Toddler group etiquette??

[MrsGeek]

I've started going to a couple of toddler groups and wanted to know if there are any generally accepted rules of etiquette I should know about?

I don't know, I never got on with my local bitch and titch tbh. I was glared at if I tried to join in conversations, it became obvious that there were different groups that had known each other for a while and they weren't very welcoming.

In the end I would go just to get out of the house for a couple of hours, but concentrate on playing with dd instead of talking to adults, and eventually I met another mum doing the same and she turned into one of my very best friends, hurrah!

I'd say take it slow.

Don't know so much about etiquette, but do know some toddler groups can be super competitive which is tiresome.
Not just comiserating over sleepless nights etc that we all go through and other harmless friendly stuff, but I have seen it develop into a full blown competition, whose kid sleeps longest/eats most/poos the most etc etc etc.
My advice, don't get involved!!!
And if you don't feel comfortable look for another one!!

Oh, and for gawd's sake don't ignore it your little billy is battering princess toots in the corner, because that doesn't go down too well

Thanks, one that I go to is ok for DD but a bit boring for me because I don't have anything in common with the other mums.
The other one I've started going to seems very nice and they were really welcoming when I joined, chatting to me straight away, telling me whats in the area etc so I'm hoping that I will enjoy that one.

Its things like if my DD nicks a biscuit off another child etc, I don't want to be seen as doing the wrong thing in response IYSWIM?

If she nicks a biscuit then you have to intervene, likewise if she pinches a toy from another child.

I'm glad you've found some friendly faces

Scrudd - I would def intervene but just wanted to know if there any unwritten rules that as a newbie to this sort of thing I should be aware of so I don't commit some sort of social suicide!!

I expect the rules change from group to group. I think normal polite behaviour is probably your best bet.

Is it the first place your child is interacting with other toddlers regularly?

If it is, then this is where you begin to instill manners in her too. Sharing, not stealing, not hitting, that sort of thing.

If mine had a tantrum because I told her off at toddler group, we would leave almost immediately. It's a bugger if you've just got a cup of tea and were hoping for a bit of a sit down, but needs must.

She has interacted with others before but mostly just with babies, she is just getting mobile now and is harder to entertain, hence the need to get out more.
I'm very keen for her to have good manners and always intervene with 'no, you need to share' or 'xxx was playing with that' etc but I'm not sure any of it is going in yet!!

It takes time! no-one is going to expect your child to be a little saint, but they will definitely appreciate it if you intervene and reprimand consistantly. Believe me, you'll be glad you did too, in the long run

In my experience, the parents that are disliked (as opposed to simply ignored) at toddler groups are the ones that don't intervene, and in fact don't even watch their child at all, so just happen to 'miss' everytime their child does something awful to another child. The last thing you want if for another parent to feel the need to tell yours off, because they don't think you're paying attention.

I don't mean you can't take your eyes off her, just make sure that if you're not doing one on one interaction with her, you're glancing over regularly and show some kind of reaction if any child suddenly screeches (and I mean look up and make sure the screeching has nothing to do with your daughter, not leap into the fray if it's nothing to do with you, lol!)

If she's still very young (and I guess she is if only just mobile), then no one is going to expect her to have impeccable (or any) manners. However, they will expect you to be showing her what is polite and what is not, however much is or isn't registering with her at the moment. And where she's doing something that upsets another child, they will expect you to intervene sharpish.

So if she grabs a toy another child is playing with, then saying 'its not nice, wait your turn' or whatever, and handing the toy back, will be much appreciated by the other child's mother. Followed by quick distraction on your part to try and head off the resulting tantrum. If you're lucky, the other mum will say 'its nice to share' to their child and let the toy go (a bit like 'after you' 'no, after you' 'no no, after you...').

Until she's much older, you're basically the interface between her and the world outside, so as long as you are behaving in a polite and considerate way, I wouldn't worry about there being any 'hidden' etiquette, or about your baby/toddler behaving like all babies/toddlers do.

Oh, but no matter how awful you think some of the other little horrors children are, don't tell them off! That's up to their parents and most won't thank you for it.

Humpty - LOL at mums competing over whose kid poos the most!

mango I'm still sour over my kid being 6 weeks old and not speaking in sentences, eating 3 course dinners and riding a bike!!!!

It's a minefield.

Sometimes I feel like I am telling DS off too much at playgroups.

I have a SAHD amoungst us who is a real Sgnt Major. If his DS as much as sneezes in another kids direction he is down on him like a ton of bricks.
It makes us nervous too and we just realised that we are telling our DS/DD's off more when he is around .
He tends to say/do stuff like when another tot takes a toy from his DS he says loudly "I know pal but it's not my place"....we all shrink!!

His mum is not much better. I had her here for a playdate and she kept telling my DS off before I could open my mouth ...it was weird, especially when DS wasn't really doing much.

I've decided that im going to stop worrying what others might think and just watch DS and only intervene with really bad behaviour that I don't want to see ie hitting etc. But tiny squabbles where nobody is hurt and is over in a second....who cares.

They do need some space to handle life on their own without us breathing down their necks.

My DS is 2.10 months. Your DD is still so young and probably needs watched more for her safety more than anything so don't worry.

I loved playgroups, and now my children are too old for them I still hang out with many mums I met at the Wednesday group. It's up to you, but I offered straight away to make tea, clear up the toys, and spoke to people very quickly. But that's just me, I'm a foreigner so I've got an excuse to speak to people without being formally introduced!!

I don't tell other children off ever, but I intervene and look for the mum/dad if there's a hair pulling/bitting situation. Other than that I played with my boys and had nice chats. I have met many mums that are not at all competitive, and all support each other. I met a pediatrician, a GP, a nurse, a lawyer, a branding guru, a computer expert, someone who runs her own business, an early years education specialist, a head of Accounting for a very large company, a Spanish nanny with whom I still practice my very poor Spanish, etc ... so I'm covered in all eventualities...

Why oh why have I only heard Scrudd's fantastic 'bitch and titch' expression now that my own children are school age and I'll never have to go to one again?

rofl

I run a M&T group - the mums who settle and come back - talk to people, intervene when DCs snatch, hit, bite etc..... As a helper I always try to talk to new people but can't always manage to as I have other things to do.

There is always a clique of mums or minders who will not talk to anyone else - just ignore them and talk to someone else.

Please help tidy up and join in the singing

yes I think the key is that you have to be seen to be policing your child's behaviour. Everyone expects a few bust ups though. As long as your child isn't alway hitting everyone else's then you should be OK.

Chat to people, then chat more to the people who talk back!

i used to go to one but the mums going there to catch up with weekly gossip and not paying eny attention to their monsters offspring were so annoying!

once my son was playing with trains and anoother boy came up to him and took train off him, my son took it back (and i thought GOOD FOR YOU! GO JACK GO!)other kid screems and that minute his mother comes up and says: is THAT boy SNACHING toys DARLING?

WTF?

I could have punched the bitch lol