Rewarding with toys and sweets

[blackrock]

Help! I have a lovely four year old.

Each week, once a week we go to the shop to buy sweets for after tea.

Occasionally my husband buys a surprise toy e.g. a car and if we go on a day trip to the zoo he gets some money to spend in the shop.

Friends of ours seem to buy their children toys every week, and sweets almost daily. I am starting to feel like a tight mean mother. I know i should not feel pressured by others, but my son is and I think he feels hard done by too.

I always thought toys were for Christmas and birthdays.

What do you do. Have you succumbed to peer pressure or do you stand alone and do your own thing ?

Confused!

I think sweets once a week and the occasional random surprise sounds great!

Stand alone and do your own thing

I basically do what you do

DS is nearly 4

I am sure your DS doesn't think he is hard done by and if he does he is at an age when you can reason/explain about treats and rewards

Very occassionally mine get a toy for being super good, i.e. when dd1 gave her MacDonalds toy to an unknown girl who was crying because she had broken hers. She was allowed to pick a small toy from Tesco on the way home.

Sweets are just bought as and when though. If we are in the shop and they ask and I have enough money then they can chose something.

Same as you, really. Sweets once a week, and toys mainly for birthdays and Christmas, occasionally on a day out- oh, and being Swedish my children also have name days, but that's more like a second hand paperback, nothing very expensive.

Thanks for the reassurance, it has helped lots

Don't want to be too controversial here, but is there a difference between yours and your friend's work situation?

I am a SAHM, so money is a bit tight, I find my friends who work give their kids way more toys. a) they can afford it and b) it is probably unconscious compensation for not seeing them all the time.

DD is only 2, so we have yet to face this battle as she doesn't realise yet what she's not getting! But I think toys should be a treat, otherwise they will be expected all the time. And Christmas and birthdays will get ridiculous, as the expectation will be for way more than "usual"