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Parenting

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Original poster

Crying it out - help!

14 replies

emandme · 25/03/2010 00:33

My lo has been coming into the bed with me every night recently as it is the only way she will go back to sleep after a feed.

She had started waking earlier and earlier and not even taking th emilk anymore but refusing to go back to her cot (shouting and crying).

We decided to do controlled crying with her tonight but erytime we went into the room she became absolutely hysterical.

We hae decided to let her cry herself to sleep now but I didnt realise it would take so long. She is really upset and I have had to come downstairs to watch telly and let my dh handle it.

Has anyone else been through this. If we stop now will we make it worse?

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ToccataAndFudge · 25/03/2010 00:35

If you're going to do this - stick to the Controlled Crying - don't do CIO

There are many that will say they're one and the same and both cruel etc etc etc etc

However, despite how hysterical they get (and they do on the first night) with you going back in please don't just leave her.

How did you do the CC?

tortoiseonthehalfshell · 25/03/2010 00:36

How old is she?

Original poster

emandme · 25/03/2010 00:39

We went in after a couple of minutes, then 5 minutes then 10.

(Then I ruined it by going in too soon and sitting with her for a while)

My dh is calming her down now and I am going to take her into the bed with me tonight.

I have heard that we will need to add on the time spent tonight now that we have given up

I feel like we have been really horrible to her

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Original poster

emandme · 25/03/2010 00:40

8 months

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BertieBotts · 25/03/2010 00:47

What is the problem with bringing her into bed? It sounds like you are both unhappy about doing this - is it worth it for the sake of a few more months in your bed? You can always try again later (or a different approach)

Original poster

emandme · 25/03/2010 08:10

We slept fine with her in the bed last night

Th problem is that my bed is too small for all 3 of us so my dh has to go into the spare bed. I would quite like to share my bed with him!

I suppose I could keep bringing her in for a while and hope that she grows out of it, but I worry as she has been waking earlier and earlier and wanting in the bed. Is she going to start refusung to sleep in her cot altogether? Or am I just overreacting, I dont know.

I would be much happier if she woul sleep in her cot and dh could stay in his own bed

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sugarsnappea · 25/03/2010 10:19

Your DD may be doing the 8 month sleep regression thing - google it. Perhaps for now you just need to do what you can to survive and know that this will pass. It always does. You aren't making a rod for your own back, trust your instincts. I promise it gets better and yes she will grow out of it.

Rycie · 25/03/2010 10:33

Hi emandme,

Firstly, my sympathies - I know how tough it is.

The one thing you do have to do is be absolutely consistent, and to be honest I don't think you should try any kind of sleep training approach until you and your partner agree clearly about what your plan of action is and are both resolved to stick to it. It is best to keep things as they are until you are both resolved - its terribly unfair on your dd to start with cc, then give in, then try again and so on.

She is then crying for nothing - and you are only teaching her to cry for longer until you give in.

At 8 months she may be experiencing some separation anxiety, but only you will be able to determine if that's the case? If it is, its not the best time to use a cry it out approach.

Please do not leave her to cry it out, it really is far too distressing for them. Not all babies are the same, and controlled crying isn't suitable for all of them - but if you want to follow this approach then read Richard Ferber's book on Solving your child's sleep problems. This is the original controlled crying book, (he is a paeditrician who is the head of a sleep clinic) and explains it all clearly.

I think you wait until you and your partner have a clear plan that you both agree on before trying to make any changes, this will give you the best chance of success.

Original poster

emandme · 25/03/2010 12:43

Rycie,

I think you are right, I have been thinking this myself today. We were all over the place last night and it wasnt fair on anyone.

I am going to keep taking her into the bed with me for another few nights before I decide what I want to do as I am still really unsure if I want to do any sleep training. I think it might be seperation anxiety as she is very clingy (only at night, during the day she is pretty happy and independant).

Sugersnappea, I will google it just now, thanks

OP posts:

mumtotwoboys · 25/03/2010 12:54

8 MONTHS??
Being left alone? Why?
Or does she cry even if she allowed to be with you?

mumtotwoboys · 25/03/2010 13:00

Can you have her cot next to your bed, take off the rail and have it at the same height, so then you're able to feed and hug her to sleep?

mumtotwoboys · 25/03/2010 13:04

Can I also warm that children can get seperation anxiety from being left alone when they're not ready, I think encouraging them to sleep alone when they show signs of being ready would make a more confident and emotionally secure child.

That's just what I've read and personally noticed from when I've left my son for extended periods (with a babysitter) he becomes far more clingy afterwards, whereas when I've been with him more he acts far more independant :-)

Original poster

emandme · 25/03/2010 20:04

tbh it was dh that insisted we left her to cry (I found it awful and feel really bad about having done it, but I guess we live and learn - as has dh!). She doesnt cry when we lift her and falls asleep immediately that she is in the bed with me.

I have googled 8 month sleep regression and it seems tis is something that some babies go thro. I am just going to keep bringing her in with me in the night until I am totally are that she is ready to go back to her cot.

We did pick up put down at around 5 months to get her to self settle and it worked a treat, but I just dont think anything like that would work right now.

Am still a fairly new mum and am totally still learning how to listen to and trust my own instincts

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mrspooh · 07/04/2010 21:16

if she has been fed, has a dry nappy and is crying for no reason you can think of, leave her. we had our 2 boys in their own cots in their own rooms at 5 days old. they slept through the night from 12 weeks and were fine. you can tell if they arecrying just because or are upset. we would leave it 20 mins then go up and re settle. we have never had them sleep with us so dont know about that. however, you do both need to be going from the same approach.

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