Will do a poo anywhere but only with one or other parent present

[bumpy06]

Please help I am getting desperate.

My boy 3.5 has been fully dry at night and all day for over a year now. we have had no problems when he is at home. Even when we are out and about in a new environment, even on an airplane at Christmas he happily told everyone that he needed a poo. Although he does have one habit that he must go in alone and close the door. He then calls when he wants me or his dad to wipe his bottom.

I think we might be part of the problem when he went to day nursery in my work one of us would always collect hiim at lunchtime and then he would go. He has never had to go "alone" or with strangers until now.

He started school based nursery in January - much busier environment - and it is a nightmare. He won't tell them when he needs a poo and although most days he can hold on until he gets home on other days he goes in his pants. He happily goes out for a wee. I have asked him and them repeatedly what is happening. They are very nice but they just keep promising to remind him to go. I have asked him and he variously says the toilets are dirty (which they aren't) , that he can't lock the toilet door (but he can - I have checked and shown him how to do it).

I am planning to ask the school to maybe try incorporate how to ask to go out to the toilet into a lesson or something but I am stuck for other ideas. I have already tried role-playing me being the teacher and him asking to go to the toilet and him being the teacher and me asking to go. He just looks at me like I am mad.

I am trying to avoid bribes, threats ...Please I am getting desperate. It is okay at the moment. His school friends don't say anything but I am afraid that if this goes on they will tease him.

Bumpy maybe he's embarrassed about having a 'stranger' wiping him. perhaps you could help him by teaching him to do it on his own with wipes (they are so much easier for children to use).

tell the school what you're doing and give them the wipes or whatever.

Will try this.

I was also thinking about getting him his own toilet seat that he could keep in school and that he could use but... I'm not sure it would be a good idea as we are way past that stage at home and he uses the normal family toilets and even when we are with him in airports, shops etc. Also they have the chikd size toilets at school and I'm not sure one of those trainer seats would fit on a smaller toilet.

I don't want to make huge deal about something that he might just grow out of but I am starting to despair a bit

The seat thing is probably not an answer. I do remember as an infant and nursery teacher that locks on toilets are a bit of an issue.'cos the DC's sometimes lock themselves in deliberately or not!! then get stuck.

I know at home we didn't have them when our DC's were little.

Tthanks for this I did feel toilet seat was a bit of a bad idea. It might make even more of a thing of going to the toilet but I thought perhaps he does think the toilets at school are dirty and that was why he won't go.

No lock on toilet doors at home. The toilet doors in school are lockable but I know he can open them. I wish that was the problem at least it would mean he was going to the toilet The problem is he won't go in the toilet unless we are there. I think .