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Original poster

Too many "I love yous"??????

57 replies

becaroo · 05/03/2010 17:39

My ds1 who is 6 has always been (I am happy to say) a very affectionate, cuddly little boy.

My mum was over at my house for most of the day one day last week and after ds1 has told me (for about the 6th time that day) that he loved me and I told him I loved him back she told me that he tells me too often and its not normal!!!

Now, I realise that my mother is mad as a box of frogs but it got me wondering....Can you ever tell a child you love them too often??? Do other children say "I love you" as often as ds1?

I will happily listen to him tell me all day and will tell him I love him 20 times a day if the mood takes me!!!!!

Of course I am a child of the 1970s and I cannot remember my parents ever telling me they loved me - they showed it in many ways of course - but they have never said it and I dont suppose they ever will. Is that the difference? Is it a generational thing?

Would be interested to hear some of your views!
Thanks x

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TidyBush · 05/03/2010 21:18

Lot's of hugs, kisses and I love yous in this house every day (me, DH and DDs 15 & 12 yo)

BUT - no public displays of affection anywhere where we could be seen by 'ccol' people (i.e. other teens)

As long as it's heartfelt you can never say I love you too many times.

CarmenSanDiego · 05/03/2010 22:22

Definitely right it's a British thing.

I tell my kids I love them all the time but I only tell friends I love them when alcohol is involved

My American ILs though say it ALL the time and do lip-kissing with my DH which I find very odd.

I'm sure they think I'm horrendously stand-offish. They say, "Love you" on the phone and I really struggle to say it back so I just say "Oh er.. yes. Bye."

Just a cultural thing

Boys2mam · 05/03/2010 23:49

My parents rarely said they loved us (I am oldest of 4) yet there was no question of their sentiment.

I tell my DS's I love them every single day

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j0807bump · 05/03/2010 23:58

i dont think my pnts have ever said it but i know they do.

last thing me and DH say to DS every night/parting and in general conv.

generation thing

Mumcentreplus · 06/03/2010 00:03

I say it all the time...when i feel it I say it!..and I embrace and return the gesture..

tis lovely..in my family we rarely said I love you...but my DH is of African decent and they say it to each other regularly between all siblings and parents family and friends...
and I say it too between friends ..its about how you feel and expressing it!

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 06/03/2010 00:12

I was born in the 70's and my parents told me they loved me all the time. They still do, and I do them.
Actually DH's family say it all the time as well, although they are not so big on hugs as my family.

I tell DS 19mo I love him about 100 times a day, tell him he is beautiful, clever and all sorts of other things all day long.
He is a lovely cuddly little chap and launches himself at me shouting 'cuddle, cuddle Mummy'.

toomuchmonthatendofthemoney · 06/03/2010 00:15

what a lovely thread. i tell ds (3.9) several times a day that i love him, he doesn't always say it back but he usually gives me a cuddle back which is great too!

When i leave for work 2 evenings a week he likes to stand at the top of the stairs and shout "love you bye bye" till he hears me start the car engine outside! tis great to leave the house hearing that, makes me smile every time.

there is NO "normal" level, its what suits everyone. yer mum maybe regrets not being more vocal with you in childhood. ah well, maybe she needs a cuddle too!

MrsTicklemouse · 06/03/2010 00:15

same here, we say it lots, sometimes accompanied by the odd DS="i hate you", Me="i love you", DS="i love you too mummy"

MrsTicklemouse · 06/03/2010 00:19

not wanting to hijack, but writing that made me realise i spend all day telling the boys i love them and i cant remember the last time i told DH i loved him

.... im going right now to wake him up and say i love you, what do you think the response will be!!

Joolyjoolyjoo · 06/03/2010 00:23

I do it all the time! I also tend to end every phone call to my dad/ DH by saying "love you, bye," too- which resulted in my butcher being very confused this morning, ahem

Purplebuns · 06/03/2010 00:24

"I love you to"

tis the weekend!

Goblinchild · 06/03/2010 07:49

I do hugs, kisses and telling them they are clever and lovely and wonderful on a daily basis.
DD will return same anytime, any place anywhere. DS will hug bigtime but it has to be in the home, or a mountaintop with no one around.
They are 19 and 15.

liath · 06/03/2010 08:01

My British 1970s childhood was full of affection & "I love yous", and I think my mum was very conscious of not parenting like my Granny.

I remember when dd was 18 months old or so I was over at Granny's house and I said to dd "ooh, you're beautiful girl" or something similar. Granny said "You'll have to stop saying that sort of thing now because she's old enough to start to understand and you'll spoil her" WTF. No wonder my poor mum has self esteem problems.

Original poster
becaroo · 06/03/2010 09:35

Wow, so many lovely responses

I am glad I am not the only mother "spoiling" her children!!!!

