11mth old baby and pregnant again!!!!

[samanthajm]

My son will be a year next week to my ex partner and ive just found out that im 8 weeks pregnant to my new partner even though i was on pill. He is very excited and im depressed and worried. I worry about small town gossip and how i cope with two babies and a business.Im not sure how life will be with an 18mth old and a newborn.Do you have to settle for a twin buggy?do i have to put my son in a bed before he is ready?At the moment i just dont want this baby (how bad is that)I cant see how ill love it as much as my son who was a real wanted baby.I was also still suffering PND with him.

that's almost exactly the same gap as my two.

It's great.

I suggest a tandem buggy and a carry cot for the newborn for the first couple of months (that's what I did anyway). I also run my own business and the return to work was hard, but not impossible.

otoh if you reallydon't want it you need to act quickly. don't let gossip be a factor though.

samanthajm I fell pregnant when DS was a year old, so he will be 21mo when this one's born - am due in January.

Congratulations on your pregnancy - it's come as a shock, so it's not surprising you have mixed feelings about it.

With things like a double buggy and putting DS into a bed, I'm going to play it by ear. We've inherited a swinging crib, which I'm hoping will be more use than a moses basket and last longer - that way, DS will be over two when he goes into a bed. You could do the same maybe?

Children who are close in age are often really close and play really well together as they are interested in the same age range toys, etc.

Please don't let small town gossip upset you. Your partner is excited which is a great help.

Good luck - and try posting on the antenatal thread here for the month you're due for more support from mums to be at the same stage of pregnancy as you xxxxxxxxxxx

Thanks so much for your replies.I hoped i would come on here and get some reassurance.Wasnt sure where to put this conversation but thanks for the advice.I have a swinging crib from ds so can use that and i will wait that sounds better.Wont get rid of the baby i think that would encounter a lot more issues and problems.Just hard to get excited after just doing it and i had a horrible time of it so just worried.Still early days with new partner so still unsure.I think its a case of very bad timing.Thanks for the reassurance from both of you,needed to know someone else had done it or is going to and survived.

You also will have a better idea of what to expect and where to go to get help. Is your GP supportive? Did you get help for PND last time?

Keep talking on here - it's fab, I promise.

Thanks yeah my doc is as good as you get for the time she has.I was still receiving treatment for PND when i fell pregnant obviously off it now.Havent had first antenatal appointment yet or scan so im hoping ill feel better after that.Just disappointed its so soon. Would have liked a bit of an age gap so i could appreciate the baby stage again without my ds feeling left out.Me and him have came through a tough time together so feel very protective over him.

You will feel protective of this one too, I promise. And DS won't mind - he'll never remember a time when he didn't have a sibling, so don't worry. And he'll be the one person guaranteed to make the baby laugh too, which will help them bond too.

Please don't worry - it's hard whether you have a big or a small gap - just in different ways. Glad you have a supportive GP - makes all the difference xxxxxxxxxx

I have an 18 month old age gap with my 2 dd's, not planned but was very happy if not a little worried.

I found with an 18 month old age gap I needed a double buggy, but to be honest you probably wont need one for long, so perhaps try to find a second hand one. However, if you get on well with the baby slings or similar you may not even need one, you could also try buggy boards too, though I found that my older daugher didnt get on too well with them.

DD1 was in a cot bed and we converted it to the bed part just as dd2 was born, more to do with the fact that she fell out of her cot onto a wooden floor. We have only just moved her into a bed now (3), and I bought another cot bed for dd2. I used the moses basket which I had for dd1 for dd2 to start with.

I know what you mean about not thinking you could love this baby as much. DD1 was conceived with IVF and was a very very very much wanted baby. DD2 was a natural conception, so you can imagine that I was totally unprepared. We honestly thought we would only ever have one child. To be honest it took a little longer to bond with her, but now I love them all the same and couldnt imagine life without them.

DD1 is now 3 and DD2 is 15 months and they have a great time playing together, they are so close, its a joy to watch. However, the frist 6 months were quite tough.

So a big congratulations and try to enjoy.

