Tell me about a 16 month gap between babies

[VerityClinch]

Have just found out I am pregnant with tiniminiClinch #2. DD is nearly 9 months, so will be 16 months when the new arrival, er, arrives.

Is this going to be a complete and utter nightmare? I haven't had a chance to feel excited about being pregnant yet - just terrified that I'm not up to dealing with "two under two" and guilty that it's not just going to be me and DD anymore (DH is around, obviously, but not in the day and it has felt really special to just hang out with my gorgeous little girl).

I had grade 4 placenta praevia with DD, so also the niggling worry this will happen again and I won't be able to pick her up and carry her around, that it will end in a c-section again (albeit electiv and good recovery) etc etc. Then, if no placenta praevia this time, do I do the VBAC thing, or not? Will I need another blood transfusion? Will I be able to breastfeed this time or will I royally fvck up again?

Blimey, I am more worried about THIS pregnancy than the last one (where, compliantly, I just did what I was told) AND only started taking folic acid yesterday (as opposed to for 8 months before DD was conceived!!) AND had a huge glass of wine on Sunday, not to mention the runny cheese...

Bvgger me, but I'm fertile though. Only did the deed once this month and THAT was a stress busting quickie while the in-laws were staying.

Er, ahem, anyway. Give it to me straight. Just how tough is this going to be?

Not gonna lie to you.....it's hard work for the first few weeks. However, I did have a disaster of a second baby (we called dd evil evie for the first 4 months - gorgeous now though!) and I guess how it all pans out is so dependent on what you new arrival is like!

Advice is not rocket science - get as much support as you can around you, and if you can afford it, putting your dd in some formal childcare for a couple of afternoons / mornings a week can be a good idea.... gives you some quality time with the newbie.

ds/dd are now 6 and 5 and so love each other - truly are best friends (smile) now and do loads together. Holidays, swimming, cinemas etc are all good as the age gap is so close.

Good luck and keep those super sperm under control - 3 close in age would probably lead to you being sectioned (wink)

Was going to say exactly the same as gingergill - early days will be very hard, and also when DC2 starts to run off, DC1 is still in the running off phase as well, so don't expect to sit down much!

However, as they get older, they will be really close, you can do the same activities without one of them getting bored, and you will be glad you have such a small gap!

Congratulations!

I have 15mo between mine and dear god it was hard. I barely remember it. But, I did cope and you will too, so it isn't that bad. I had a section both times as well, and actually there is an advantage there, because your dc1 are usually so little still that after 2 weeks I was told I could pick her up if I needed to.

Mine are 4&5 now, and for the most part, great mates. And keep each other entertained. But, they do like the same things which is great in one way and terrible in another, iyswim.

In a way, I think its the best way to do it - you haven't got used to to life without a baby around before you have to do it all again, and so its much less of a shock, and in a way, easier. And I have to say that ds was a dreamy baby, he fitted in because he had to - you're much less tolerant second time round!

mine are 15 months apart and I can only agree with everything that has been written so far. It is hard, but so worth it and the DCs end up being really close. Mine love eachother to bits (though they do argue and bicker too of course!) Great thing is, they are great at entertaining eachother, leaving me free to 'nap' my way through this first trimester of DC3!

Mine are 14 months apart and yes it is hard in the beg, you need to be vry organised, enlist any help offered etc. You won't have much time to yourself BUT now mine are 4 and 5 it is wonderful and I wouldn't have done it any other way. I had ds first then dd so pretty much at the same level we can do everything together and while those wih a larger gap are left floundering around with soft play areas etc we have now moved on as a whole family. The long and short of it is if I could have planned a small age gap I would have done it that way again.
Goodluck

I have 16 months between my two ds. The newest one will be 4 months on Fri and I can honestly say since he was 6 weeks old it has just been brilliant. It helps that he sleeps through the night so can cope with whatever is thrown at me through the day. I had sections with both, tried to go for vbac this time but ended up as a section and was worried about how I would cope. My dh took 4 weeks off (2 paternity and 2 hols) as our families all live over 3 hours away. This meant that for the first 4 weeks dh did most things for ds1 while I concentrated on ds2 as I could pick him up etc.
Ds1 is interested in ds2 and likes to help mummy get muslins, blankets, bibs etc so am hopeful it will continue well.
The hardest thing is trying to go out and about but I do take advantage of online food shopping and friends come round to mine.
Another good thing is im back in my pre pregnancy clothes a lot earlier this time as you dont get a lot of time through the day (she says sitting on mumsnet as both ds are sleeping )
Goodluck and its totally do able.

17 months between dd1 and dd2, and I thought it was great! By the time I had dd2 I had already settled into "mummyhood", and a few of my friends I made post-natal dd1 were also having second dc, so it was a nice time with lots of socialising and friends to lean on! The nappies and sleepless nights were already a way of life, so I found it quite a smooth transition, tbh. And it means the girls are at similar stages and interested in similar activities as the get older.

