OK I give up, I have FAILED. I need help with my 10 year old DD :-(

[MamaG]

We moved house / school / area in December

big upheaval all round

DD is NOT SETTLING

having trouble getting on with ohter kids at school (yr 6)

clashing with the kids on the estate

She's being a stroppy attention seeker if I'm honest

i don't know waht to do
have got her started with after school activities so she mixes with other kids but still the same old shit

I talk and talk and TALK to her, she does come to me with problems, but i need some new strategies.
don't care if we see a child psych/whatever or I go to parenting class - I'LL do whatever it takes

Any advice ..... please .... before i run away to Shetland!

I moved my dc's to a different school in January last year, and it took DS ages to be fully settled in, in all possibly up to 3 months.

Your DD has had a house move to a new area, so like you say, a massive upheaval.
You haven't failed at all, it just sounds like she needs more time.
Does she have any friends that you could invite round? I found with DS that he found it easier to join in if he felt he knew some of the other boys a bit better.
Sorry if I'm barking up the wrong tree!
Hope things get better for you both soon

Thanks 3

hgouse is a building site, can't have kids over really

it's hard enough with my own 3 and a million ZILLION tools

Got any rollercoasters handy? I always find a massive dose of adrenaline and a sensation of being close to losing your life really helps my preteen get things into perspective.

Oh bless you, you are obviously not a failure at all - you are a lovely, caring parent who is concerned enough to seek support on here.

How was her behaviour before the move? If you can honestly say that her behaviour has deteriorated significantly since you moved then I think you have to approach this from a very sympathetic standpoint; she will be feeling lonely and confused I expect. In fact, as hard as it is, sympathy is probably needed in spades regardless of when the behaviour started - I always think that if someone is being a problem, it is because they have got a problem (iyswim).

The first thing I would do is talk to the school to find out about her behaviour there; the class teacher will be used to new children in the class and should be able to suggest some strategies that you can both use (a sort of two pronged attack!). S/he should be able to tell you when the worst behaviour flares up for example - could be when they should be settling down to work (work too hard/easy/completely different to previous school) or when they are asked to get into pairs (no-one chooses her) etc.

In addition, I would start a major love offensive at home. I don't know anything about your relationship of course, but with my 10yo DD I have found that little wobbles like this can be sorted out with major major attention (which may be what she's after?) - so lots of girly films, board games, shopping etc.

thanks

I have been doing major love-in at home since we moved! notworking

she had 2 friends at odl school but i thought that was ok, but i see now that ohter kids just don't like her! I don't know why, she's a lovely girl

school are being a bit crap, going in for a meeting on monday to kick some arse

Aw, sweetie! You so have not failed her! You are doing all the right things.

I found yr6 to be the most difficult of years tbh. Too big to be at primary school, too small to be at secondary. Their personalties are starting to really show now and the friendships in the playground start to split, depending on which secondary school they're going to. Don't underestimate how hard it is for someone who has spent the last year as the biggest at school, knowing they are going to be a very small fish again. With huge teenagers! I bet that is playing on her mind and she won't admit it to you, coz then you'll worry!

Did you find a Guide unit for her? That helped DD enormously. She met new friends, that tbh are usually nice girls because they are all nice in Guiding! She met older girls from her new school, before she got there and it helped to relieve some of the scarey thoughts going through her head about starting there.

Thanks Mo. Yes, she's starting at a local unit after Easter

there are 3 and one has slots, a lot of the girls there (only 16 at the mo but with a few inc DD starting after Easter) go to DD's primary schooland will be going on to same high school.

I just want the toher girls to know how much FUNj she is!

She had an actual FIGHT at school yesterday - well, a shoving, slap type thing where two other girls were "against" her, but she stood her ground and they all got into trouble. Fecking girls, I want to shake them!

Oh honey, what with the move, change of schools and all the hormones beginning to surge through her little body, it is a very difficult time for BOTH of you.

I think it was the hardest time with DGD, to be honest, once she started her periods, it helped, the hormones, settled down a bit and she settled a bit.

Does she go up to Secondary School in September? I found that DGD's friends base changed then a bit anyway, she found more friends like her from a wider field.

At least your lines of communication are open, she will come to you, she will tell you what is wrong, a lot of 10 year old wouldnt do that, it shows how good a Mum you are.

I am on FB if you need me.

Thanks Shoshe

I do feel that i have though, I felt pretty desperate last night when I posted

I couldn't believe she's been in a fight! Never happened before.