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Parenting

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Original poster

how do you stop 'rough and tumble' play always ending in tears?

14 replies

lu9months · 20/03/2010 19:45

my 7 and 5 year old son like to do normal rough and tumble stuff, but 100% of the time it ends up out of control eg older boy pulling down younger ones' trousers, younger one screaming...I know boys need to be physical (they get loads of exercise) but I end up separating them into different rooms all the time to calm down. any advice on how to help them put reasonable limits on themselves without me having to wade in every time?

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thelittlebluepills · 20/03/2010 20:13

dustycups · 20/03/2010 20:15

i dont think you can!!! its part of growing up!!

if you find out be sure to let me know!!

striker · 20/03/2010 20:30

You can't ,its all part of growing up and it would be more unusual for them to always play nicely.
I used to send my rough and tumbling boys outside to wrestle on the lawn or upstairs where I can see them .I could still hear them though

I went by the idea that unless blood was drawn (and only if it was actually dripping )would I intervene. They soon work out for themselves that hitting someone can mean that you get hit back . Paying attention to the wailer interrupts this process as they then get cuddles etc and the lesson is lost .For about 1 minute in reality but it means the process begins again.

Often though DH would join in ('teaching' them safe moves but enjoying it hugely -bonding he called it )so I could leave them to the wrestling while I got on with things in another room.

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ShinyAndNew · 20/03/2010 20:32

I have two girls and they do this too. I do what Striker says and unless they look like they are about to cause each other serious pyhsical damage I just leave them to sort it out between themselves.

notnowbernard · 20/03/2010 20:34

Intervene only when blood is drawn?

2 girls also and they are like WWF competitors most of the time

Am on-edge constantly waiting for broken bone or tooth through lip

ShinyAndNew · 20/03/2010 20:37

Hmm mine seem to be quite bouncy notnowbenard, they just get back up again and start again

No broken bones yet. A fractured gum and glued head but dd1 managed those without any assistance from dd2.

Othersideofthechannel · 20/03/2010 21:39

I'm quite happy to leave them to get on with it but when they play like this there are constant cries of 'mum, x is xxxxing me' and those really wind me up!

zapostrophe · 20/03/2010 21:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Othersideofthechannel · 20/03/2010 21:47

IIRC there is a section on this on the book Sibling Rivalry

ABetaDad · 20/03/2010 22:09

lu9months - rough and tumble play is and always has been banned in our house. We have two boys that are 2 years apart and I am of the strong opinion that 'rough and tumble' or 'play fighting' always leads to real fighting and/or physical bullying by the older child of the younger one. It can carry on to much later life and I know several sets of brothers where the younger brother had his life made hell by physical aggression from older brothers. It is ultimately a very basic and uncivilised way of establishing a pecking order.

We put a stop to it the moment it starts wit our DSs. Never allowed it but encouraged football, running about, hide and seek and other non violent exercise. Fighting is not necessary. They do Judo and Karate too - controlled and civilised self defence.

ABetaDad · 20/03/2010 22:16

When they were younger we used to separate them the moment they started fighting - rather than letting it get started.

Dollytwat · 20/03/2010 23:15

Whilst I do try to let them sort out arguments between themselves (or I'll send them BOTH to time out) the physical stuff I have a very short fuse on. It's the noise of it all I can't stand, the shrieking and waiting for the inevitable BUMP then the scream when one of them is hurt.

So I only let that go on for as long as they're both giggling, then I stop it.

I wish I had a room with all that soft play padding to send them to really

notnowbernard · 22/03/2010 10:12

I don't define 'rough and tumble' as play (or real) fighting with mine though

More that sort of rolling around on the floor, jumping over each other, climbing on each other like young pups or chimps sort of thing

The dds don't fight or hit each other. If it ends in tears it's because of an accidental injury. But as I say, I live in fear of the A&E trip

Morloth · 22/03/2010 10:21

I don't. I tell him that if he wants to play rough I don't want to hear any whinging when he gets hurt - I then ignore any whinging when he gets hurt and tell him to suck it up or not play rough.

DS is an only (ATM!) but has lots of little mates and they all seem the same, like puppies scrapping really. Thankfully all the Mums of his friends feel the same way.

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