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Desperately need help with my 4 year old's delayed jealousy following birth of younger child

1 reply

KoalaSar · 03/03/2010 19:46

DD is 4 yrs 8 months. We also have an 8 month old DD.

When DD2 was born, we'd done everything you can imagine to prepare DD1; The Baby for Grace book, taking her to the ultrasound scan etc. I deliberately made time for her on a 1:1 basis immediately after baby was born, took her out shopping a week later etc.

She took to DD2 very well but just recently her behaviour has become problematic, as though she's either had a delayed reaction or she's realised that DD2 is a real little person and not just a baby.

DD2 is at the stage of cruising around the furniture, which means she needs extra supervision at times. DD1 is often too rough in her attempts to play or help, which lead to DD2 being knocked over or becoming frustrated when DD1 is physically encouraging her to walk/crawl etc.

DD1 has begun acting like a baby because she says "babies get more attention" (which is pretty astute for her age). She's talking in a baby voice, sucking her thumb and has become clingy and possessive towards me. If I make any attempt to play with DD2 then she will try to physically come between us.

She has also become very clingy to a baby doll she's had since the age of 10 months but never really shown much interest in before. She's been taking this doll to school and I've had to bring it with me every night when I collect her. This in itself doesn't worry me but I wonder whether it's all connected.

I would really appreciate any opinions and advice on how to go about addressing this, particularly if you've been through something similar.

Our current strategies have included one parent to one child, which is successful in so far as it prevents her constantly manhandling DD2, but this leaves us micro managing the day and we feel exhausted by it.

Also, it usually means I have DD1 and I feel I'm missing out on her little sister.

Of course, we continue to spend ++ individual time with DD1. At half term she had three days alone with me while DD2 was in day nursery and we did all sorts of lovely things together. The problem is, whatever we do, it never seems to be enough. I'm trying hard to be patient with her but feel totally drained.

Help!

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
MrsNetz · 03/03/2010 23:49

I don't have any answers really I think you are doing brill. Ds 3.5 and dd1.5 similar situation. Ds crying a lot cos lol sis does. He even goes and falls over to try and hurt himself in same way that dd has just to get attention!!!! He is also ver rough but sometimes I think he is too rough and dd is giggling away having loads of fun.

I just keep telling him that if he wants a cuddle to ask and I have play dates for him one day and her another. Can't do one dp to one dc cos husby works 7 days but sounds like good plan.

It's very difficult but will get used to it and as much as siblings might miss out on one to one what they ultimately gain from each other far outweighs the negative.

Don't beat yourself up I think ur doing all the right positive things. Hope gets bit better soon x

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