stress makes me hit my own head

[hurtyhead]

I've changed my name because this is pathetic and embarrassing. I won't bore you with what is stressful about my life, but it is stressful. Occasionally, not often (maybe twice a month), when the stress becomes unbearable I end up totally involuntarily hitting my head with the palm of my hand. It's because I'm determined not to take my stress out on my children, so I take it out on myself, but since they do see it sometimes I guess this is just as damaging.

I achingly want to stop and manage my stress by other means, but it's totally involuntary at a certain level of stress. I'm too embarrassed to talk about it to anyone.

Hmm, me too. I'm a bit more open about it though and my husband regularly see's me at 4am in the morning...after waking up half hourly, hourly with either of my children I hit myself on the forehead with the palm of my hand because the sleep deprivation makes me what to scream and cry.
Obviously, I feel this would be more unacceptable than bashing my own head. Bashing my own head is silent (ish) and doesn't impact on anyone else but what it does is knock me back in to the real world and makes me focus a little instead of feeling so delirious that I could internally combust.

My 3yr has seen me do it, it's so hard to explain how it happens. Usually when my baby is screaming at that tone which reaches your inner core whilst I'm trying to make lunch, bottle and get out the house by 1pm and then 3yr old spills juice over the floor and I burn lunch (reconstruction of possible event), my hand will BANG knock my forehead. When my 3yr old ask why I have done this to myself it makes me cringe inside. It makes me feel like such a bad mother. I try so hard to make my childrens lives stress free. Smiling even though I could be upset inside, calm even though I'm stressed out inside..but occasionally it breaks free like a caged beast and I hit myself.
So, this is to say you are not alone. Let's hope we don't have the 'perfect mums' judging us too harshly on here eh?
xxx

Oh poor you two. Stress can do extraordinary things to people. I have been more shouty recently, when under extreme stress, but haven't resorted to hitting. However, I do sympathise.

I don't imagine it should be too difficult to replace your head-hitting with less damaging/ more constructive alternatives; it's just a matter of changing habits. But what's underlying the stress - and also your ability to recognise the different levels of stress as they manifest themselves in you - these things are ESSENTIAL.

We normally experience a heightened level of physical stimulation when our stress levels rise - raised heart rate, sweat palms, feeling tightness in the chest, etc. IME these are the precursor to outward behaviours such as shouting/ hitting, etc. It's important to recognise these physical responses, so that you know when to take a step back. It's also vital to identify why you are feeling stressed - is it a temporary situation? An ongoing situation which you feel is outside your control?

You shouldn't worry about your children experiencing stress, by the way; it's essential for them to experience the whole range of our emotional world, within the protective, safe context of supportive parents.

I need to sleep but will be back...

NEmummy I can't imagine that anyone on this site would judge you or dismiss you as a bad parent.

You both sound like parents who are doing their absolute best under stressful circumstances.

Thanks MoreCrackThanHarlem..think when I stumbled across this website this afternoon I read to many 'Am I being unreasonable to think...' threads and thought all of the Talk Topics may have been so harshly judged. Not so after reading through some other Talk Topics...

Basically everyone has their way of dealing with stress. But, as Speedy has so rightly pointed out, the way you deal with it can be key indicator in changing your behaviour. I think when maybe when I'm feeling the 'kettle boiling over' point I'm going to take a step back and try a frying pan against my forehead instead...joking! I'm going to take a step back and think..'is it situation so bad that I have to be this stressed?'..Maybe I'll still bash my head if it is that bad or maybe I'll be able to realise it's not. Gosh I can ramble.

Hope this is being a bit of help hurtyhead and that I have hijacked your topic :-)