grandsons behaviour very challenging

[kaylasmum]

Hi, my almost 4 you grandson is living with me at the moment indefiantely due to his mum not being able to cope with him. She has bpd and has treated him terribly in the past, hitting, shouting and swearing at him. He is on the child protection register. He has been with us for 2 months now. When he was with my dd his behaviour was awful, he was very violent towards his mum and my 2 lo's aged 6 and 3. When he first came to us his behaviour did improve but over the last 3 weeks or so it has started to deteriorate again and i'm at a loss as how to handle him. I know that his behaviour is probably a result of what he has been through with my dd but i'm really struggling and its having an impact on my lo's.

He is extremely arguementative, disobedient,hyperactive and aggressive. We try to ignore some of the behaviours but my lo's find it difficult to do this as my gs gets right in their faces and continually winds them up. When he really starts to get out of hand we sit him on a chair and don't let him join n until he's calmed down. But this does'nt really seem to be working, he just laughs at us. Has anyone got any tips on handling him? I really want to be able to look after him for as long as it takes for my dd to get better.

I didn't want this to go unasnwered. If he is a 'looked after child' in SS terms, do you have a good social worker? I have no direct experience, but friends who adpoted went through courses, books, etc about different ways to deal with DC who have attachment issues - one example which I remember being that time-out doesn't work as it tends to reinforce feelings of exclusion. Sorry I can't help more - it sounds like you have your hands full.

How hard for you kaylasmum. And hard for your children and little gs.
My thinking is that because he is feeling safer with you, he's testing (not consciously, of course) whether you can bear him or not. He may fear you won't want him, as I imagine that is what he believes about his mum.
I think he needs lots and lots of love and cuddling and reassurance, even though his behaviour must be winding you up. It must be particularly difficult to manage when your own dcs are so young.
You do need some support as stealthsquiggle suggests. If SS are not directly involved, is there something like Homestart (?) that can offer you some help?

Hi my grandson who will be 4 next month has suddenly started with obsessive behaviour. The second he goes outside he has to pick things up stones, twigs,dandelions cigarette ends anything really and he's crying frantically to get them. He had also started hitting me and being really nasty with it. Has anyone else had anything like this please we are at our wits end

There is a fostering board, it maybe worth posting their for specialist advice.

ZOMBIE THREAD
@Tricia1753 you need to start your own thread as this one is 7 years old. People will only respond to the OP.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/fostering here is a link to the fostering board, perhaps that might be a place to start?