my daughter nearly 4 is wetting herself

[gemumof3]

I wonder if ne1 can help me my nearly 4 year old daughter is wetting herself at least twice aday sum days shes not using the toilet at all-i know shes had a lot of change in her life recently with starting full time nursery in sept just gone and i have also had a baby in may which was a girl and there is slight jealousy there that k(3,10months) never had with her little brother (2)but the wetting is so bad. Ive asked her why she wont go to the toilet and i dont really get a responce from her. She has been trained since 2 1/2 and i just dont no what to do anymore the washing is out of control because of it and I am finding it hard now to keep my cool with her as this has been going on for so long now i have taken her to the doctors there is no medical problem and I dont know how to support her so this stops can anyone please help
Kinda Desperate now

I haven't got any great advice but you sound like you are really struggling.

If she is preschool age could you ask your hv for further advice. At our baby clinic there is a nursery nurse who works with the hv and gives practical advice on issues such as toiletting issues. If she is at school then there will be a school nurse (probably not based at the actual school but you can get details from the office)

When my own dd started getting a bit stubborn about using the loo (resulting in occasional accidents) we got her into a bit of a routine. e.g. always going for a wee after breakfast and before bed. Also I would keep an eye on her fluid levels (that she was drinking plenty) and ensure she went to the toilet at least 1-2 further times during the day.

Do you think a star chart would be worth a try?

wev done that the school started sticker charts but they never kept them up and while they were doin it it did actually work but now they have let it slip shes gone back to the same thing i dont no if its attention but i defo no theres no medical prob shes been checked
i do feel sorry for her but it is a nightmare from my position

I can only imagine you must be exhausted, 3 dcs under 4 and one is only a baby. All that laundry must be really wearing not to mention the worry about it.

Perhaps it would be worth trying again with the sticker chart if it helped a bit before. Perhaps arrange to see the teacher briefly one afternoon after school to discuss it?

I would also consider having a chat with the school nurse. I once rang ours (unrelated issue) and she was really supportive and helpful. I am sure that if necessary the nurse would be able to meet you briefly. The nurse would be able to support you with this even if it's not a "medical"/physical issue.

Good luck

Hi- I had a similar situation with dd2 when ds arrived (actually he was about 6 mths when she started wetting again) she did pretty much what you describe- wetting, even just a little, a couple of times a day, and unable or unwilling to tell us why, when we were perfectly sure she could manage. This went on for about 5 months- I was tearing my hair out, tbh!

I don't know whether it would have just stopped anyway, but I ended up ignoring it- I would send her to change her pants herself and say very little. If I had to clean her up I didn't really engage with her. I tried very hard to act as if it was no big deal and eventually I realised it had stopped! I don't know, but I felt she was doing it for attention, and even if I was cross any attention is good attention, so I made sure she got attention when she didn't do it, and less attention when she did, if that makes sense?

But if all else fails- honestly, it will stop just as suddenly as it started!!

ok ill try that that thanx i have to try sumthing coz im starting to think its my fault coz of having her brother n sister so close to her i try to give her the attention she need but like u say have three under 4 im trying to meet so many different needs all at the same time u can only imagine

It's not your fault!! (although I remember feeling that too, as I too had 3 under 4 at the time!) Honestly, she probably doesn't even understand herself why exactly she is doing it (dd2's "blank" look used to drive me wild!) I found/ find I don't really have time for intense one-on-one time, so I incorporate our "together time" into housework/ walking the dog/ going to the shops- just chattering to her about what she thinks, things we see, things we're going to do. Don't be too hard on yourself- I think it is a fairly common thing to happen in kids

thanx it aint easy having them so close but i woodnt change it just dont want her to be sad coz shes not the baby anymore i no she jealous over her sis coz she has running competion wen it cums to her dad not that he treats them ne different
tomorrows a new day and we will see im defo going to try and get a meeting with her teacher so we can cum to some kind of solution to this both at home and at skool
wot i do is have friday evening with just me and her and one sat out of the month we go out and do woteva she wants swimming, cinema, etc

Though my circumstances aren't exactly the same, my DD (4 this summer)has me tearing my hair out. Some days she is dry and I think we may, just maybe getting somewhere ... and then she will wet herself 2/3/4 times in a day. I haven't taken her to the GP as she def has the control as she has been dry at night for ages but I don't understand why she continues to deny needing the loo ( despite doing what I call the wee dance !) only to wet herself moments later. We have sticker charts in place which she loved to start with but has since lost interest in.
I try to keep calm and not react but inside, I have to admit I find it really upsetting for her - even if she doesn't seem to be that bothered about it.

Just feel that I have done something to make this situation and long for it all to be resolved