can I have some perspectives on whether my dd2 should go to private nursery before she is old enough to go to the school nursery

[Aranea]

Little dd2 will be old in her year (october birthday) so will not be starting school nursery till she is nearly 4.

I am at home with her, so it's not a childcare issue, but I am dithering over the best thing for her to do.

I could send her to the nursery that dd1 went to, but I was a little bit disenchanted with it by the time dd2 left. They spend all their time in one big room, and there is very little outdoor space. On the plus side, it's very close to dd1's school so would make the school run straightforward! And I think it's OK.

I could send her to a lovely childminder. But is there any point in doing that - any benefit over her just spending time with me? Especially if the cm's other charges might be much younger?

I could keep her with me. But will she need to start forging the kinds of friendships etc you get at nursery?

I could send her to another nursery which is a bit of a trek from the school. It seems quite nice though the head does seem a little bit uptight.

The other option I can think of is that the school nursery apparently sometimes has January places available, so it might be possible for her to start in the January after she has turned 3. It is a lovely nursery I think. But then she would be staying on in the nursery for another year after her friends have started reception.

I feel I'm going round in circles a bit. Can I have some different perspectives please on whether dd2 really needs to go off somewhere without me before school nursery, and if so what will benefit her most?

Thank you!

Hi Aranea, I work in a day nursery and before i went on ml i looked after childern aged between 6 weeks and school age (depending on the school). IMO it's always good for children to socalise with others their own age and adults too before they actually start school. Also with nursery's you can ease your child into the setting by doing a few hours at first then gradually uping them when you feel you are happy/ready. Doing this will hopefully help your dd when she does go to school because she will be useto the different routeens and you leaving her etc.

hope this helps. x x

Thanks meandmaisie. I definitely want her to go to the school nursery before she starts school, whatever happens.

If you would like a break, then send her. Otherwise keep her home. She'll have a year of nursery, and presumably you don't sit inside all day not mixing with anyone? She's got years and years of school ahead of her - if you're both happy and having fun keep her with you as long as possible!

This is what I was half-thinking, seeker. But then I worry that the rather casual way we tend to see other children (at playgroups etc) will not allow her to make her own real friends. And by the time she is over 3, will we still encounter children her age at those sort of activities, or will they all be at nursery?!

What about a preschool? My DS has a November birthday but will be starting at a preschool a couple of mornings a week just before his third birthday. We will then either move him to a nursery just before he is four, or possibly keep him at the preschool until reception.

Hmmm - tricky. I sent both my DSs to half-day playgroup from about 2. This was definitely to give me some time away from them, as seeker says, as I was a SAHM. I am sure that it benefited them as well.

My instinct would be that, if you are happy to keep her home with you, then chances are, she'll be fine to wait until school nursery.

She'll already have a whole year of pre-school/nursery and I'm sure that would be plenty for her to make 'school' friends. Lots of three year olds either don't go or just go for certain sessions/days so would be at playgroups at other times.

I have no idea what would benefit her most but I would say enjoy your time with her!

I wouldn't worry too much about the making friends thing. Like others have said she will have a year of nursery before school and she will make friends there who will also stay on in reception. I think 3 is a bit young anyway to make real friends (speaking from my own experience here). I have a just turned 3 year old and she just started at nursery. She hasn't made any proper friends as such but is sociable and likes other children. She's quite happy to play with another child she meets in the park for example. As long as you take her out and about and she meets other children, however casual that may be, which sounds like you are, then I just would enjoy your time with her!

I wouldn't do the January start, as the majority of the children will leave in the July, but she would have to come back in the September.

Whatever else - do one full year so she moves on in the natural progression of things into the school itself with her mates. Too confusing otherwise I reckon.

Think you may be right, RatherBeOnThePiste.

MamaVoo - isn't a preschool a nursery? My terminology may be all wrong...

Jamie, Clayhead, NK5 (what is your name about??) maybe you're right and I should just make the most of her before she disappears off to Big School. I am rather sad at the loss of her sister.

It's just that dd2 is so very independent and gregarious. When we do singing at the end of toddler group, she refuses to do any of the actions with me. She wants someone else to row a boat with her / hold her hand to march / zoom her to the moon. Doesn't seem to matter who, as long as it isn't me! Do you think if I try to hang on to her till she is almost 4 she may leave home altogether?!

From what I've gathered (and it is confusing) preschools are not the same thing as state nursery schools. They tend to take children from about 2.9 years and you can use your government funding, as you would in a nursery school, once they are eligible for it. I only looked into this once I realised that DS wouldn't start at a nursery school until he's nearly four and, like your daughter, I think he'd like a bit more company from other children before then.

I hope some of that makes sense...

And to confuse matters further, there are places - usually parent-managed playgroups (but you leave the children there), which usually run morning or afternoon sessions. The one both mine went to took them from 2 - so they didn't have to be potty-trained. I started them both on two mornings a week

Oh, yes, I think there are a couple locally. I have arranged to have a look at a nursery (or preschool or whatever it is officially) so maybe I will just end up putting her name on the list so I have options when she is older and I have a better idea of what is sensible.

I sent my October born DD to a private nursery for a year before the school nursery. She got funding for 2 of the 3 terms so the cost wasn't so much, and she got so much from it.

Personally I wouldn't bother with a CM unless you need the childcare but a structured nursery can be great at that age.

I guess it depends whether you can find a nursery thats convienient that you are happy with.

Don't feel you have to send your dd anywhere. Due to funding for 3 year olds it seems a lot of people automatically send their children off somewhere because it's free. Also 'getting them ready' for the next stage of their education has become a well-worn phrase and not necessary.

"Also 'getting them ready' for the next stage of their education has become a well-worn phrase and not necessary. "

Oh, I agree. There are lots of reasons for putting a pre-school age child into a nursery, playgroup or whatever (the most important and best being because the main carer - or "mother" as he or she is usually known - is desperate for five minutes to herself) but 'getting them ready' is never a good reason.

@ '"mother" as he or she is usually known'

I like that.

I am not so concerned to get her ready for school nursery (the purpose of which I see as getting her ready for school, so the process must end somewhere!). As I mentioned, she is ferociously independent and only 17 months old, so I'm a bit worried about how she will feel about hanging out doing not all that much with me by the time she is nearly 4.

It's a shame I didn't have my children the other way around. I know dd1 would have been more than happy to stay with me till then. In fact I think given the choice she would still do that. But I thought she needed to spend time at nursery, so at two and three quarters she started spending 3 mornings a week at nursery. I don't know if she got much out of it really. She never played much with the other children there.