Shy 2 year-old and nursery. WWYD?

[BrightonMama]

Hi there, I have a 2 year old DS who is lovely and bubbly at home, but very shy/clingy when we go out, particularly at playgroups where he spends the whole time attached to my leg. He'll only play if I play with him, and this is at playgroups we've been going to for ages. He's also pretty timid amongst my NCT friends and he's known their DC all his life. His personality is the opposite of boisterous, so while they're all tearing up and down he'll be playing by my side (quite happily). He can be quite shy with close family members too, if he hasn't seen them for a while, although he does warm up eventually.

For the last few months, quite a few people, particularly my MIL, have been hinting that I should start sending him to nursery. They seem to think it will 'cure' his shyness and although it's never been said, I think they feel I'm somehow holding him back by keeping him at home (I'm probably just paranoid!)

So WWYD? Does anyone have any experience of sending a shy child to nursery? Will it be good for him - or could it set him up for a lifetime of hating school etc?

He's not at nursery at the moment as I'm freelance and can organise my work around nap/sleep times, but it would be easier if he DID go as I wouldn't have to work in the evenings.

My dd1 has always been like this. She is now 3 and isjust beginning to come out of her shell and join in but it has been a long process. She has been at nursery for 1/2 day a week since she was 1 but I don't think this has any effect. She is happy there and always has been but hads to be encouraged to join in. It is her personality and she needs to feel confident.
I think taking him to activities where there are smaller groups of children reguarly so he can get to know them is a good way to start. Model for him how to talk to other people.
I have seen children who are too confident and are a complete nightmare running off and stuff so there are advantages to having a shy child!

Thanks for responding. You're right, he is much better in smaller groups - busy playgroups are his idea of hell. That's why I've held off on nursery so far as I thought it would be too overwhelming for him - but then maybe I'm being too PFB about it?

I like the idea of modelling how to talk to other people though, and will try that today at playgroup. And you're right about the running off - that never happens!

My toddler daughter is sociable, but also quite clingy (I mean, she loves new people, but only if I am right there in physical contact with her). She goes to nursery twice a week because of our work commitments, and she does okay, but it's certainly not making her less clingy!

So, no, I wouldn't send yours just to "cure" him. He'll grow out of it eventually, but I think it'd just be too much of a culture shock for now, if you don't need to send him.

I wouldn't send him. He's still a baby. Honestly the day will come when it feels right. Try not to listen to mil and trust your own instincts, you're his mum, what you think is the most important.

You both sound lovely btw - would you like a playdate with a bouncy 2.5 yo?

I wouldn't send him. I actually took dd out of day nursery at 3 as she was coping less well as the group got bigger and more boistrous. She went to a Cm for the year leading up to reception. She has been much better at school, but stil isn't great with groups and always prefers to play one on one. That's just how she is and I think pulling her out of nursery was a help rather than a hindrance as she was able to get her confidence up with a small group and more attention from a familiar CM than a nursery worker.

I would send him, but that's based on my own experience of having a shy-ish (but not clingy) dd, who has blossomed socially since being in nursery since she was 2 (is now 3).

Plus I'm with you on the working in evenings thing (and children don't have naps forever - mine had given up day time naps well before 2)
Maybe as she's an only child I thought it was doubly important to get her mixing with lots of children.
But I'm a gregarious type and do think sociability, having friends etc is very important. Confident needn't mean boisterous.

why not try a childminder instead of a nursery for one day a week, or a couple of half days,
this way they will be in a small group of children, and in a more familiar (home style) environment

This worked really well for my DS

Thanks all for your lovely responses. I think I will trust my instincts on this one and leave nursery for time being. I may try a childminder as a home environment without too much going on would definitely suit him better (although MIL may not be happy!).

Baskingseals - I'd love a playdate, but just to warn you a bouncy 2.5 year old may send my DS running for the hills!

I sent DD who was the same as your DS to pre-school when she was just over 2 for 3 mornings. I think half a day would be better and 3 mornings settles them better. She loves pre-school - she gets bored with random playing with NCT and toddler groups and likes the focused activities her pre-school offers.

I avoid CMs just because round here toddlers seem to spend most of their time sitting in the buggy doing at least 6 nursery/pre-school pick ups a day.

BrightonMama - may I ask what you did in the end/what yuo do now and any suggestions you'd have? I am in a similar situation as you were in last year. Lovely 2.4 year old son who is happy in himself,but very close to me and hugely shy of other children when we're out or have people over. A few little ones he's known well and who are calm he'll be ok with, unless they make a sudden move then he's legging it back to me. I'm not under too much pressure, just my own worry about if keeping him with me (although we go to groups with toddlers 4days a week) is keeping him too close to me and he might miss some developmental window about how to socialise. but then i worry putting him into some childcare environemtn, whilst it might be the best thing for him, it might utterly terrify him even more than he already suffers with?!

all thoughts appreciated from anyone who's gone through a similar thing...

Hi- my ds is 2.3 and is also quite clingy especially in toddler grpups, but has taken well to a small pre-school type nursery which is more structured and has a good bond with the nursery workers. He is much better with me out of the way though, when I tried to help at a party he got all clingy again. Maybe it is a good idea to look at what's close to you and try soething then just see how they get on? I too have heard very mxed things about childminders, some just seem to get on with their lives, pickups etc others sound amazing like a mini nursery...