Tell me the bed time routine you have for your 4 yo

[LaCerbiatta]

Dd is 4.4 yo and I'm finding that her bedtime routine takes too long... Now that ds is here (1 week old) I would really want to make it shorter, but I don't want it to impact badly on dd, who is already oversensitive since her baby brother has arrived.

So, this is what we do: we go upstairs and dd will have either a shower or a top-n-tail wash and get into her pyjamas (sometimes she does it on her own, but I'm alwas there). We will then read 2 books of her choice on my bed while she has some milk, then she'll go for a wee and brush her teeth and then I tuck her into bed with a song.

The whole process takes over an hour... Usually because she'll take forever to choose her books or she'll start playing with water instead of brushing her teeth. I find myself losing my patience that she's taking so long and that she'll go to bed too late.

So, any tips for making this quicker? Or do you think we're doing ok? What do you do?

Thanks!

my ds is six and since being in a normal bed we have had pretty much the same routine. if its a bath night he will have a bath then downstairs for one story or two if they are quite little (spend about fifteen mins), then we go upstairs, he brushes his teeth whilst i get is pj's and bed ready (shutting curtains etc and getting out his clothes for the morning)then its in to bed, light off and sleep. if its not a bath night then he gets a wash when he brushes his teeth. i have always tried to make it that when he goes to bed its to sleep, thats why i read a story downstairs. when he is in the bathroom i always talk to him and hurry him along, so there is no messing.

I do think that it sounds fine if she is actually willing to go to sleep at the end of the hour long rountine.

DS is 5 yrs old. Our routine takes half an hour if he has a bath, 15-20 mins if not.

Quick bath every other night (if not, just washes hands and face)
Brush teeth
Into PJs
Lay clothes out for tomorrow
Into bed
Story or two
Lullaby
Night Night

We do it in the exact same order and have little in-jokes, things we say at each stage etc. There isn't too much messing about because he knows what's coming next. If he does mess about there is either no story or I will put a positive spin on it an say 'If you are really good tonight you can have three stories' as I know he loves them.

my dds routine sounds the same but takes 1/2 hour, so we go upstairs i get bath/shower ready while she gets undressed and chooses book to read afterwards she comes, has shower/quick wash, wrap in towel brush teeth (i do this for her) straight to bedroom, cream and into bed one story she chose earlier then lights out door closed

maybe she could have her milk before she goes upstairs?

dd is 4 btw

Your routine sounds very similiar to ours for our 4 year old

I find sometimes we can do it in half an hour..usually when its late, he is tired and I am chiding all the way

Other nights (and more usually) yes its an hour before he is settled with lights out

I find the nights I rush it are the nights he will get back up 3/4 times .. and then we all get stressed out

better to spend quality time snuggled , reading and singing

we dont do bath as part of the routin
and mine is prbably useless as there was none really

so I'm starting little to ensure I can do it

10 mins before bedtime, offer supper

then bedtime heralds a teeth and toilet shout

she goes to the loo, brushed her teeth
climbs into bed
has a story
bug hug and a couple of quesitons or things she wants to say

then night light on
cup of juice by bed, big hug and kiss

same few words I;ve said to all of them always last thing

and thats it

Dd has a bath after dinner and then is in her pjs with teeth brushed from about 6.30 onwards.

Bedtime then only takes about 20 minutes (if me) and half an hour (if dh - usually him tbh).

She gets 2 books, a song and some letters/numbers questions.

It doesn't sound like your routine is causing the delays - it's her behaviour at various stages. It's presumably harder for you to be fully focused on her (which really helps my dd do things faster!) now you have ds.

A couple of thoughts:

• give her some structure around the bits which are slow, eg. you have to have chosen the book before x otherwise I am choosing it, and here is your toothbrush, let me brush your teeth rather than leaving her to do it alone.
• You can make times for her to mess about too... eg. between dinner and bed could be playtime of her choice with very clear end point and lots of warnings when the end is approaching.
• With my ds we've had some success with starting to read him "chapter books" then there isn't such a faff about choosing every day. When we finish one or get bored he gets to choose for a few days.
• One of our most effective sanctions for evening bad behaviour has been "no story". It's administered only for bad messing about close to bedtime and they hate it, but it really gets the message home about being serious about getting things done. Not too many warnings, just rather a surprise. By being a little unpredictable with occasional sanctions like this we've had great response to persistent bad behaviour.
• when my dd (dc2) was small I'd bf her while reading with ds, so it was almost as if she wasn't there, except he couldn't actually be on my lap. Kept them both happy, though I'm not sure I managed it only a week in!

Good luck!

Oh yes, I second Catilla's suggestion of chapter books. Dd is loving 'The Folk of the Faraway Tree' by me and 'James and the Giant Peach' by dh.

We are loving it too.

yama, i read the folk of the faraway tree when i was younger and loved it. there are a couple of books about them as well i think

I assume that your dh isn't around to trade off (it takes about an hour here too but we trade off).

One thing that has helped us a lot, is having audio CDs for dd. I read her three stories, then a talking story, then she can have a CD story if she's still perky (just about every night!). Perhaps you could work that into your routine and claw back 15-20 minutes or so? You can get some second hand and we also use tapes from charity shops. Fairy stories of any kind are the top ranked in our house.

Also second the chapter books - we do 2 chapters in place of 2 shorter books. I have read SO many of those blasted Rainbow Fairy books!

6:30pm - in bath (I used to dunk DS2 as a baby in as well)

6:45 - out of bath, clean teeth etc

7pm - in bed for 2 short stories (I used to BF DS2 when he was a baby at this point)

7:15pm - into bed. If DH was around he would make up a story in the dark.

Don't be tempted to cut corners at bed time. It's a special time where they get a lot of attention. Give her the impression that you're trying to get rid of her, and that's when the probs start IMO.

Could have been me writing this post.

DD 4.8 (baby 8 months). Bedtime routine takes ages, especially if she has her hair washed and blow-dried.

6.15 bathtime, followed by a story and a chat (or two stories or one story and a look at the atlas or globe or something else).

Then she settles down with a little light that changes colour and we have a song and I stroke her head for a while (which she calls her "relax tickle!").

I sympathise - it's exhausting, but I think you're doing great. Perhaps this is the time they get you to themselves - it's obviously precious to them but it's hard to have such a long routine when you have to get back downstairs and do the rest of the chores. If you're anything like me then you are so desperate for them to go to sleep!

mine get a bath as soon as they get home from school, or in from the garden when the weather is nice. They read downstairs for half hour before bedtime, mostly to themselves. Then at bedtime, it's a two minute job, up the stairs, wees, and bed. No stories or songs in the bedroom.

Thanks everyone. It's good to know my routine isn't too different from most of you.

I will try to be more strict in the slow bits without cutting any corners. It wouldn't really be fair on dd.