how many years between babies?

[mollysmum82]

I would really appreciate some advice. My dd is 6 months old and my husband is already talking about having another baby. I think its his dream to have two little infants, running around, playing nicely together, but I haven't got the same rose-tinted glasses as him! Although I absolutely adore dd I've found the last 6 months so hard. As I'm sure is the same with all mums the sleep deprivation has been crippling and I've found the constant breastfeeding exhausting. DH and I have had more arguments than ever these last 6 months, mainly because I've been tired and snappy. I just worry another baby could put more strain on our relationship.

I just wondered how other people have coped having baby 2? Do you think its best to have them close in age so they have more in common, or is it best to wait till the first is in school so you have more time/sanity?

Thanks in advance

Personally i have big gaps. DD wa 4.5 when DS1 was born, then DD was 9 and DS1 was 4.5 when DS2 was born

I like the big gap - older DC can be off at school leaving me to fully concentrat/ catch up on MN sleep during the day then I don't fele bad abotu ignoring baby whne older child/ren home from school

/others prefer a small gap, so it gets all teh nappies/nights out of the way (I'be been changing nappies on and off for 10 yers now )

its very much a person choice - other mates are horrified at my gaps (slight exaggeration) and like having them close in age

I have 18 months between the two and it was by choice, it was hell for the first 6 months ish, but now it's great. they are 2 and 3 and play together ever so well, they share a bedroom, they share all their toys. They will only have one year difference at school so they can hang out with each other, and hopefully do other stuff together like sports and drama or something. I love having a small gap. But it's up to you, your choice, your sleepless nights. It is hard. Don't be pushed into it if you don't want to

I know plenty of people with gaps of between 12-24 months. In fact, 2 yrs seems to be the norm.

Gap between my two is 3 yrs 9 months.

The idea of two infants is hellish for me. Two nappies, double buggy, lack of sleep and freedom. The hours when my older one was at nursery were a Godsend when my DD was a newborn.

Each to their own, though. I know many enjoy and cope well with small gaps.

What do you think though?

I like close gaps. I have 16 month between DD1 and DS then 17 months between DS and DD2, three under three. I personally would have had them even closer together if I could. I think the biggest factor on how easy/hard it is is how they all sleep and you just can't predict that. Also even when my third child arrived I still didn't have a school run to do. I can't imagine being able to get a child to school in time with a new baby to look after.

I had 18 months

Love it

If you're going to change one nappy, you may as well do two - only takes 2 minutes

The older one's sleep should be sorted by the time the baby is born anyway so you shouldn't be up for 2 in the night unless something else is going on, in which age gap is irrelevant

If you have to go out with a buggy, you may as well take a bigger one, they are very easy to manoevre these days

Don't forget, your LO is only 6 months old now - a pregnancy is another 9 months by which time she will probably be walking.....a completely different person.

The only frustrating thing is that you're about to leave the house and suddenly 2 nappies need changing, or an emergency feed. That phases really doesn't last long and if that kind of thing stresses you, then don't agree to do anything that matters if you're late!

The great thing is that your DD will be focussed on you AND her sibling, so you can actually cook a meal while she 'chats away' to him/her....I found it rather easier having 2!

Our gaps are 14m, 27m and 16m.

Of all of them I found 27m the hardest as DS1 and 2 were both quite independent then it was back to constant feeding and nappies again.

The 16m gap is yet to be tried as DC4 is not here yet but am guessing it will be the same as the 14m gap.

Then no more gaps, as 4 will be plenty.

We have waited almost 4 yrs. Number 2 sue in 3 mthjs, ds is 3.7.

Nearly went for it when ds was tiny, glad we didn't when we saw what he was like aged 2!

Depends on what you can cope with. I can't stand the baby stage and needed a long break from it. On the other hand, if they are close together, you get it over with quickly!

It's hard going and fun in equal measure regardless!

Fwiw, most of my pals have a 2 - 2.5 gap.

There is 2 years between my dd and ds, and at times I thought I would never get out of the house again, what with last minute nappy changes, feeds and all the stuff you need to take for two little ones. If my oldest had been in school or nursey, I don't think we would have ever made it there, we could never get out in those early days before lunchtime! But 9 months down the line, I don't think I would have done it differently. They look like they are set to be great playmates...might even be tempted to go for #3!

4 yrs gap between mine. DD adores being a big sister, and is endlessly patient with her brother. I worried about them not being close, but it's really worked for us.

I also really wanted to "enjoy" the baby stage IYKWIM? Not rush onto the next one whilst the first was so needy?

Mostly my friends have a 2 yr gap between their babies, but I grew up in a large family and was acutely aware of how horrendous 2 year olds could be - so made DH perfectly clear that there would be no trying to conceive until DC1 had safely turned 3!

Good luck!

Aww thanks so much for your replies! Its so good to talk this through impartially and get different ideas - I really appreciate it. So I guess I've got a lot to think about then! I'll let you know what happens! x