Unpopular mum - unpopular child?

[Ryma]

What is your thoughts on that subject?

Don't think it necessarily follows through. I have lots of friends and so does DS, however, his social communication skills are poor so he struggles at times because he doesn't understand the non verbal cues which other children do..... this can make him unpopular at times.

I was always a loner at school and never one of the in crowd. My DD1 on the other hand has always been popular. Now at 24 she still has tons of friends.

Not sure about the DSs..

I think if a Mum struggles to make conversation at the school gate her child might not be invited back very often to other peoples houses

no disagree with cyb.
the children make their own friends. parents shouldnt matter., particularly when they are older when parents have limited involvement.

if mum is not particularly friendly, or is shy and finds it hard to make friends, that characteristic might feature in her dc.
oth it might not...

Mum being unpopular doesn't seem to impact much on friendship dynamics within school.
Playdates are another matter.

No one at school likes me and my son isn't invited to parties anymore. I am not bothered as I think if people want to make snap judgements then they are no worth knowing but I am sad for ds.

I am not the gregarious type but dd talks to everyone all he time

Depends on reason for unpopular.
DD has friend with schools most unpopular mum.
Outcome Friend invited but not extended to parent.

Not sure what all the 'unpopular mum at school' thing is about?

Is there a ranking system then

notnowbernard - you must have come across 1 or 2???
The one in DDs year is the one who has nothing nice to say about any of the children except her own!
Would never congratulate a winner - instead has been heard loudly commenting on how the child is rubbish in xyz.
Only invites children who are doing academically better than her own home for playdates to find something to slag them off about!
The 2nd unpopular mum is the one who is always "too busy" to take her turn for pick ups/drop offs/late calls requesting to collect her child from school/never returns playdates or will schedule one and then ask if the children can come to yours as an "emergency" has come up!

It depends on whether the mother is unpopular because she's not much of a social type but is still approachable or if she's quite difficult to approach and unfriendly

We have both types at playschool/school and the formers kids get as many playdates as anyone else but the mothers who are impossible to approach and/or actively unfriendly generally don't get many invitations for their kids.... although often the kids have a similar personality to the mothers and the other children find them quite difficult to get on with anyway.

early years yes

later years no

so through primary possible

into secondary you have nothing to do with it at all

no. i didn't do school gate stuf just dropped em and fucked off. ut still they were invited to lots of things.

when they are older it matters not

in early years then clearly the number of playdates will be affected by whether you actually dare approach the adult in charge

in later years, the consensus is that all parents are embarrassing and one's own parents are always going to be the most embarrassing ones of the lot, so worrying about the social skills of corydcs' mother is going to be pretty low on the list of anybody's priorities apart from corydcs'

If by "unpopular" you actually mean a not-very-nice person who talks about other children in a negative way or who is very rude or unpleasant to people generally, then I'm sure that would impact on how other parents view that child as a potential friend for their own child, but that would only be because as a parent I for one wouldn't want to have to make smalltalk with someone who wasn't very nice but it would only affect how popular the child was with his/her own peers if that child has inherited his/her parent's behaviour!
Children make their own choices with friends and if it's just that a parent doesn't get involved much with the others then I can't see how it would affect the child's standing among classmates.

I'm not that keen on one of the mums who only ever speaks to the rest of us when she has gossip to tell or wants to find out some gossip about someone and yet her son seems very sweet and is certainly not unpopular.

I think it's true. I take you're talking about the mother's current popularity, not popularity as a child.

It doesn't always obtain, but yes, I think playdates are more likely if the mum is popular.

Not inside school though: and if your child is particularly popular and achieving, attractive even, it won't make a difference.

The stupid thing is, you can increase your "desirability" by being snotty with people. It's so boring.

OMG prehaps these mums need to back to work.

I'm glad my son goes to after school club. He gets some invites and certainly aint billy no mates. His social life did improve when I took maternity leave.

Oh yes I love it when I go to parties and no one has a clue who I am
that's cos I work full time and am never at the schgates

Me too compo. Hilarious! I went to 'International Evening' on Thursday and was greeted with some most peculiar stares from mums and DDs friends saying 'Is THAT your MUM?!!'
Didn't know whether to laugh or cry!

what if you find no one that interesting lol
ive been to mother baby groups and nct, and tbh, yes its nice to socialise every now but every one i go to its all the same thing/subjects etc, all lovely people pretty much.
we've never been to a playdate, as i feel uncomfortable being in a relatively strangers house, and most of them are the childrens nannies!
although DS is only 2, so i doubt it matters much at this age. we go to soft play and activity centres, but i love playing with him so he rarely plays much with others.
i had lots of siblings, and was the eldest so value my time with DS very much, perhaps when hes a bit older il have to bite the bullet but for now we don't really care.

THK - to answer your Q "Surely you have met 1 or 2" (unpopular Mums)

I'm not sure I could identify who is an 'unpopular' person at the school gate/playground

There are people I talk to a lot, people I make pleasantries with, people I non-verbally acknowledge and people I have not ever really spoken to

Have never thought about it in terms of popularity. Just who I seem to click with

Would hate to think that someone was considered 'unpopular' and therefore not really socialised with

We are fairly new to the area we live in and I work part time so am not at the gate every day. DD is at preschool/nursery and has really palled up with one little girl which is lovely but she doesn't mix a lot as a result. I try my best but she has only been asked to one birthday party this year. I try my best and know plenty of people to say hello to but don't click easily with new people and find it harder to take to next stage. So possibly, in early years, there is an element of truth to OP's hypothesis. In my experience anyway .