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whoa re these freaks? ( dm alert)

49 replies

SuSylvester · 19/03/2010 07:19

have they no self respect or idea that this might no be a good idea

OP posts:
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bronze · 19/03/2010 13:00

or a two baby trolley and a sling

OptimistS · 19/03/2010 14:31

It's the Daily Mail and I imagine (or hope for the children's sake) that the couple's words have been taken out of context a little in order to give an 'angle' to the story.

Saying "If we'd had just one baby, I know we'd still be together" is not actually the same thing as saying "our marriage collapsed because we had triplets." For example, my relationship broke down 4 months after I had (naturally conceived) twins. Having twins was the catalyst that made it all happen but the cause of the breakdown was a lazy partner who believed his needs were more important than mine or the twins. Unfortunately, I only realised this once the twins were born, and it's possible that if we'd only had one child, I might never have realised it! (I love my children for who they are, but I also love them for giving me the wake up call that I needed; I could have wasted years in a deadbeat relationship otherwise.)

My point is that this couple may have been talking about how having triplets exposed all the weaknesses in their relationship that they'd been hitherto unaware of, and the Daily Mail being what it is, had to sensationalise it into this story. I doubt very much whether the interviewees had any say over the finished article.

StuffedFullOfNothing · 19/03/2010 14:39

First rule of divorce: Assure your kids it is not their fault. Do not go to a national newspaper saying it is their fault, along with their photo

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Acinonyx · 19/03/2010 14:42

Optimists - that is a good point. I was once interviewed for a story and I was appalled when I read it and saw what had been done with direct quotes out of context. They gave it quite a strong angle and it did cause some offence to my family. I was very naive - never again unless I can check the final copy.

TulipsInTheRain · 19/03/2010 14:50

christ they sound like idiots.... they rushed into having kids on a whim and tbh judging by the article they wouldn't have coped with one never mind three

so cross that those poor kids are being told 'mommy and daddy's divorce is your fault'

TulipsInTheRain · 19/03/2010 14:52

and while i'm on the issue... how in the name of god is 40,000 a year not enough to keep them?

I have 4 years beteeen oldest and youngest with my three and we manage on significantly less than that!

MissusRabbit · 19/03/2010 15:02

I was a bit at the 40k a year not being enough too

MathsMadMummy · 19/03/2010 15:18

Have to admit my first thought was 'shop online!' (in fact the only reason we got the internet last month after 2yrs without it was because of food shopping, we have no car and 2 kids!)

My DH earns 18k a year (we get a bit of benefit because of low income) - hell, if we were on 40k a year I'd consider myself rich!!!

I can totally see how their marriage broke down, it's really sad for them especially that he had to go abroad after the birth.

But regardless of any DM spin, to go to the press about that is disgusting. Reading the very sad words juxtaposed with the happy photos with gorgeous kids and gorgeous house was rather uncomfortable to look at. Hypocritical much???

sarah293 · 19/03/2010 15:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

OptimistS · 19/03/2010 16:00

I wonder if this has anything to do with TAMBAs (Twins and Multiple Births Association) recent appeal to parents of multiples? TAMBA have asked members if they would be prepared to talk to the media about the extra strain experienced by families with multiples in a bid to get the government to improve their lot. I wonder if this was supposed to be one such feature? If so, it has gone badly wrong (but then what would you expect from a newspaper that frequently attacks single mothers on benefits for 'expecting the state to keep them' while simultaneously attacking women who work for 'neglecting their children'). If this is part of the TAMBA awareness drive the DM was not a good choice. It is a sensationalist newspaper with a strong streak of misogyny and next to no regard for what the children featured in this article will feel when they read it in future years. Needless to say, I have long passed the point of letting anything I come across in the DM make any sort of emotional or intellectual impact on me whatsoever...

MathsMadMummy · 19/03/2010 16:03

oh yeah the other thing was, I always felt (naively perhaps) that if you're telling a sad story to the press, it should raise awareness so other people don't have as bad a time.

are they trying to say hey, don't have triplets!!! because people can't exactly help it can they...

Clarissimo · 19/03/2010 16:18

I think we should go for it toegther Riv, our DH's could stand forlorn in teh background looking all techie whilst we have pictures taken accumulating alrge amounts of DLA etc

We live on a total of £30k including my CA, disability benefits, TC's etc, DH's earnings and his student finance. It's not fab, soem real stresasful moments, but it's OK( we have 4 kids also, different ages but ASD chucks in a few costs of its own

BNan had 3 sets of twins, never divorced (I think she pretty much left him to the care of the pub though, from teh bits I hear, none of which are flattering on his behalf). Maybe I should just go to the pub to avoid divorce?

Clarissimo · 19/03/2010 16:20

Oh MAths the multiple birth people are putting in a claim for extended mat leave / benmefits etc for parents of multiples

Now, it wouldnlt ahve helped us but not sure why they would get it and people with chidlren disabled at birth should get less mat elave? And dont benefits get paid per child anyway?

