Toddler tantrums and my nerves!!

[Itsjustafleshwound]

My son is almost 3 years old and is a typical toddler boy - getting into everything and wanting everything! His language is okay, but he doesn't yet have the grasp of vocab to make himself fully understood and this leads to lots of frustration.

My problem is that I have been giving in for an easy life and trying to avoid tantrums. For example, I carried him through the mall this morning as he refused/threw a strop and would not wal next to me holding hands. I give him a dummy as a comfort, but he is really too old!

I am on my own with him for most of the day and it really tires me out (and I have a demanding and tired 5yo DD after school) and I don't want to make everything a battle of wills...

Any tips or advice??? He has an arranged activity out of the house almost every day for at least an hour and a half

You probably do not want to hear this but you are going to have to starting putting your foot down and sticking to your word. IME it is really important for children of this age to be set boundaries and even though his speech may not be fully developed, he will understand cause and effect. Giving in "for an easy life" actually makes your life alot harder in the long run!

It will only take your ds a couple of days to realise you mean business. Don't get me wrong, its going to be really tough and your patience will be tested to the limits but try to stay calm as far as possible and realise that this is a learning curve for him. Up until now he is used to getting his own way so he now has to learn that certain ways of behaving are acceptable and some are not.

When he refuses to do something you ask, let him have the strop- it's his way of expressing his frustration and lack of understanding. When the strop is over (and it will end) talk to him and explain why you want him to do the thing (ie "Mummy can't be lifting you now because you are a big boy. You can either walk or go into the buggy") I generally find giving them a choice helps because they feel like they are in control (even though you are!) You aregoing to have to put up with alot of strops but just keep repeating and whatever you do-don't give in! Keep explaining why behaviour is unacceptable-how else will he learn?

Feel like I've rambled on a bit and remember, I am only going by my own experience with my ds (2.5yo) so what works for me may not work for everyone! I hope it gets easier for you soon. xxx

warnings before something happens

Say 'last one' for the last biscuit/go on the slide/go on the hoover (AND MEAN IT)- they will cry the first few times, but it even works on my 19mth old. He doesn't strop as he knew it was coming. seriously try it.

FWIW I would carry my daughter (nearly 4) if she was upset/tired - though would tell her I needed some breaks cos my arms might fall off . Today I said 'I'll carry you (well, pull you on your scooter) til the shop and then you need to do it for a bit'. She was a bit but fine once we got to the shop.

Don't forget he understands a LOT more than he says.

And distraction is your friend. 'LOOOK!!!! a SPIDER!!!! did you SEE IT?!' in completely different tone works v well. Then when they are a bit calmer you can say 'now, let's get your shoes on/whatever'.

Oh another one for walking - 'can you do BIG steps? or tiny steps? or silly walks etc. Also sloooowly, sloooowly, fasterfasterfaster! Try to enjoy him and sweep him up in happy silliness.

(of course, my own 3 yr old had me screaming in the kitchen when she refused to put on her shoes today but always good to give advice, hey? )

Thanks for all your responses - unfortunately he is as stubborn as his dad so will have to think of some distractions and become selectively deaf to his shouting and blind to all the dirty looks I get from the old ladies ....

Some days (like yesterday) feel like months, but hopefully it will be just a distant memory ...