Ceasing to exist

[ElenorRigby]

I realised today I have become a non person.
I never put myself first not even to buy a packet of socks to replace really worn out ones.I dont look after health but do fear getting ill, in case I am not able look after my family. Every one of my loved ones needs are more important than mine.
My loved ones are DP, DSD and DD.
I am overweight and scruffy. I have no friends I see regularly, I last saw my best friend months ago. I have a Christmas pressie for her and her husband that have been unable to give her because life's so hectic.
The people I confide in are my work colleagues, I feel sorry for moaning to them about my life. A long standing colleague/friend has told me its obvious to him that the stresses are having a serious effect on myself and my work. I feel terrible about that and want to do better.
Thing is life seems to come at me/us so thick and fast I feel I am just hanging on unable to get better, find time to exercise, have money left over to buy socks for me.
Oddly I dont feel depressed. Stressed yes, but thankfully the pills are helping with that

what would you like to be different?
I don't know how old your children are, but this will pass as your children get older.
Make a list of some things you'd like to do (inlcuding buying yourself a fab new pair of socks, if that would make you smile) and see if you can do one or two of them...

Can your DP help at all?

Have you sat your DP down and told him how you feel? It's important that he's in on this.

btw I'm in a very similar place to you at the moment (right down to the see-through socks), although I have now started to do something about it.

Thanks for your replies
Ellie DSD is 7, DD is 2.5.
Nope I have not asked for DP for help, I am stubborn, I convince myself I can sort this, despite the toll...
WineBeforePearls, love your name and so glad your starting to "to do something about it."
I hope to follow your lead

lol EllieMental love your name too!

May I suggest that talking to dp about how stretched you are feeling is healthy and normal? You are a couple in a partnership - not slave labour.
Even an hour on a weekend for you to do something by yourself will recharge you a little. Stubborness is one thing, but at the risk of sounding harsh, you are in danger of martyring yourself...
And you need to start looking after yourself or you WILL get ill.
Good luck.

Just found something that really upset me...DP has made the effort to have a card specially made for DSD's mother for mothers day. The card is gushing about how great a mother DSD's mum is love and rows and rows of kisses. Normal you might say except...
DSD's mother neglects DSD. There are many posts here about my struggles to help DSD and the neglect she has and continues to go through. DSD's mum has always and will probably always put herself first. Yet DP finds the time and money to promote her as being a wonderful mum. I get nothing of the sort of course. Despite all my efforts for DSD I will in the probably in the end be despised by her. I just wonder why I am bothering. All this and everyhting else is destroying me and for what?

on the plus side my 2 1/2 DD just said "you my best friend, I lobe you"
Well timed baby...

OK - it sounds like you need to sit down with DP and explain some of this to him. There's nothing unusual in a mother being the one who thinks of herself last - we're programmed to focus on the children's needs to make sure we do the best we can for them. But if your DP makes you feel unvalued, then he needs a wake-up call. Chances are, he thinks you're doing ok, because you haven't said you aren't. We always want them to pick up on the fact that when we say "Fine" we mean "Not fine. Notice it goddamit!"

Looking after your health is important - for your own sake but also for your family. What do you think you need that you aren't getting. Write a list, and prioritise your own needs sometimes - everyone will be better off if you do!

I agree with AMumInScotland, I'd like to add that if you make sure you eat a healthy diet and maybe go for a walk each day if you can find the time you might find your mind settles and your present issues easier to handle, especially that impotant chat you need to have with DP...