You will be fine! For most of dd2's early days DH was living at the other end of the country (he's in the RN) and I still coped- you will too. Congratulations!

I think it's a fantastic age gap. DD was never jealous of her brother and now they are 3 and almost 5, they play together brilliantly. Best little pals - interested in the same things.

Be prepared for a few difficult months in the early days(we survived with no family support)

I have two 16months apart. I wouldn't change a thing!! It is fantastic for the children and challenging for the parents but we did it, despite neither child being good sleepers. It was hard but sooo rewarding and fun to see them together and it simply gets better in that respect. We didn't take ourselves too seriously and didn't get hung up on the whole routine issues as with two that close I found it virtually impossible particularly as DH worked late most days.
Put your worries aside...remember to laugh lots and that every hurdle is just a phase that will not last very long. You may be lucky and have a good support system but if not, you will the need support of your partner-even if it is simply to catch up on some 'me' time at the weekend!
It has been lots of fun...keep your expectations low regarding sleep, tiredness and coping and simply try to enjoy every chaotic moment because before you know it-lik me-they will be in school and those days will be over.
Good luck

mine are 17 months apart, actually not found the early months that difficult so dont think it necessarily has to be too bad. try to keep ur dds routine same as much as possible and fit new one around her if you can, that way i think they play up less as things have kept mostly the same for them. give alot of attention while babys having nap etc, all the typical advice does help..
i really find my ds2 is no trouble, but ds1 is difficult @ times. i think not that much harder than just dealing with the 1 toddler though, like the work load of a baby is alot less than a toddler (for me anyway..) so the additonal work/stress for u having a new baby is not like an extra 50% but i think just more like an extra 20%.. although when they both become toddlers thats when it sounds like hard work to me, although people say then they play together and entertain each other..
overall its a good gap i think, so try not to panic and hopefully u will be fine. if it is difficult for u in the early months then im sure u will get thru it. good luck for ur pregnancy i hope it all goes well without ne of those complications, and congrats!!

18 months between my two and it's hard to start with, but now they are nearly 3 and 4 and it's great. They play together so well and I didn't have to deal with jealousy as DS1 doesn't remember life before DS2. My only advice is to make life as easy as possible for yourself. I didn't and still don't give them baths every day for example, it's just too much trouble. If their clothes are not too dirty they wear it the next day. I do lots of really quick recipes and focus on healthy snacks. Also, a good double buggy saved my life as I was always out walking, that really kept my sanity. They would both fall asleep in the buggy in the afternoon and I'd sleep as well.

Verity I'm watching this thread with interest, I'm due in June with baby2 with a 16 month gap.
I am also wondering how I will cope with, as a friend put it "not two under two, but two under one and a half" (like I wasn't worried enough already!)
So far the most annoying thing is everyone commenting on how quick we were to get pg again, and a bad back from picking up DD1 as my bump has started to get bigger, much bigger than the same stage last time round.

I've got 14 months between mine and basically agree with everyone else. I love the small age gap. They are 3 and 4 now and the best of pals. In fact, I was just looking at them tipping sand on each other's heads in the park this morning and wondering whether the fact that they are such a wee unit is a problem - they have such a hoot together that they don't often seem to need anyone else.

And don't worry about DD - she won't know anything else and if you think about it from the perspective of DC2, they never get that time of having you all to themselves.

Congratulations!

Have got dd1 aged 6.5yrs, dd2 aged 2.5 yrs, ds1 aged 18 months and ds2 aged 7 weeks. Echo everything already said. Sooo hard to start with, but actually in a lot of ways the 4 year gap from dd1 to dd2 was the hardest..dd1's nose seriously out of joint at the new arrival. The younger ones have just accepted each new arrival, dd2 and ds1 already starting to play together really well.

Swallow your pride and accept/ask for help, only do essential housework and ironing and smile politely at strangers in Sainsbury's who delight in telling you that you're MAD to have your children so close together. Though ours weren't planned so close ( dc 3 and 4 were happy surprises after having fertility treatment to conceive dc2) I wouldn't change it for a second.

My fisrt son was 14months when my second was born, i had all the same worries ie how will i cope with two under 2 on my own. i have got to say i worried way too much. dont get me wrong it was hard at first however my first son had no jealousy whatsoever new baby just fitted right in. this only issue i had was my eldest wanting a bottle when he saw one but decieded to drop his day time bottles after a while so issue went away. One of my main worries were will he new baby wake him as i had just got him sleeping in his own room etc however for some reason his cries never woke him. once i had my routine life was much simpler. if you have any questions or tips on how i did things just ask.

Very busy at times but I loved it.
dc3 arived when dc2 was 16m.
dc4 arrived when dc3 was 15m.

Thank you, everyone. I guess the early days go so fast, in a blur... I still can't quite believe I have managed to keep DD alive for 9 months, never mind got another one on the way!!

Anything I can do to prepare while I am pregnant? I do think putting DD into nursery a couple of mornings a week might help - presumably I should do this BEFORE the new arrival comes, so she doesn't think she's being farmed out?

