2nd pregnancy - mixed feelings!

[Broucek]

I just found out I am pregnant again! My DS is 22 mnths so will be 2yrs 6mths when baby no.2 is born. We have been thinking about starting trying in few months time, leaving the gap more like 3yrs but it hasn't worked out that way! I know i should be pleased as 6 months aren't neither here nor there but i find myself far from happy! Even though I really wanted 2 DCs before becoming pregnant again I now think we should have stuck with 1. I feel so sad for my DS as he will no longer be able to get all our attention. He's a very bad sleeper and the past 2 years have been tough and I now worry we won't be able to cope with the addition. What do people think about 2 and 1/2 year gap????
Are my feelings normal??? I really didn't expect this!!! I was so happy during my first pregnancy, I feel guilty that I don't feel the same now!!!! I hope this will pass??!!! Did anyone else go through anything similar?

I'm currently feeling much the same, my ds' sleep was appalling until recently (27 months) and I'm terrified on many levels about how I'll cope with two.

However I do want this baby and I loved growing up with a sibling so I feel strongly if I can get through the first bit we'll be happier in the long run!

What's scaring you, is it the sleep, juggling two, or the unknown? Try and identify the fear and think about how it could be addressed. That's what I'm doing and it is helping. E.g. My ds will keep going to his cm for the first six weeks of my mat leave and after that will do 3 mornings a week. I figure this will normalise things for him and let me sleep with the baby, my DH is going to take Wed afternoon off and take ds swimming/to
the park etc so he has some really focused attention and doesn't feel too displaced.

I think it is totally normal to feel like this, you can get through it if you are sure, ultimately, you want this pregnancy to endure.

If you are feeling so worried it is making you consider ending your pregnancy then I'd consider some impartial advice from a pregnancy counselling service, your GP can put you in touch with an independent (ie not anti abortion) one.

Best of luck with whatever you decide.

Hi I have a two and a half year age gap between my 2 dd's. I think it's pretty normal to feel worried. My big fear was that I wouldn'tt love the 2nd child as much as the first. Of course when she was born I did! But it was a worry! I also wasn't as excited when pg with dd 2 as you know what's coming! IE sleepless nights, screaming baby, sore boobs (and bum!) etc. Also you're so busy with first child you don't have that much time to get excited...oh and you're exhausted!
Your son will cope fine with a sibling. My dd cannot remember a time when her sister wasn't here and they have a great time playing together now (dd 1 is 5 and dd 2 will be 3 at the end of June). By the time dd 2 arrived dd 1 was out of nappies and just about sleeping through! She also started getting more preschool time when dd 1 was 6 months so that was a big help.
You will be fine!
x

Thank you both! Yes I also worry that I won't love the 2nd one as much - it's just hard to imagine! My fears are many: sleep deprivation, finances, realtionships, space (we need to try and covert the loft in the next 7 months)etc... also my Dh has really bonded with our DS - he is the main carer during the week and I am not sure he'll feel the same towards no.2!!!!

rasputin - thank you. It brought tears to my eyes! I hope you're right. I just don't want my darling DS to feel left out. Does anyone have any books they can suggest to read with a toddler re. new baby's arrival etc...

Firstly, congratulations on your pregnancy!

I absolutely understand your worries. I have a 2.6 yo DD and am expecting DD2 any day now (due 24th March ). All I can say is that DD1 is beside herself with excitement about meeting her little sister. In the mornings now instead of rushing round to see me, she dashes off to the moses basket to check if there's been a delivery during the night! She cuddles my rather enormous bump, kisses it and tells the baby how much she loves her and that they're going to be best friends.

I have had wobbles over the last few months. I remember breaking down sobbing one day wondering how on Earth I was going to cope with two; how was I going to share myself, my love, etc. Now that my new daughter's arrival is so imminient, I am just really excited (nearly as excited as DD1!!). I know there's going to be sleep deprivation, and it's going to be tough. But that time does soon go. I also know that giving my beautiful daughter a sibling is a wonderful gift to her.

Good luck.

that's great to hear!! let's hope little boys are just as welcoming to new arrivals as little girls! ;-)