Am not saying its not bloody ahrd with multiples btw, sure it is, but so are many other things.

bronze · 19/03/2010 16:27

How about extended mat leave for prems then? Seeing as a lot of people end up going back to work just as they get their baby home

OptimistS · 19/03/2010 17:13

I think there's a really good case for extending maternity leave for people with premature or disabled babies and for increasing benefits (e.g. to cover the travelling costs people with disabled/prem babies often incur), just as much as I feel that people with multiples could do with a bit of positive discrimination. I don't feel it's a good idea to object to help for person A simply because person B is equally as deserving. Hopefully we an improve everyone's lot one step at a time.

That said, as a mum of twins, I would like to make a few points.

Having two or more newborn babies is very different from having one, even when there are other children (sometimes only 9 months older) in the household, especially if you're breastfeeding. That said, once you get past the endless feeding/changing routine and start getting some sleep again, I think multiples can actually be easier than having two of different ages, though that's just a personal viewpoint.

There are some financial implications though, which are specific to multiples. If you have two children close together, you get the 'child under one' element of the tax credits for each child (unless you got pregnant straight away, in which case you'd miss three months worth of payments). If you have twins or triplets, you only get it once, as you can only claim for one child under the age of one. That's not fair.

You also can't hand anything down with multiples. I know there are plenty of families with small age gaps between their children, but at least they have a bit of time to save up some money from the time they bought child 1's car seat to the time they have to buy child 2's car seat. With multiples you have to buy everything all at the same time. With triplets it is even worse as the equipment becomes more specialist and therefore much more expensive. A double buggy, for example, is commonly used by parents with different aged children, so parents with twins can get one at a reasonable price. Triple buggies, however, are not as common and are expensive even on the second-hand market.

Childcare is another issue. It costs the same to put two children into nursery regardless of whether or not they are twins or different ages. The difference is that with singly born children you have longer to pay the full amount. For example, if you have children with one year between them and you start both of them at nursery when they are aged 1, you will be paying out for 4 years (assuming they're born in september). Child 1 will have a year, then both will attend, then child one will leave to go to school and only child 2 attends nursery. With twins you are paying the same amount of money but in three years. It's a bit like repaying a loan in 3 years instead of 4. It's also next to impossible to find a childminder prepared to take on twins under one, and many childminders only ever have one place at a time newly available, let alone 2, or 3 or more.

Now that my twins are older (just turned 3), I rarely think of them as twins anymore. I don't feel any different to any other mother of two children. I certainly don't feel that my life is harder because I had multiples; quite the reverse in fact.

Anyway, all this is a digression from the main point of this thread, sorry.

Clarissimo · 19/03/2010 19:03

Optimist I alrgely agree, I think politically though the country cannot afford to give all those people extras (I wish- I have 2 disabled children!) and therefore its either give to only A, or nonbody, there isnt enough cash so those in need have to fight over the pittance.

Which is a cryimg shame of course.

FWIW I have 2 with a gap of 13 montsh and I agree with you about teh differneces except I cant hand down either, ds1 was so bloody small / is so small that by 2 they'd caught up in sizes LOL, in fact all three older ones (140, 9, 6.5) wear age 7-8 trousers PMSL (we are very, very odd) so can feel your pain on that.

Its crap about the child under one element, didnt know that (no TCs when I ahd forst children as I am indeed Very Very Old, there should be something done about that.

BendyBob · 20/03/2010 10:42

I'm so glad to see such sensible responses to this here.

Dh and I read this today and I felt so for the children.

tortoiseonthehalfshell · 20/03/2010 11:05

Riven 90%? I guess I'm not surprised, but I am sad. As if it wasn't hard enough.

I don't have much to say about this, except, how sad. Fuck, I'm so privileged.

Acinonyx · 20/03/2010 11:58

Similar to optimist's comment - they probably (almost certainly) did not choose to go to the press - the press will have gone trawling for suitable people to comment on a theme and they will have been contacted - or it may have been part of a media drive as suggested.

Nancy66 · 20/03/2010 17:06

No, you're wrong. They willingly told their story, posed for pictures and were well paid.

brimfull · 20/03/2010 17:11

dm alert
I was searching for doc martens

ASecretLemonadeDrinker · 20/03/2010 17:16

FFS, Ocado or tesco.com you mad woman. Forced to work? Everyone is forced to work, it gives you money to buy food 'n stuff. AIBU to wonder why they couldn't afford 3 babies on 40k a year? I think it's probably a matter of wrong priorities - no doubt struggling with a big mortgage to afford some wnaky new build and pay the HP off the Audi that both had to work, and therefore marriage fell apart. What a sell out.

ASecretLemonadeDrinker · 20/03/2010 17:29

"It took a year before the couple found enough money to fund two separate homes in Swindon"

my heart bleeds

babies = money and time. Swindon is a cheap place to live - DH and I manage (soon to be) 3 under 5, long work shifts, mortgage, little money and if our marriage fell apart I would not blame our DSs. They were obviously living waaaay above their means to sink on £40k a year (infact more with her job), and I don't think she can blame her kids for her debt to fund her eyeliner fetish

MissusRabbit · 22/03/2010 06:45

And now read this lovely story about twins

www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1259651/Exhausting-chaotic--twins-strengthened-marriage-.html

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