Thanks for all the advice.I really dont want a double buggy.Can hardly drive the single one i have.I do notice you get some seats for certain prams so will have a look.I hope they do get on well as i dont want my ds to have to grow up to quick because of the new one.Maybe im just being too protective.I just remember how tough i found the first 6months with one baby so two....My doc is good but she just thinks ill be fine.Dont see where she gets that from PND was really bad at first.Wouldnt let ds out of my sight for months. You all have really helped me.Desperate to hear from people in my situation.I suppose i better go to bed early start tomorrow.Thanks so much for all your replies, really helpedxxxxx

samantha - the second baby is a lot easier because you already know what you're doing. It's hard with two, yes, but actually it was nothing like as hard as I thought it would be.

As for feeling guilty because you're not as excited/because you don't feel attached to the new baby yet - it's early days. Dd was in hospital when ds was born and so he was kind of in the background for the first two weeks and I did worry that he was being neglected (he wasn't, but my attention emotionally was on dd). Now though I love him just as much as dd - in a kind of different way, but just as much. Every woman and every pregnancy is different, and just because you're not excited doesn't mean you won't be the best mother you can be to both of the children.

You'll be fine! Just make sure you look after yourself in the meantime.

I have a 22 month gap and its early days, but going ok. Both children were somewhere between planned and unplanned IYKWIM.

Main thing is try to get actual support after the birth, but don't accept offers of help from people who will undermine you (my MIL-spent 2nd pg repeating "how WILL you cope" like a mantra, every time we eg had out of date yoghurt in the fridge. Now goes on about how much we are neglecting poor older ds-eg the day after his sister was born his breakfast was TEN MINUTES LATE! ). For me, this support was worse than useless.

Re loving the new baby-I worried about this too. I didn't find it an issue, BUT if it is for you, there is help out there. I spent whole pg feeling guilty about ds, but in the end, it is probably easier to love a helpless nwborn than a toddler who has just learnt to say no, and its all fine.

You don't need a twin buggy, but it might help. We have used ours a lot, as ds still wants to be carried also, so sling is not practical.

Also-if you intend to bf then completely toddlerproof the house as your ds will spend a lot more time unsupervised than you would like. And a playpen (for the baby) is a good idea.

I would be very honest with your gp/midwife. there are support groups, practical help, etc that you can get if need be. obviously they will look out for pnd but they also need to look out for depression now.

22 month gap here, planned. The first few months were extremely hard (my fault for trying to be supermum - tip: DON'T!) but now it's great and my little girlies play together.

Recommend a tandem buggy, I got a mothercare one, £150 I think, it was a lifesaver to get you out and about for a walk in those first few months, and baby is guarenteed to sleep as it can lie down flat. It's a bit heavy now baby is nearly 11 months, so I am going to invest in a buggy board.

Stay on here for advice!

xxxx

I have 16 month gap and it has worked out great, as others have said your son won't remember a time without the baby. They play great, they are now 2 and 9 months.
You will need some sort of double, I swear by my E3 but apart from that you don't need much new stuff

11 months between dd2 and ds - all 4 born at same time of year therefore lots of jokes from people I don't even know properly about our annual bonk...
They are now 9 and 8 and it's great. I was hugely embarrassed initially but who cares? It's fantastic on holiday and in the evenings.

I had a double buggy then, but didn't for dd1 and 2 - 23 months between them. She just walked everywhere or dd2 went in sling when tiny. There are some great combinations out there - I'd look at European versions as well as UK as they seem to be a bit more family oriented. Maybe Holland or Belgium. Certainly down here in Kent I know lots of people who channel hop for baby sit-ons / buggy board type things.

smanathajm....what of it...if you are...YOU ARE....enjoy it and CONGRATULATIONS....

p.p...i am so maternal and have had four myself and one just 7 weeks ago but even now AGAIN....feeling very broody......

I'll have an 18/18 1/2 month gap between my two when dd is born - due end of August. Planned as I am 33 and might want a third although naively thought it would take longer than 2 months to get pregnant again I AM nervous as found first 6 months with ds hard but am also happy and excited at the same time. Have bought a double buggy, don't think there is much choice about this and ds will be going into a cotbed. I've decided he's still way too little for a bed and sleeps brilliantly so I'm not messing that up if I don't have to! Good luck, you are certainly not the only one in this position.