12 yr old DS1 has got himself a FB page when i told him no (This is the 2nd time! grr)

[Tortoise]

I have told DS1 age 12 (13 next month) that i do not want him to have FB. About 2 yrs ago i found out he and DS2 had both signed up to FB while at their Dads. I made them both delete their accounts that time.

Yesterday i found out that he got his friend to sign him up to FB again by saying 'Can you make me a FB account because my mum won't let me have it'.

Now i don't know what to do about it.

I still think he is too young for FB. I have FB so i have seen some of the things that get sent and apps that can be added and they are not suitable for a 12/13 yr old. He has MSN so if he wants to chat with friends he can do it on there.

WWYD? Am i being a mean Mum to not let him have it?

I don't have a child of that age, so not really qualified to comment on it. However, I've noticed several Y6 girls from my DC's school now have it and (most worrying of all), one Y1 girl, and I agree that they're too young.

A lot of the content is of a more adult nature and I wouldn't be comfortable with my child being on it.

Tortoise- mine did exactly the same...(he was 11 at the time- he set up an account at his friends house- first time round)

I ended his first account due to swearing on it...now I have access to his account and check it regularly. I have also taken friends off his list. I am a 'friend' too so can monitor in different ways- he also has family members as 'friends'.

I understand your concerns totally- but it is SOO hard when all his friends and even younger children are on it too- you are supposed to be 14 I think. I know a girl in yr5, who was in yr4 when she had an account.

My 6 year old is in yr1!- no way.

I don't really want him looking at my FB stuff so not keen to add as a friend. Plus he has done it without my consent so that needs to be addressed too.
So unsure what to do. I don't want to single him out from friends but i can't be the only one not to want my DC on FB.

bump

Disclaimer: I'm not actually a parent yet!

I think you will find it very hard to stop your DS having an FB page. Maybe it would be useful for you to sit down with him and help him set it up? Make sure all his privacy settings etc are set properly. As you already have a FB account, maybe you could show him what some of the good apps are.

I think it is important that your DS doesn't think he need to hide stuff from you otherwise you really can't monitor what he is doing.

I would also guess that as a 13YO boy he already has a lot of totally inappropriate chat with his mates in RL! .

FWIW I don't think Facebook is anyworse than MSN (maybe better), and I think its probably better than BEBO.

But he did it when you'd said no. Tbh, I'd have to take access to computers in the house away completely, while I decided what to do. He's shown you can't trust him. I've got a 12 year old too, btw.

Itsallgoingtobefine - Looks like privacy settings have been done properly as i can't see anything on his account other than friends list. Trouble is his friends could send inappropriate apps etc. I can't stop that.

Post - He doesn't get any unsupervised PC access at home. But he goes on at his Dads friday night and Saturdaywhen i have no idea what he is doing and his dad probably doesn't either!).
He doesn't know that i know about FB yet. I wanted to have a think about what to do about it (and ask MNers what they thought! )

I thought Facebook had a lower age limit. All you have to do is report it to FB and remind them of their responsibility.

Their wording is: "No information from children under age 13. If you are under age 13, please do not attempt to register for Facebook or provide any personal information about yourself to us. If we learn that we have collected personal information from a child under age 13, we will delete that information as quickly as possible. If you believe that we might have any information from a child under age 13, please contact us through this help page."

I know that's not much help when your DS is just about to turn 13 (FWIW, I think that's too young).

Could you search MN for some FB horror threads, and print them off for them?

How old are kids before they learn the attraction of "playing hard to get" (meaning FB is uncool)? I really want to know!

Personally? I would let him know that you know. Come up with an appropriate punishment for lying and going behind your back but then compromise. Let him have a FB account, but with you having total access (ie, you know his password) If you had control, and could stop him going on I'd agree that he needs to lose the account and be banned, but you haven't. If you can't stop him, you need to at least be able to see what's going on.

My 10 year old sister and everyone of her friends are on facebook, along with their parents.
I would be mortified at 12 years old and having such a controlling mum, jeez

You could report him to Facebook, the minimum age for a page is 13. I'm not saying you should, but it is an option.

I don't think i am controlling. FB has an age limit of 13. Children under that age shouldn't be allowed on it. Upto other parents what they let their kids do but i didn't want my DS on there as i feel the content is often unsuitable. What does he need it for? He sees friends at school, has a mobile and can talk to friends on msn messenger.

What has annoyed me the most is that he hasn't come and spoke to me about it or discussed it. He hasn't asked me for FB a while. He has, with a friend, gone behind my back and got them to do it for him.

I would be pissed off too that he'd gone behind your back, but kids will do that if their parents are so controlling.
Facebook is a big part of my life, and I talk to my younger siblings on there as I live far away, my sister's 10 and 11 yr old friends are on there saying hello, commenting on cute baby photos, it's very family orientated from my veiw, and really safe compared to other networking sites.

I would punish him for doing it behind your back without speaking to you, but then say when he's 13 there's no reason he shouldn't have one.
You can log in and see exactly what he sees.

I see innapropriate things and apps on my facebook from certain friends, but a child shouldn't have friends like that on his list.
In my group people have not only their parents but grandparents sometimes! communicating, so we don't use pervy apps or speak innapropriately.

I think you are looking at different facebook anotherusername than the one most teenagers are using.

All three of my DCs have both had problems with people saying inappropriate and nasty things (supposed friends of the same age) because people say things that they wouldn't say in real life. I had to ban DS(13) for awhile because a petty row got out of hand and he was behaving as badly as the others.

There's a huge difference in the way different people use facebook and I don't think the OP's son would be so keen to sign up behind her back if it was to chat to his grandparents.

My 13yo is not allowed. She doesn't seem to think I'm horrendously controlling; seems it's not that common at her school. Overheard her the other day telling her little brother not to be silly and ask for one, reminding him of the age limit.

anotherusername I agree that is great for adults who have friends/family far away but DS doesn't. Well his grandparents live in Turkey but have no internet access.

Cory Good to see i'm not the only one who doesn't want DC on FB!

I like to think of myself as a fairly laidback parent, but at the same time I am not greatly taken with the idea that I have to let dd do whatever she likes because otherwise she'll flip and go off the rails. If dd goes off the rails, that's her responsibility- unless I am positively keeping her in chains and not letting her do anything.

My DD1 (will be 13 soon) loves FB, and all her mates have one.

My son is on facebook (nearly 13) and I don't have a problem with it