So, what ARE you supposed to do when they have a very public tantrum?

[JamesAndTheGiantBanana]

My ds has only really just started having tantrums at 2.7, so I'm not sure how to deal with them. At home I normally just ignore them,but more often than not he does them in shops, playgroups etc

Todays was because he wanted to march about playing a drum while all the other children sat cross legged and listened to a story/song. I removed the drum, he screamed the place down, I ignored him but it continued, tried distracting him, he kept on crying, then eventually decided to take him out of the room and he went hysterical, tried to bite me etc

We had a few mins outside, he seemed calm so we went back in and he resumed screaming so no-one could hear the singing lady. I ended up just carrying him straight out of playgroup (still crying) and he whinged all the way home. Still whinging actually!

What should I be doing?

tbh, with DS I give him his options:

1. forced into pushchair
2. walk and hold hand.

He's good., but i'm uber consistent/ I'm like supernanny.
DS is hard.

My DS is starting to get better now with tantrums but he still flies off every now and again (he is 3yrs 8 months) At home this doesn't bother me I usually ignore him, but latest time was a nightmare we were at our playgroup and he was playing nicely when he decidee to play being daddy.

This involved him taking all his clothes (except pants thankgod)off and going to bed in the dolls bed. i saw this and went over to him and explained that at home he may take his clothes off but not here. I suggested he pretend his clothes were pajamas. I then let him know it was also nearly hometime.

He refused to get dressed I tried walking away and seeing if he would do it then but he just carried on playing, so I went back told him again to get dressed, he refused again so I took him to the hall and told him he had to get dressed and that i would wait for him.

All this whilst keeping an eye on DD aged 1 He took about 25 minutes before he did as he was told screaming half the time that he did not want to go home and just sitting there the rest of the time.

Taking him out as he was was not an option as it is was -14 out that day (we live in sweden)

Hi JamesATGB nice to see you away from our ante-natal thread!

It sounds like you're handling it well with removing your DS from the room, and like the other advice given as well. I know it's not easy, especially if your boy is big and strong and your bump is big and vulnerable!

My DS (2.9) has recently started with the public tantrums as well. I put it down to his age and the impending arrival of DS2. The biting is something that really gets me angry, too. I try to pull away and firmly say that "biting is not allowed. It hurts people and spreads germs. We only bite food." DS seems to understand that I mean business when I say this. Sometimes after that as a distraction (if I can keep my head!), we start naming the foods we like to bite.

I use the "tired" routine. Any sign of a tantrum is met with, "Oh darling, you must be very tired to be behaving like this. Mummy will just put you to bed so you can have a nap." I've done it at 8am.

I am literally going to print this thread out and read it nightly to keep myself sane. My DS 2.4 has tantrums at practically everything we go to - playgroup, park, indoor playcentre, it is so miserable having to deal with it I have almost stopped taking him anywhere. He has started to do it when I collect him from nursery and to preserve my energy and sanity at the end of a day at work I have started giving a chocolate button if he leaves and puts his coat on nicely, and one if he gets into his car seat nicely. This was after up to 45mins of tantrum during pickup. Please don't tell me that the 3-year-old ones are worse, I can't bear it, aaargh! Nice to know I'm not alone though

James I agree with what you did, and would do something similar. I would remove my son from the group if he did something that I considered anti-social and explain why I disagreed in simple terms 'nobody could hear the singing' or something. I also tended to remind my DS that he wouldn't have liked if somebody from the class came and banged a drum when he was watching his favourite TV programme or something. Not sure how much of that goes in when they are 2, but worth trying to create a bit of empathy on his part.
It does sound as if he loves the class, is there any other instrument he could have and still participate. Sitting in the middle isn't really a big deal unless he is supposed to take turns.
If you are finding the group stressful perhaps it's time to have a break and find something else he might like. Now the weather is improving there might be a few more things for him to do outside so that he can burn off some of that energy.
I do think you sound very positive and are taking a nice calm approach which is bound to pay-off eventually.

Ignore, shout a lot and threaten all kinds of withdrawal of things. Works for me.

Genuinely at this age we upped the amount of choices etc he could make. It's a developmental period when they get really, really frustrated at all the things you start expecting them to do when they don't want to do it. So we did lots of do you want the red or the green trousers, bath/teeth cleaning now or when the big hand hits the 8, the 9 etc. Also things like would you like carrots or cucumber, up the stairs to bath as a diggerr or a tiger. Basically give them as many chances to exert their desires as possible, and give them choices where you set the parameters, so for you it's a win win. The deal is they eat/go wherever, you give them a chnce to decide how. My DS hated classes and still does at nearly 5, could be easier to let him just do what he wants at a class so he starts to enjoy it or just abandon them if you find it hard that he doesn't want to join in and conform. DS was like that for a long time, at parties he wouldn't join in games etc, now he won't join in for first five/ten mins and then goes for it.

Good book, How to Talk so Kids will listen and listen so kids will talk. Tons of advice for handlng stuff. useful even at 2 ish and a good re-read as they grow up. I go back to it every six months or so or whenever there's a problem.

When ds1 went through this stage, I had a number of times where I left him screaming on the floor whilst I just walked away. I always kept him within sight, so I knew he was safe, but walked off far enough that he really thought I might actually leave him there. It worked every time and without fail he would come running after me. (Albeit to sometimes resume his tantrum once he'd caught up - it was a kind of "don't you ignore me I was screaming at you" kind of stance from him).

However, I found that not giving the tantrum any attention always worked best. That said, ds2 (who is just starting that stage now) has perfected the art of throwing up if he doesn't get his way, which is a much more effective approach to ensuring we don't just ignore him.

Just remember though that the majority of 1.5-3 year olds will have a stage like this, so the parents staring at you now with their angelically behaved children are quite likely to find at some point they are in exactly the same position. They won't be feeling so smug then!

Do you mean me or the UCO?

There is no one thing you can do to stop the tantrums. Finding an off switch is not an option.

You just have to deal with them and it sound like you are.

I am glad I read this, I was starting to get a bit paranoid about ds (2.3yo) as he refuses to take part in any of the group singalong activities at the stay and play groups we go to!
He just wants to play with the toys! At the stay and plays I take him to they tidy all the toys away at the end and then do a group singalong but he tries to get all the toys out and will not sit with me and everyone else so I end up taking him out as it is not fair on the other children (who are all being good and taking part).

I was really getting worried that there was something wrong!

I think he is getting a little better, there is another group we attemd that intersperses group activities with free play, and he will join in some of the group activities, but most of the time he wants to be off doing his own thing! I guess he is just very very independent!!

I feel absolutely useless as dealing with his tantrums as sometimes I end up losing my temper and shouting at him which 99% of the time he thinks is funny .

I think I need to get that book!

I also found 3 worse for tantrums.