Anyone have a 'sensitive' child?

[smallorange]

I never thought I would post this. I always scoffed at people who said it. But I have a sensitive child.

Dd2 is now 3 and reacts very strongly to all sorts of things. In response to a trivial injury - like a trapped finger, bumped head- she suffers anoxic seizures. Bad smells make her retch, loud noises upset her. Tonight her sister (5) had a tantrum after dinner and DD2 started retching with the stress of it all. She works herself up into hysteria at the smallest thing - her sister running ahead of her, her buttons not done up correctly, her trains in the wrong order, messy hands- and it takes ages to calm her down again. She loves nursery but does everything with such intensity and is shattered afterwards. She fell asleep as soon as she got home today. She is incredibly picky with food, will retch at unusal tastes and textures, abd was a nightmare to wean, although I've managed to get her to eat a reasonable diet now.
She is so unlike my other two. I worry about her more than the other two put together.

Sorry just venting, but does anyone else have experience of this?

This has come up before, although before my time so I only know about it from doing a search on here..

My DD is a little like this in some aspects and I've learned a lot from reading The Highly Sensitive Child. Have you tried it?

No i haven't heard of that book - is it worth getting? Frankly I've tried to jolly her out of it, dismiss it, deny it but I'm concerned because I've no idea how yo handle it - or even if I should worry about handling it.

If it helps, they do grow out of it - and you can stop cutting labels out, stop hunting the world for seamless toed socks and discover that they can just toss their shoes onto the rack without obsessively lining every shoe in the house up!

And I know it sounds like I'm being a twat but really, I'm not...

If she is quite a sensitive child she will thrive on routine and order-its just her personality and over time you will help find a coping strategy meanwhile all you can do is reassure her that its ok to feel stressed but to confront her stresses and look at them positively (not easy i know) I suspect the weaning may have been an issue because some children are reluctant to try new foods and indeed Robert Winston conducted a study about 'super tasters' these children have very sensitive taste buds and things like lemon juice could almost be like strong acid to them the flavours are so intense.

I dont know if a sensitive child ever grows out of it I think they learn to cope with it.

My own ds1 was and still is quite a sensitive child/adult.

Yes! The seam on the socks! I keep telling her to ignore it but she works herself into such a state sometimes.

She will grow out of it?

DS was awful when small.. The crying and upset if he had to wear something with buttons had to be seen to be belived. I dreaded having to put a secondary school uniform on him.

He is 18 now and is fine, although ultra fussy with clothes, but unable to explain why

Children have all sorts of quirks my ds1 will still only wear certain types of pyjama cannot sleep without a certain blanket and certain textures will really upset him,hes reluctant to eat new foods and will not eat with his fingers.

smallorange, you don't sound like a twat, at all.

DS1 is "highly sensitive" (God how I hate that phrase!)

He is now 11, and is a lot more easy going than he was,(no more drama about socks being "wrong", but still finds life more difficult than others.

Three are a lot of books on Amazon - you might want to look at "sensory processing".
My favourite (most useful book on the subject is) book is "Too loud to bright too fast too tight" by Sharon Heller

I also have 2 other DC's, and don't worry nearly as much about them.

My only advise is to be patient. Jollying, dismissing and denying her experiences won't help. Understanding, and helping her deal with the situations will.

Will look those up, thankyou. I thought it was just the terrible two's at first, but she just seems to be wired differently to the rest of her family.

My eldest is the same. Cranial osteopathy works brilliantly for her and gets her back in to normal range again. She does get bad again if she has a fall and knocks her head or face or after illness or anything else major but a treatment sorts her out again.

Really - definitely give it a go with someone exeperienced in treating children.

Sorry I never got back here yesterday, smallorange.

I found reading about it immensely helpful; suddenly somebody was describing my child! And that really helped me to see it in a different light and help her out.. We're getting on sooo much better now
Little things make a huge difference, like preparing her well for changes, new situations etc so that she doesn't get overwhelmed.
Please do the reading and let us know what you think!

