What to do with DD1 when in hospital having DD2

[lola0109]

Hi all,

I'm 38 weeks just now with DD2 so hoping to go anytime. My DD1 is 18 1/2 months and we've done our best not to introduce huge changes and we've included her in as much of the baby prep as we possibly can and kept her in her normal-ish routine.

We have organised for my sister to be on stand by as DD1 loves spending time with her and other than being at uni she doesn't have any commitments that can't be pushed aside when she is needed.

We thought we had it all sorted but this past 2 weeks DD1 has been very clingy and constantly asking for me, making sure i'm about etc. This might have something to do with me finishing work 6 weeks ago so constantly being there.

Now, my concern is what to do when I go into labour, if it's in the middle of the night, do I wake DD so she knows we're leaving and her aunt is there, do we let her wake in the morning and maybe get upset.

Then once in the hospital, I think siblings can be there all day, so do we allow her to come visit as soon as DD2 arrives or do we wait until visiting when there are other people around to make a fuss of her as well, or more so to allow me to make a fuss of DD1 whilst grandparents etc coo over DD2.

I realise that this is a long post for somethjing so trivial but I have been mega organised up until now and am now beginning to panic that anything that happens now is outwith my control and just want to be totally prepared!

So just wondering what other folk did?

TIA

don't worry, it's definitely not a trivial question! But do you think she's picking up on your unease and becoming more clingy because of it?

will come back with practical suggestions in a mo,

DD will be 2y5m when DC2 arrives in Sept, so a little older than your DD.

At 23 months now, she has started being more clingy, but I put that down to me giving up work and her being used to me being around more. Not necessarily an age thing.

I have no intention of waking her if I end up going into hospital at night - I don't really see what it would achieve. She would be cranky at being woken, confused and probably upset. It would then fall to my in-laws, who will just have driven 20 minutes in a panic , to re-settle her while we go to hosp.

It seems (to me) to make much more sense to leave her to sleep, to wake up naturally in the morning in her usually cheerful way, and then see the in-laws. I doubt she would be upset, but if so, they will make a fuss of her as usual and take her mind right off it.

As for going into hospital - your choice, but personally, I'd rather come home and get settled before doing the introductions. But that's just me. DD's labour was long and I was exhausted - am hoping it will all be better this time, but just in case - seems easier for it all to be done at home, in our time

hth - definitely not trivial, I think I am thinking more about this than the labour! And as I say, not even due til September. Good luck

I worried loads about this towards the end of my second pregnancy (as you say ITZG, much more than I worried about the birth itself).

Here's how it worked for us. DD1 was 15 months when DD2 was born. My mum came as soon as I thought something was happening (it was over 2 hours to drive but luckily early on a Sunday morning. When DD1 woke up I was already have mildish contractions so she did see me. I'm glad I went into hospital as she never saw me in any real pain and was definitely checking to see if I was okay.

She was with my mum all day. She was totally fine, they had a ball. DD2 was born at lunchtime but I ended up in overnight. DH went home at tea time to do dinner/bath/bed with DD1 as usual. He didn't come back up to the hospital til she was asleep and left my mum with her. We did introductions the next day when DD1 got home from nursery and DD2 and I had had a bit of time to settle in to the house.

For all my agonising, apparently DD1 hardly asked where I was. It was important she saw daddy at bedtime I think, but she was totally completely fine. I think if your sister can be there to look after your DD1, they will have a whale of a time togethr, have lots of fun and your DD1 might hardly notice the time passing (I meant that in a nice way, because she's having so much fun, not because she doesn't miss you obviously). I think having such a small gap makes this easier than it might be with a 3 year old who would need more preparation and could be more anxious about where you were (possibly - well my 3 year old probably would be!)

I wouldn't wake her because when I had dc2 we managed to sneak out at 11.45pm leaving BIL on the sofa and as she was born at 12.15am DH was home by about 4am so dc1(then 16m) didn't notice. We didn't plan it like that, we'd expected a 24 marathon labour and had a whole list of people lined up for their babysitting shift but that's how it turned out. Fortunately we lived 5 mins away from the hospital.

I wouldn't worry (but of course you will). DD was 17m and looked after by DP, CM, auntie, DP, auntie, CM, auntie, and then DP (at which point she caught flu and had to be kept away from the maternity ward, isolating me and DS for 3 days (and keeping DP from visiting). She did get to see her little brother on the day he arrived (at normal visiting time).

I wouldn't go overboard on the visits because even though a new baby is exciting for you, your DD will want to play and may rush around like crazy when all you need to do is rest. (I speak from experience and a lot of hospital visits before the birth.)

Good luck.

Hi all, thanks for the comments.

Of course that makes sense not to wake her as if it goes quickly DP will be home before she wakes! We're only 20 mins from the hospital so quite lucky.

When I was in having DD1 I wanted DP there from 9am till 9pm as I was nervous being left in hospital for 3 days. But this time all going well I want to be home as soon as possible (maybe stay one night for a rest ) so it would make sense for DP to go home and do the night time routine as normal and come back in later if needed.

I'm sure she'll be fine and she loves spending time with her aunt and I know she'll be spoiled for the day so I'm possibly worrying about nothing.

Thanks again though, I feel much better.