When do social services get involved?

[IDismyname]

A friend of mine was admitted to hospital yesterday suffering from depression and a nervous breakdown.

Because of this - it has been going on for 5 years or more, - her marriage has suffered, and her dh moved out of the house a few months ago because he couldn't stand any more of her threats of suicide. He was worn to a frazzle; he's a lovely guy who just could not take it any more...

Since they split up, her husband has had both children (4y and 2.5y) almost every w/end to give her space, but finally she cracked, and her gp sent her to hospital.

Her dh has been desperate to keep a lid on this as he loves the children so, so much, but didn't want anyone in "authority" to really know as he is terrified that social services will take the children away from him. Now that the gp has sent her to hospital, no doubt there will be some sort of investigating going on by the HV.

Her dh set up his own company last year, which he obviously needs time to run, so grannies and friends are clubbing together to try and sort out a childminding rota, while everyone figures out what to do next.

My friend has been told not to have contact with the children for the time being, partly because she needs time to herself, and party for the childrens sake. I gather that they were sometimes part of the suicide plot.

Does anyone have any experience of what may happen? Does the family have to prove that they have organised adequate care for the children, or will social services only come if they are needed? (And that, may I add would be over the dh's dead body...)

There are big gaps in the story, I know. I don't have all the info, but I do know that all of you together have more good advice than anywhere else, and any help would be appreciated.

PS I am a regular here, but needed to change my name for this.

I have battled with chronic clinical depression for 10 years. Luckily though I have never been hospitalised. My DD is 4 and I have another on the way. At no point was there ever a question of putting DD into care or anything like that as long as I had a loving partner and a supportive family that were there mainly in practical terms. Infact social service helped find a nursery and stuff.

From what I know, I think that your friend's doctors would contact social services if they thought that there could be problems for the DH or the children. If they don't think that there needs to be intervention (and this doesn't have to mean removing children) then they will probably leave the DH to do the job he is already doing.

Of course this may change when your friend gets out of hospital, especially in respect to the suicidal thoughts.

I realise your friend and her DH are no longer together, but if he is still being responsible and loving towards the children and willing to look after them (and that includes arranging childcare) then its more than likely social services will offer nothing more than support. They will always try to keep a family together and make sure the kids have as much stability as possible.

Thanks pie for your help. I think we tend to think of social sevices as being the "baddies", whereas they are not always.
My cousin has clinical depression, so I've had some experience of the condition. Good luck with number 2

My SIL was sectioned a few years back. Social services were very supportive. As a family we all just rallied round and looked after the children while her husband worked.He looked after them after work. Social Services just came and assessed the situation and they said everything was fine. I wouldn't worry and take care.

doormat
How did it all work out in the end? What worries us is that there seems not to be an end in sight, IYSWIM. Grannies and friends can only go on for so long....
I'd be interested to hear how your SIL coped and if she's back in the "driving seat".

Blue2, I think he'll have to do what most working single parents do, which is organise some paid-for childcare for at least part of the time - such as a childminder or a nannyshare or a nursery. It sounds a terrible situation that may go on a while, so it might be better to make plans as if it is long term. The family courts are obsessed with keeping children in their immediate family if at all possible so I am absolutely sure that they won't interfere in your friend having his own children live with him. It also sounds as if having childcare organised would be a kind thing to do because his wife sounds as if she would find it very hard to cope with two young children full-time after such a serious illness.

In the town that I live in there is a social services day nursery which is designed to provide day care for children of families who are in these kind of situations(and others). It might be worth your friends husband looking into this.

This friend has now gone AWOL; not sure where she is. Her dh is terrified she's going to come back and take the children off with her while he is at work.
Poor girl is ill; she needs help. My heart bleeds for them all.
Thanks aloha and fio2 for your input.

blue2 - any more news on the situation? Sorry if I sound nosy but it sounds like such a hard situation for everyone involved that I was just hoping everyone was ok and surviving under the strain.