Ds1 was very similar, and more-or-less grew out of it by about 6 or 7. Even now, though, at 9yo, he is cautious and a little anxious around loud noises, but he has learned to deal with situations he finds overwhelming.

I think the best thing is, as Nickschick says, rouitne and order. If they know what is coming next, they find life in general less stressful, and are better able to deal with any changes.

Alos not to stress yourself about their reactions. Acknowldge their feelings, and make it clear to them that you are there to help if they need. Eg, when we watched firework shows I used to stand behind ds1 with my hands on either side of his ears. Not covering them, but there if he needed me. Or I would hold his hand when we went past potentially noisy animals (peacocks really worried him).

Encourage her to face her fear or ansiety, but without any pressure to do so. Don't make a fuss, just accept that she's different.

Present solutions at non-stressful times. Eg messy hands (ds's first word was "icky!") find a calm time when you can do something icky, then wash hands together. The objective being to demonstrate getting dirty safely and that it doesn't have to be frightening that there is a way of dealing with it.

Oh, yes, and sleep. Their reactions exhaust them - as you have found out - and they need regular naps to be able to have the resources just to get trhough an ordinary day. Ds napped almost every day until he started school, and then weekends until half-way through Y1.

They can't ignore, they need help processing the overwhelming sensory information.

I've got one too. He's 8, not growing out of it but don't expect him to as has different brain to the rest. trying The Listening Program to help rewire his auditory processing. So far so good.

Yes, me too. DS1 is 9 now, and it is getting better. I wish I had worried less and accepted him more, but we have muddled through with his "funny little ways".

He is definitely a "supertaster", but I have systematically and gently exposed him to new foods and he eats pretty well now. Sensitive to loud noises (balloons are still a problem, but he's learned to cope well with fireworks).

Reacts very strongly to pain (which used to embarrass me).

OP - you don't sound precious ! As others advise (especially PrettyCandles) - just get as much info as you can, and try and accept for the wonderful unique person she is.

Socks don't worry him now, but there is only one type of trousers he will wear (lined ones from Next).

Thanks for book recommendations Lynette

DS2 is a sensitive child.

Reacts very strongly to pain, does not like messy hands, can be very emotional and anxious.

I was convinced for a while that he had a diagnosable neurological condition, but this has been discounted thoroughly.

I recently read 'The Highly Sensitive Child' and I thought 'Ahh, there's DS2'.

Poor thing

Must admit, I hate the term, though. Usually refer to them as his 'sensory issues'

Quick Question :

Does anyone know of an association between sensory issues and writing difficulties ?

My DS1 was incredibly tantrummy as a toddler - as many as 4 big ones a day, for no apparent reason (and not much I did seemed to help). I wasn't on MN then - I look back now and wonder how things would have been if I had known about this then

Yep, another one here. DS2 is "highly sensitive" (I hate that phrase too, as it makes him sound abnormal). He's nearly 3 now, and some things are easier than they were, but he still has an incredibly difficult time coping with other children that he doesn't know, or any situation that he hasn't confronted before really. But some aspects of life are getting better for him. He's at a lovely pre-school which is really helping his social skills and giving him confidence. I went through a phase where I thought there was something wrong with him as he's just seemed so highly strung compared to other children, but then I read HSC and it described DS2 to a tee - wow, the relief of knowing I wasn't alone! It taught me to accept him for who he is, which is a massive step with a HSC I think. But I do still get terribly embarrassed in certain situations when he completely over-reacts. Anyway, sorry to have rambled, but it's just so nice to find other people with similar children! Good luck with DD2.

"and you can stop cutting labels out, stop hunting the world for seamless toed socks"

...I thought it was just me. It is trying but DD1 (4.5) gets better every day and is thriving at school, loves the routine and clear expectations. I can recommend 'the highly sensitive child' too. Also a child psycologist friend mentioned that the popular 'Incredible Years' parenting program was being tweaked to cater to very semstive child on the basis of someting called the 'pacman' study. Haven't googled myself yet,but the OP reminded me to.