small age gap need some advice/tips during pregnancy and after with newborn and toddler. tks!

[mariass]

Hello There!

I need some help tips and advice.
I am a mom of a lovely 10 month old boy and I am 18 weeks pregnant. The age gap btw them will be 15 months. This wasn?t a planed pregnancy, but is a very very welcome one since DS was fouth attempt of IVF, so I was very surprised when I discover I was pregnant!
Anyway..... Everyone is saying that I will have my hands full, lots of work and I feel quite scared with all those comments...

So I thought about sharing my questions with you!
First:
During pregnancy

• How do you manage when you are on the final stages of pg, to give baby a bath?

go up and down the stairs, any advice? Is it very hard? It may sound stupid but I was soooo careful with my 1st pg that I am afraid that I will have this one early because of the amount of work that I am doing with DS.

After, with the newborn:

• Any routines advice? sleep etc... can I get any routine at the beginning?
• Bath time with newborn and toddler?
• Phil and Teds is a good option of buggy?

MOST IMPORTANT:

• Do you think is very important to have family help during the first few months? My family is abroad so they would have to fly and stay over...
• Is it manageble at the beginning alone or will I need extra hands to help me out?

Lots of questions I know...but I am sooo lost, I see parents with two babies everywhere, I want to ask them tips (like when you get pg with twins you know...) but I guess that if I stop them in the street they will think I am crazy....

Any tips, help or advice would be very much appreciated!!!!

thank you

Mariass

OK, to begin with take a deep breath and relax. It really isn't that bad...

I have small age gaps between mine. DS1 was 20 months old when DS2 was born, and I was stupid enthusiastic enough to do the same again as there is also a 20 month age gap between DS2 and DD!

TBH when you're pregnant with your 2nd all of the things you were so careful about doing when you were pregnant with your 1st go out of the window. DS2 didn't walk until he was 16 months old, by which time I was 5 months pregnant with DD, so he was carried around a lot! But this isn't necessarily a bad thing, as running around after a baby/toddler means you don't have time to worry about every little thing.

Yes, help when the baby is born would be useful, but not essential. I presume that their dad will be taking some time off work?

Yes, you will have your hands full. But it is honestly worth it, trust me.

I have 16 months between my 2 eldest and it's great.

To be honest the pregnancy was a basic blur second time round. Like helyg says you know what to expect and just get on with it.

DD1 was in a good routine when DS was born so we tried as much as possible to fit around her. When she went to bed we bathed DS and got him ready etc. It worked well and before long DS was in a good routine too.

We had a Jane twin pushchair and liked it very much. The back eat reclined totally for DS and DD sat in front. The only draw back was if DD dozed off or wanted to rest there was no head support sa the toddler sear finished at shoulder height.

How much help you need depends on what sort of baby you end up with. I was very luck with DS as he soent the first few months either asleep or feeding. We had relatives who didn't see his eyes open until he was 8 or 9 weeks. Bless.

Best adviceis rest while you can and enjoy it!

oops, what a lot of typos! Sorry

I have a 2 year gap between my dds. From what I can remember, I was exhausted during my 2 nd pregnancy so would always have a nap when dd1 did.

I had to get my dh to bath dd1 from about 6 months as I couldn't lean over the bath, my dd1 was a bit older than your ds and I think I stuck her under the shower a couple of times when dh was working.

When dd2 arrived, it wasn't as bad as I expected. I remembered crying with tiredness when dd1 was tiny, but it wasn't as bad with 2. Take it easy, and don't make this difficult fir yourself. My dd lived on cheese sandwiches for a while, I don't think I ever changed a nappy upstairs on the change table, all done on the living room floor, dd2 had a dummy to help her settle, and when visitors came round I put them to work, just putting a wash on or hoovering or something.

I can't remember it being bad in the first few weeks but having said that I felt fine after the labour, was home the sane night and out having coffee with friends after 2 days so I think that helped too.

And congrats on the pregnancy, and good luck.

It's lovely now my dds are 1.6 and 3.6 and play together

The gap between my 2nd and 3rd children is 20 months so a bit bigger than yours. Baby is now 7 mths and toddler 25months. We manage ok despite both of our families living over the sea. Yes you will have your hands full and when things go wrong it gets stressful but its also a lot of fun. Accept any offers of help and don't be afraid to specify what help you really need. Like if people can get a shop in for you or cook a meal or take toddler of your hands for a while, its great. You don't need people sitting about your house adding to your workload. My policy with guests and 3 kids is now if you can't help me then get out of the way (not quite). We take shortcuts and alternate bath nights, baby gets a wee dip in one of his brothers baths every other night. We do a routine and they all sleep well which helps.
I wish I'd got a phil and teds but got a tandem Mothercare clunky thing which is too heavy. My 2 yr old wont get in the buggy at all, he walks everywhere so we'll get a single buggy and board soon.
In the early days I found the school run or going anywhere on time trying and when all 3 got sick at the same time that was tough but overall I really enjoy it. I would happily have a fourth (which would need to be v soon as my clock is ticking) but my husband is happy with 3. I find going to toddler groups v helpful as the kids get a lot of space to run about and you meet mums in similar situations.

Hi Mariass.

Bit longer of a gap. 2 full years between my two.

Pregnancy def have nap with DS if poss. Bath every other night. Try if you can/have get DP/DH to do it. Cant be as precious just try and take care of yourself as best as you can. Do not rush DS into potty training. I tried and was crawling round floors heavily pg cleaning up!! Spend some PG time trying to help DS play independantly my DS also IVF btw didnt do this cos i spent every moment with him, so bit of culture shock.
Go to toddler groups stay and plays now. DS can run around and hopefully you can rest.

Sleep routine, if DS hasnt got one get one. I stuck to DS and now DD goes to bed at same time. Only bathed DD once a week when newborn and from soon as DD could sit they have bathed together.

Phil and Teds, Brill, has few issues dont they all but on the whole been very happy with mine. Ummmed and aawwed for ages tried buggy board and ended up to scared of DS running of so felt housebound. Loved cocoon and DS in toddler seat, he loved position and i loved the fact noone could paw DD.

DH works 6 days and some night so was tough going. DM & DDad were visiting for a week when had DD so they looked after son till i returned from hosp 4 hours later. Dad made dinner everynight for the week. No family around after that except inlaws and they busy. Had visitors while pg, my sister took DS swimming so i could have a rest.

You will do just fine. Although it is hard and there are tough times what they gain from each other is just really special and i hope it always will be.

Best of luck. Put your feet up x

I meant to add that if you get childcare vouchers at work you continue getting them whilst off on mat leave.
This means my 2yr old goes to his childminder one day a week and it means I get a day with the baby which helps a lot.