How to decide when to have another?

[gingerbaby]

Hi,

My DS is 7 months, I'm still breastfeeding and haven't had a period. I'd like to start trying for number two in about three months, the DH has okayed this but I don't know whether the age gap would be too small?

Also, DS was an August baby and I don't want another in June/July/August so it'd mean stopping trying to conceive for a few months then resuming after Christmas. Should I just wait til after Christmas and treat myself to a few glasses of wine? DS will be 16 months then.

I think I just want you to make my decision for me!! What are peoples' experiences of different age gaps?

Thanks.

My gap is 17 months. Second baby not exactly planned and he had colic for the first 10 weeks which made things harder. But its lovely now that they're so close together and play together etc. I didn't get much support from my hubby as he was away lots or out late etc. If your hubby is going to be able to help you at bedtime in the early days I'd say go for it

But if you'll manage on your own a lot, leave it longer, until your son would be age 2 on arrival of next child. IYSWIM.

Thanks for the reply. Yes I will be on my own a lot, DH gets home around 8/9ish and sometimes works or studies at weekends so might be best to leave it then! Unless I get a king size bed for me and the babies ans lie down and be a big ol' sow all night.

I guess it also depends on how you cope under stress though. If you're laid back etc you may find it a breeze?

I found the early days hard on my own with 2 so close together. Lots of tears.

after dh getting a bit over excited the other day we had a chat about whether we were ready for dc2.
i wasn't sure and said in a bit.

however after that i felt sad at not having another one for a bit longer and realised if i was sad about putting it off then i must be ready.

well i know where my heart is now and what dh thinks but still think we need to think about the practicalities

I have a 2.5 year age gap. So therefore conceived when DD was 21 months so started when she was about 19 months old. I like the age gap. They play together, I didnt have too much jealousy and found the early days were hard but manageable as at least DD could do certain things by herself and follow instructions fairly well. I only have 2 school years between them as well with DD starting school this year and then only 2 years for DS.

Please be aware that age gaps aren't always that easy to control. Sometimes nature takes things into it's own hands and you end up taking much longer to concieve than you expect.
I have a 4 year age gap, it's fine. My DD was able to take herself to the toilet, get herself dressed with much less help etc. But she was also very aware that she was sharing my attention and not too pleased about it.
However, secondary infertility meant I really didn't have much choice in the age gap we ended up with - we were trying from when DD was 11mo.

pip- that is a worry as i have pcos.
i think for me it's more about what minimum gap can i manage. if ds was only 15mo say and dc2 arrived then i think that'd be really hard to have 2 non walkers. although i suppose you do get all the sleepless nights condensed into one short hellish period...
just gotta work out if we can move house before ttc or we need to stay put for a bit longer

Our age gap will be just under 3 years. We started to try when DS was 20 months - conceived instantly, had miscarriage, conceived instantly again... another miscarriage... third time's the charm and DS will be 2.11 when DD arrives.

I'll let you know what that's like when the baby's actually here!!!

I always thought I wanted them close together, but DS's nightmare colic (for 6+ months....) put us both off for a very long time...

*mrsflux8 sorry to hear about your pcos, it all adds another layer of complexity to making a decision.

I think you are right to focus on the minimum age gap you think you could handle, and tbh people manage to cope with really small gaps and really large gaps so I'm sure you will handle whatever age gap you eventually end up with.

Good luck - with the TTC and the house move .

I'll have 19 months between our two when number two arrives in June.

We started trying with minimum 18 month gap and got lucky early. I am 35 and my mum and nan had early menopauses so I wasn't presuming I would be able to have another. Decided I would rather try asap and have it not happen, than leave it and regret that waiting if nothing happened.

Had to wait for minimum 18 month gap as I was still healing from nasty forceps birth/seeing physio etc.

I think all gaps have their pros and cons. Personally I am looking forward to getting nappies etc out the way in one go - am only planning two children - and able to hand on baby stuff once done rather than store things for years in a small house. I am hoping a sibling will enrich DD's world and help with her sharing and acceptance of company as she will be so young.

Would be nice if she could do more for herself, but if one child needs constant care then I am still tied and tired so might as well be both of them! If I got used to more freedom I might resent the reversal again with number two.

Hoping they will enjoy similar activities as similar ages, saves hiding the small piece 'not for under 3's' toys we don't have yet too!

There's 18 months between my 2, think it's a lovely age gap, means that when going to toddler groups, days out etc it's easy to do stuff that interests both of them. Didn't have any jealousy issues, think dd was too young when ds arrived, she soon acted as though he'd always been there. Now they play together really well, it actually makes my life easier when they're both at home rather than just one as they entertain and occupy each other rather than just relying on me to play constantly. Yes it can be hard work, yes they fight, but all in all think it's lovely. Pregnant with number 3 now though, will be a 3 yr gap this time, and that scares me!

It is easy to be flippant about age gaps - I didn't expect to have 3.3 years between my two (due 2nd baby in July) but that's how nature has intended it. I wouldn't have minded a smaller gap but had a MC when there would have been a 2.5 y age gap. Sometimes you just have to be openminded about it and let nature take it's course because for some couples it doesn't necessarily happen when you want it to.

Our age gap will be 2.2 when no.2 is born is June. I don't think I would have wanted much of a smaller gap, it's been quite tough being pregnant with an active toddler, but at least she is a good walker now so I'm not carrying her so much.

We had trouble conceiving 1st time due to PCOS so started trying for no.2 whwn DD was 15 months - I figured the gap would be a minimum of 2 years, which I could cope with. To my surprise I got pregnant within a couple of months! I think ideally I would have liked a 3 year gap so DD was out of nappies etc, but you can't plan these things, I'm just grateful I got pregnant at all!

On a completely selfish note I also wanted to wait til I'd lost all the baby weight before getting pregnant again, as someone once told me if you don't lose the weight between pregnancies it will never come off!

I'm starting to think I would like 3 years between them. My son will be 3 in the July, and if I had a baby in the September son could go to preschool without it being a faff picking up and dropping off, as I would be on ML for the entire school year.

Oh the best laid plans...

DS1 starts nursery the month after DS2 is due to be born so it will be nice to get a few hours each day just with baby.

That's what I think too lovechoc.

My DS is 19 months and I am due DC2 in about three weeks. For me, I wanted to get all of the baby days, sleepless nights, nappies and so on out of the way at once. Also I feel it's important for me to be at home when they're young, but I want to get back to work at some point and again, the sooner the better. DS has an August birthday so will start nursery pretty much as soon as he turns three; hopefully it will be financially feasible for me to go back to work at that point, and DC2 will be old enough that I'll hopefully be happy to leave him/her in childcare for a bit.

I was exclusively BF and doing BLW and when DS had a bit of a leap with solids and dropped the frequency of his milk my periods came back - when he was 10 months. I had one period and then got pg straight away - never got a chance to use the new, large-sized mooncup!