When to let them go out...?

[LongStory]

The weather was lovely today - I was stuck in with the baby twins but wanted my 9yo to get outside exploring on his bike. We live in the country, the roads around the house are fairly safe and know most of the people down our road. Now said 9yo preferred the laptop but said he'd go if his 5yo brother went with him. 5yo hadn't been out alone before, and 9yo has some behavioural issues (suspected aspergers). But I was feeling brave.

I said only one on the bike (to keep them slow), suggested they went down the hill for an explore and not to cross the road. I didn't keep an eye on the time but it must have been 30/40 mins later, I buggied up the twins and headed off in that direction with 8yo daughter looking for them. Found them happy as anything, well bonded, 5yo on the bike and 9yo pushing him back up the hill. Did all nostalgic sighing about the brilliant adventures I had at their age, then realised that this sort of thing simply isn't done these days. And if something had gone wrong I guess I would have a lot of difficult questions to answer.

Am I too laissez faire, or letting them grow up? Honestly, would you / wouldn't you do this, and why?

[Need to put babies to bed now but will be back soon.]

Not in this country, not without parent!

Reasons? And when, in your opinion, would it be ok? I would have preferred a parent to be there, but with DH working weekends and me simply not able to get out at that time, it seemed better for their development to go than to stay at home staring at a screen.

Yes, I would have let them do this with some basic ground rules: Come back in X hours, don't go further than Y, and I'd make sure they knew what to do in an emergency.

They went out, had a great time, and showed you that they were responsible. You should be proud that you've brought them up to be independent and sensible.

My DC1 has recently turned 8 and we have just let him play out the front in the cul-de-sac on his own. If the museum is closed (building in front of us) then he can go into the car park on his scooter. I give him my mobile to take with him and I ring him regularly to check on him and if he has problems then he can ring me. He knows how to dial 999 and in which circumstances to do so.

Meant to say I would not let him out on his own with my 4 yo or 2 yo. I usually go out with them and sit and watch them.

I think what you did was fine
9 yr olds walk to school on their own where I live
and the best thing is they proved to be trustworthy so you'll have a nice long summer of letting them exercise their independence
you can always ask another 9 yr old friend to make you feel evenmore safe

I'd have let the nine year old go but not the five year old. But i can't actually see the RL situation, so that's just a guess really.

Thank you AgentProvocateur, this may be the first time my children have showed they were sensible! Just thinking about the 'not in this country' ... I spent five teenage years in one of the most dangerous towns of the world, and hated being confined and chaperoned all the time. I refuse to accept that most people here can't be trusted, although I have always taught the children to be wise to the main danger - cars.

It's lovely to hear that 9yos still walk to school, and other examples of letting go. I'm still not sure about my 5yo, but I wouldn't have let him go out with his older brother when he was any younger - today was marginal and a first. I thought about the mobile, but really don't want to go down that road (ha ha) yet. I guess mainly I'm grateful that I live in an area where this is possible in relative safety. Many thanks for your comments.

I just quickly red your thread then the answer from Ryma (2 yr old and 12 week old - shouldn't be on MN)!!

I just think it's the most normal thing in the world for children.

I have put alot of thought into this....try and imagine our childhoods......then imagine you never went out to play any further than your own garden ....not a childhood is it.

I think your kids are lucky. The place you live in sounds perfect and well done you for giving them the opportunity to do NORMAL childhood things instead of glued to a screen all day.

No where in the world is completeley safe but you sound like you have a nice place for kids to grow up in. Kids need fresh air, and space to grow and learn. Childhoods now are totally un-natural.

I am a towny through and through but we have bought a piece of land out in the sticks and are building at the mo. Im shitting myself TBH as I love living in the city but im doing it so my kids can do exactly as your boys did.

Like you I will pace the floor and ask MN if it's ok though!!

readf not red

I give up

[giggling]...I think typos are allowed with two very little ones and a building project! I think Ryma expressed our irrational cultural norm, which is to avoid rare serious risks - but at a very high cost. My friend lived in the States for a while and said the norm for 'play' was 1:1 adult child ratio supervising - scares me senseless.

I knew all this and don't accept the norm, but you are quite right it 'felt' v weird to let them go out together and what does the need to seek validation here say?!