I'm so impatient with my kids.

[lc32]

I'm alone with my 2 children at the moment whilst husband works away. A lot is going on in our lives and I find myself taking my "stress" out on my children which I feel so guilty aboout. I am impatient and get cross with my kids over minor things like untidy bedrooms etc, and hate myself for it afterwards. I sometimes hear the things I say to them in fits of anger and I want to cry. I have never and would never hit my kids, but sometimes i think the way I speak to them is more damaging. I want to be a fun, relaxed, laid back mum, not one who gets annoyed with a 2 year old when he spills a drink. How can i just chill out and enjoy my kids? - they are only 2 & 4.

Give it time. I was like you when mine were that age, now that they are older it's soooooooooo much easier to be that laid-back mum.

Is there anything you can do to reduce the other areas of stress in your life?

not really - we are (trying) to sell the house which is hard as we've been on the market ages now. I hope things will improve when we can live like a proper family again, but it still seems like such a long way off - we are living in limbo land. to add to my stressed out mood, my kids are also coping without their dad - which i can't underestimate.

It's realy hard and tiring and stessful when you are on your own. You don't have the back-up when things get tough and all the responsibility is down to you. Cut yourself some slack, nobody is perfect and we all have attacks of the guilts when we have been 'shouty mummy'. Tomorrow is another day, get out of the house with them, enjoy a day together and forget about the housework. Have a laugh with them and allow yourself to be the mum you want to be.

thanks - love your nick name by the way - I grew up with a shouty mummy and don't want to be one myself. Don't get me wrong, we do have fun together, i suppose i need to let things go a bit more.

There was a thread about this the other day - some mumsnetters were recommending a book called Buddhism For Mothers, it sounds pretty cool and I'm going to get it (checked library today but they don't stock it )

I know exactly how you feel btw

sounds good - I'll check it out. It's tough being home alone, but you want to look like you're taking it all in your stride don't you? maybe I'm trying too hard, I don't know..what i do know is that i've got 2 beatiful, funny kids asleep upstairs who deserve a nice mummy. Like you say, tomorrow is another day

I know what you are going through.
JUst remember you are doing the single mum thing so you have to be easy on yourself- I am in a situation like that. husband leaves before kids are up and is back after they are in bed, six days a week. I used to point out that if i was actually a single mum life would be easier. I would be living near family rather than miles away in isolation (friends just dont quite fill the gap).

The way I always used to reassure myself is that it is actually unfair to bring up a child in a completely quiet calm, fun environment ALL the time. It is a poor representation of the real world. They need to experience how other people react to their actions. They have to experience an array of emotions in the safety of the family home.

My eldest has just started school and it has transformed our lives. The time apart makes us appreciate our time together. i actually feel like I am quite literally coming out of a tunnel. I feel like I have run a marathon. IT IS SIMPLY HARD WORK so dont be hard on yourself

Totally sympathise as I feel like this an my DH is around when he's not working. So I feel slightly ashamed!

Mine are 1 (just turned) and 2 and 9. The two wee ones are sooooo hard going as neither sleep great, my DH snores, the 2 year old is in full-on tantrum screaming- hell phase and the 1 year old weighs a ton!! I am physically exhausted from all the lugging around I do with them, we are skint just now, live slightly out in the sticks, there's no pavement for walks, petrol costs a fortune and I had the contraceptive implant in my arm 5 weeks ago and it has made me like I have aggrivated PMS all the time! So yes I get frustrated, shout, (even stamp my foot when the eldest argues with me over every little thing!) and then want to cry at being an impatient/crazy mum.

I struggle with the sheer repetitiveness of it all and sometimes just think 'sod this for a game of darts, I wish I was at work for a rest!!'

I'm getting this implant removed cos it just aint helping!!

So, ramblnig, but my point is, don't be too hard on yourself and it is DAMN hard work, esp without a partner around. Hope things improve for you soon.

hormones are a funny thing arent they. I am sure i feel more relaxed now being pregnant. I shout less and feel much more in control of my emotions. If I need to give anyone into trouble it is a much more controlled way. Period hormones drove me mental with absolutely no control...Just another thing to have to deal with isn[t it

I've noticed a HUGE difference Esme - hormones are such powerful things - I think men think we use them as an excuse, but normally when my period comes, I immediately calm down. This implant has me bleeding all the time, but without the calming down bit!!! I also think that's why my DH got me pg three times as I am always better pg as well!!

you will be glad to get that implant out then.....i couldn't use the pill at all becaUSE i was always bleeding with it. The hormones made me feel like a teenager again. I am terifiied of this pregnancy being over and having to go back to periods to be honest.

Just turned up a the family planning and luckily they were quiet enough to see me there and them and it's out! Hurray! (I think) I celebrated by going straight to the shop and getting me and the kids some chocolate. Now to get DS the snip....

lc32 totally know how you feel - logged on tonight as feeling guilty for yelling at my little one this evening. Makes me feel so sad and guilty when I do and I have my partner here in the evenings to unburden myself.

So you're not alone, try not to feel too guilty, you're doing an amazing job coping with your partner away.

try and tell someone about how your feeling to let the negative emotions go - it's easier to face the next day that way.

we can only do our best can't we?