Please help me to like DDs friend!

[navelgazer]

I realise this is going to sound mean, I don't expect to like all of DD's friends but I feel really cold towards this particular friend. I have really tried to like her and see her good points, she's just a 6 year old after all.

DD (6) has a number of friends round, mostly I let them get on with it, DD has lots of fun. One of her friends is the daughter of a friend and we see her once a week. She is a quiet girl but that is not a problem for me -DD is shy, DH is shy, I am shy, I have lots of shy friends. In fact I prefer quiet, thoughtful people. DD and friend have a lot of fun - she tends to copy DD in everything (maybe because DD is a bit older). Now I have known her for about 4 years and as a toddler she used to kiss me hello goodbye, play with me etc but a few years ago she started to basically ignore me, she is also like this with DH too. She never smiles at us, she never says hello, she demands food in a rude way (I'm hungry!) or if asked if she wants anything says No!. She makes very little eye contact. If met from school she doesn't look at me but just holds her schoolbag out for me to carry without even looking at me.

She is a bright girl at school, no problems at all and has other friends and I don't think she has any particular problems. Her parents are nice people although her granny is very insular and uncommunicative.

I have tried to ignore my dislike for her, thinking that as she grows up I may like her more. I have always acted friendly and polite to her and have thought I might grow to like her more but I haven't!

You're an adult, it's not your job to like her as a person, save that for YOUR friends. It's your job to be unfailingly pleasant,(and maybe also gently encourage better manners, as you might be doing her a favour in the long run)

It is very difficult to like people of any age if they do not react warmly to us.

She may be a rude cow. It is possible.
And I don't want to throw outthe SN thing because I know it annoys people but you did ask for help liking her...

So whether she is or not why don't you imagine that in a few years time you will be told that this girl has just been diagnosed with aspergers syndrome. That she is socially cold and does not make eye contact because it is incredibly difficult for her.

As I say - quite likely not the case. but if it helps you view this childs behaviour in a way that does not feel like a snub to you, then it may make it easier for you.

If a friend is nice to my DD I tend to just be happy with that.

She sounds very shy to me. She got to a self-conscious age and began to be less confident around adults - I don't think that's unusual. Perhaps as she gets older she'll come out of herself, or will develop social skills which will cover up the shyness to some extent.

Maybe what bothers me is I would have expected a bit of a relationship with a friend's daughter after seeing her about once a week for the last 4 years.

But, as you say, i can definitely live with it - the bottom line is she is not horrendous to have around and DD is happy. I will detach myself from my expectations and just smile serenely, if distantly, next time she is around.

By the time she's 10 she'll probably never stop talking to you, as she'll have been around you so long.

Its ok not to warm to certain children. Don't feel guilty about it. She doesn't sound all that appealing, tbh!