Any truth in it being harder to be 8/9 months pregnant with a toddler than having a toddler and a newborn?

I think that depends on the birth really. I had CS with both and so the newborn + 14 month-old was definitely harder than being pg with a 12/13 month-old.

For nursery, yes, I'd suggest getting dc1 in a few months before the baby arrives if you can. I went back to work (briefly!) between ds1 and ds2, so ds1 was in nurery from about 10 months anyway, and we didn't have any problems with jealousy etc. But I dare say it might have been different if we'd put him in as soon as the baby arrived.

My DD and DS are 16 months apart and, while it's fantastic now they're 5 and 6, the first 2-3 years were incredibly difficult.

DD was a great sleeper and it never occurred to me that DS would be different - but he was. Big time. Poor DS had such a difficult babyhood - he barely slept at night and often cried for much of the day, so it made life very tough for all of us. It was something I just hadn't bargained for.

On the plus side, we had no jealousy issues at all, they're both now great friends and it's much easier for us to plan holidays and activities than it is for those with a bigger age gap where the kids want to do different things.

Line up as much help as you can (do you have family nearby?) and try to snatch just 10 or 15 mins a day to yourself, just to take a walk and gather your thoughts. I didn't put DD in nursery, but that was my choice - you have to do what works best for you.

Good luck - and enjoy!

I've got 15 months between my ds and my dts. I really thought I'd never get out of the house or achieve anything in a day but in reality the dt's have been easier than my ds. Now they are 1.2 and 2.5 and get on pretty well....... they do have their moments and it is incredibily hard work but then when they all chase each other round it's such good fun too. I cant imagine how much harder it would have been to have, say a 4 year gap, and have the school run to contend with each day too.

Good luck...... it probably wont be anywhere near as hard as you imagine x

verity, congrats on your pregnancy !

I had 12 months (and 10 v important days) between DS1 and 2. I also had Grade 4 PP with DS2 which led to his premature delivery at 31 weeks - otherwise their age gap would have been 14 months.

I agree with what everybody else has said: hard first 2 years few months, then you reap the benefits of your hard work as they are such good company to each other.

Personally, I found being pregnant with a baby under 1 to look after easier than having an older baby and a newborn. I was lucky in that DS1 was an early walker and by the time DS2 came home from hospital I did not have to carry them both all the time.

Yes, get your DD used to a couple of sessions in a nice nursery before the new addition comes along.
Get lots of support from family/friends lined up. I had an older neighbour who took DS1 out in his pram for an hour or 2 once a week and she really saved my sanity.

I have since a 2 lovely VBACs, 4 and 6 years after I had had the CS with DS2.
I am currently looking after 2 week old DS4 and I have to say the 2 year age gap between him and DS3 who is in the throws of toddler temper tantrums for most of the day, or so it seems, is really hard going...

I really think that there is no ideal age gap. You will be fine. It will seem worse thinking about it now than the reality of it will be when the time comes.

Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy!

I have 16.5 months between my two and agree with all this good advice.

-Never had any problems with jealousy
-Double pushchair was amazing as we could go for long walks which was good for all 3 of us
-We don't bath them every night
-For some reason, although they share a room, when one cries the other doesn't wake up

The best advice I had was to prioritise the eldest when the new baby comes. Keep her normal routine going as much as you can. Newborn babies don't actually do a lot as they are asleep so much at first, so I found it easier than expected to fit in the newborn around the toddler.

You'll be fine!

i have 11 months between ds1 and ds2 who is now 17 weeks. had a v difficult preg first time round but 2nd was easy. hard at the end lifting ds1 when v preg and moving 2 weeks b4 ds2 arrived. however, ds1 loves ds2 to bits, cuddles, hugs etc and goes to see him when he cries. i only bf ds2 for 2 weeks as ds1 was upset by how long i spent with ds2 feeding, 3 hrs in 1 go was the final straw but thats a personal thing. ds2 was put into ds1 routine and now have bath and bedtime together which is lovely. ds1 was emergency c sec and ds2 was meant to be elective c sec but came so quickly ended up vbac. meant i could pick ds1 up as soon as he came to hosp to meet his brother. it will be fine and ds1 now snuggles onto the sofa to have cuddles with me and ds2 which is gorgeous.

Hello Verity!

Couldn't resist coming on to say congratulations! You once said that we keep seeming to post on similar issues - well, I'm pregnant again, too, due in late September! It'll be a 15-month age gap and I've had the same worries about managing. The general consensus seems to be that the first year(s) are tough but then it gets much easier, and that's what I'm clinging on to!

How have you been feeling? I thought I'd die from the exhaustion in the first trimester, especially as it coincided with major sleep problems on DD's part. I actually fainted by the side of her cot a few times! But now that early bit is over, I'm feeling much better - I hope that might cheer you if you've been feeling similarly knackered!

Good luck with your pregnancy and whatever you decide about your second birth.