I know my parents love me....god knows they showed me they did in what they have done for me over the years but sometimes it would have been nice to have the kid of mother who hugged and kissed and told me I was pretty (I wasnt of course....I have a face like a bag of spanners and have worn glasses since I was 4, but mothers arent supposed to care are they!!!!????)

I honestly cannot remember my mum ever hugging me as a child. Ever. She did have me and my siblings very close together so maybe she was just busy!!!!???

Perhaps thats why she thinks I go overboard with my dc? then again, as someone else mentioned above, she is very affctionate with the my boys.....hmm....

OP posts:
Cobweb95 · 06/03/2010 12:01

Agree with all of the above!

Slight tangent but in relation to the British/American thing - I have quite a few American friends and I was recently telling them about my FIL's 60th Birthday party where someone (non-British - ha!) suggested we all go around the room and tell FIL something we really liked about him. All the Brits immediately looked uncomfortable and went stright to hide behind the humourous comments like "Oh I couldn't possibly think of anything nice to say about him!" My American friends were properly shocked at this!

liath · 06/03/2010 13:30

Mt dad told me a sad story about his mum (who in fairness he always got on very well with) - he could only remember being cuddled by her once as a boy and it was when he was quite ill. When he got better he tried to climb up on to her lap for a hug and she pushed him off, saying "No, you don't get any more of that - you're better now". He cried about it to me - a man of over 60 .

radstar · 06/03/2010 14:54

Liath - that's sad it made me want to cry too!

Glad other people have similar experiences to me, after having ds my mum would often ring saying what are you doing and when I replied that I was cuddling ds she always said "oh I never remember just sitting and cuddling you" she went on about it so much tha I was starting to get a complex about it. But I was a child born in the seventies too so maybe that has something to do with it. It's sad but I have few memories of my mum actually playing with us, there was always something else to be done, cooking cleaning etc

I know one thing I and dh will be cuddling so loads and when he speaks I hope he tells me he loves me all day too. oh the house can go to pot as I would rather play all day with him too!!

Klaw · 06/03/2010 15:03

no such thing as too many "I love you"s or cuddles or kisses or "you're beautiful, clever" etc....

My son (now 16) and I used to say it endlessly

I love you
I love you too
I love you 3
I love you 4
....ad nauseam LOL

We don't do it anymore now he's a teen but children need to feel loved and secure. He used to tell me in front of his friends [Smug]

We tell dd (4) all the time how wonderful she is!

ineedahero · 06/03/2010 19:17

LOVE this thread, makes me feel all warm inside! My DD is only 6 weeks, but I tell her all the time already. I also spend lots of time cooing at her, saying 'kisses for DD' and kissing her all over her little face, and she grins at me.

I hope she grows to be a loving little girl and I will continue to tell her I love her about a million times a day. My parents never told me (80s child) and I never felt like I really was loved, it caused me all sorts of issues when I became a teenager. I hope to never make that mistake with my DC, as I think feeling loved and secure is paramount to a healthy child.

It can't be said too much, IMO.

Portofino · 06/03/2010 19:25

I was never told this as a child very much. Occasionally my dad says "Love you babe" at the end of a phone call. I am 41 and it makes me feel a bit uncomfortable - though I appreciate the sentiment!

I tell dd all the time. And cuddle her lots. And tell her how gorgeous she is. She is a lot more confident and self assured than I ever was (and am now) I wonder why.....

SugarMousePink · 06/03/2010 20:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PrincessBoo · 07/03/2010 23:17

I was born in the 70's. My Mum told me she loved me all the time - still does.

I do it with DS. And I tell my friends I love them as well. I'm an affectionate sort, me

LittlePushka · 07/03/2010 23:41

Becaroo , I agree with Portofino - I rarely heard it from my parents (though clearly they did) but what it meant was that when I wanted to really tell my Dad I loved him, when he was very ill and close to dying, it made it difficult and somehow just too late. (Hearing Annie Lennox "No more I love You's" makes me sob SO...you tell your Mum that there will be a time when there are no more,..but rejoice that now it not it!!

darksideofthemooncup · 07/03/2010 23:55

I don't think you can ever say I love you too much to a child. I am a child of the seventies and don't remember hearing it from my parents, in fact my dad has NEVER said it to me but I know that he does. I made a concious decision a few years ago to always say it to my parents and DP when I said goodbye to them but I tell my dd I love her countless times everyday and will continue to do so.

hellymelly · 08/03/2010 00:02

I said "love you" when saying goodbye to a bank person in the midst of extreme sleep deprivation.but I do say it to my daughters several times a day.The other night after a monster tantrum and me shouting after 45 minutes of it my dd looked up from bf and said "I love you even when you shout"
I told my Grandma-in-law that I loved her and she looked completely and absolutely shocked and said nothing.At the time I worried that i had somehow offended her (she was in her nineties and extremely upper class) but later I wondered how long it had been since anyone had said that to her.