Sex talk for 7 yr old - help!!

[THK]

My 7 year old daughter ( only child) was playing truth or dare with a group of all girls whilst I was sitting close by. All pretty harmless until 1 of the girls dared another girl to "have sex" with my daughter.
I immediately called all the girls over - the eldest is 8. I asked them if they knew what the word meant and they said no but some of the boys at school were talking about it. They all know what mating is so I explained sex and mating was the same thing. They were horrified but I didnt go further as I felt should only talk to my daughter.

My question is - for any mums with Boys : Do you have sex talks earlier with Boys because of their erections etc?? if so do you explain the whole thing or just partly explain what they are experiencing.

Im asking as I dont want to go into so much detail whilst shes only 7 - but if the boys know then its pointless holding back.

My daughter has asked me more details and I do answer her questions honestly but avoided the question of how sperm reaches the egg. I genuinly feel she doesnt know and wasnt testing me for my reaction.

Has anyone any pointers - at what age did you openly discuss ?

I, personally, am surprised that you ahven't done it already

I rather they know the true facts before kids at school start telling them silly stuff

periods were dicussed when they saw me put a tampon in and actually noticed it
like about 3 ish

100% agree with what Trinity said. don't make it a secret that only grown ups should know. FWIW, I imagine that she has an idea, probably based on heresay at school. My dd had a vague idea at age 5 and I explained it in bits (some she didn't believe so I got a book) and now she is fully aware and corrects those who come out with a load of old tripe.

mummy laid an egg is a good book

but so is just sitting dwn and explaining it matter of factly and answering any questions she has

no secrets, no tabbo, straight honest answers

think about it as a way to insure she can deal with what silly things she is told at school as she knows the truth and qlso she will come to you and tell you the things she is told so you can correct or confirm because you have shown her that you are open and honest and there to help her understand

Agree with other advice - just tell her in an honest way. The earlier the better in my opinion, because otherwise it becomes a "grown up secret" and has an air of mystery/ taboo, which I just don't think it should.

I told my DD when she first asked about babies in tummies, when she was 3 I think. She knows that the seed comes from daddy's willy, and goes into mummy's front bottom, and then the seed finds the egg inside mummy and makes a baby which grows inside her tummy.

She asked how the seed got inside, and I went doen the "special cuddle" route, but did specifically explain that daady puts his willy inside mummy's front bottom when they have this cuddle.

She was not phased one tiny bit. Not even any more intrigued that when I have explained other stuff like how vegetables grow, or other things.

She's 4 now, and I'm not sure she has heard the word sex, but when it comes up I'll just explain that sex is another word for this special cuddle.

Um, my 6, 5 and 3yo know about sex. Mummy laid an egg has told them all they want to know at the moment.

Answer as matter of factly as you can.
My dd is 13 and ds 10, and they are going through a silly phase of asking "sex" questions they think will embarrass me, such as
"mummy, what is a boner".
I had "the talk" with dd when he was 8, as she wasn't remotely interested before, and keep adding to it year on year.
However, this thread has made me think about ds- I haven't done it yet with him. Now dh is is crap at this sort of thing, so I need to do it.
Thanks op for bringing this up!
(runs to revise sex)

DD1 and DS were both around 6 when I told them - I was pregnant both times and they asked the 'how did the baby get there' question. i told them both the facts - giving a bit at first ie mummy has and egg and daddy has a sperm and together they make a baby...but both times they kept pressing until I went into detail (at which point DS rolled around laughing wondering why any woman would want that done to her!). Just be honest and open. Children know if you are keeping stuff back - or they will find out later - and this will make it harder for them to feel comfortable to ask you questions in the future. As a sexual health nurse, i have met far far too many teenage girls who have no one to ask about sex and, even, sadly, periods, and have therefore very dubious knowledge. Much better they feel they can come to you.

My own mother told me NOTHING and consequently when I began my periods on a camping holiday with my dad, thought I was dying.

I can't believe you've not told her already, actually. I think 7 is too old NOT to know. It's not exactly a big secret, it's the facts of life. No need to make a big song and dance of it.

thanks for all the input, lots to consider and appreciate all the niews received.
I did poll all her classmates parents and interestingly only 2 children out of 22 have been told.
Im rightly or wrongly going to leave it just for the moment.

THK, my DS is 7. He's an only child so has not seen babies in my tummy etc. However, when he has asked a question about babies I answer him honestly - he knows its a woman and a man who make a baby together, but doesn't know the detail of how and hasn't asked. He knows men and women have differed private parts. If anything, he's been more interested in how the babies come out of a mummy's tummy than how they get there in the first place! Personally, I don't feel he needs to know any more detail yet, he's a very young 7. Having said that another boy who is in his class is completely obsessed with sex, looking up girls skirts, looking at sex stuff on the internet - so I'm told.

So although my DS and most of his friends wouldn't have a clue what 'having sex' is its not impossible that some others the same age do.

Seems I'm in the minority that thinks a 7 year old is still a young child. I think the benchmark of when the right time for these conversations is when they ask. My DS's are 9 & 7, and neither have really asked anything much - when they do I'll answer honestly, but until they do, why rock the boat?

My 9 year old is the sort of kid who will dwell on things he doesn't quite get, so to tell him without him asking would probably traumatise him for life! The 7 year old is much more likely to ask first, but will also be the kind to roll around on the floor finding it all very amusing!

Easylife and singlemum - pleased to hear Im not alone in this!
I would have felt more inclined to have the talk if it appeared at least half of her classmates knew but I think I can wait a while yet. Since last weekend she hasnt raised the topic again - its back to ponies and singing!

I told ds1 when he asked - aged 3, I was pg with ds2 at the time, and have continued to talk about it.
I haven't specifically told ds2 - now aged 4 and probably should do so soon.

DS1 was 4 when I was pg with ds2, and asked me how the baby had got in my tummy, so I explained about Daddy's seed and Mummy's egg etc. He has never asked me how they actually meet, so I haven't pushed it. He knows the difference between male and female bodies. His friend at school told him last year (age 6) that sex was being naked in bed, kissing so I told him that there was a bit more too it than that, but he didn't ask what it was. He is the sort of child who would ask if he wanted to know so I am very much leaving it up to him at the moment.

Have just discussed this with dh who thinks we ought to sit him down and have a chat, but I know that none of my friends with children the same age have done that just yet.

I am astonished that you think the age you discuss sex with a child varies according to the childs gender

I have a boy and a girl - Obviously what I say to each will be slightly different but the age I talk to them about stuff will be the same regardless of their gender

I agree Mummy laid an egg is a really good book

My DS is nearly 8, and knows nothing. He hasn't asked, and I haven't volunteered. I see no reason whatsoever to enlighten him at this age - esp. given the fact that he isn't yet curious. When he does ask, we will give him straightforward answers.

I would be astonished if an 8yo wasn't curious about where babies come from.

Twinkster I understand how you feel I really do

But if your ds is sat talking to a group of his friends and the subject gets talked about he is going to look jolly silly if he has no idea whatsoever. - I think all children need at least some knowledge about such things

LAW, I think my views are probably affected by the fact that DS has Aspergers and is only interested in his own, very narrow, obsessions. So playground talk largely passes him by! If babies were made by machines, he'd be a national expert on the process and would be accosting random strangers to share his knowledge.

DD is nearly 6, and I think she'll be interested much sooner - in which case I will give her as much information as I think she can readily handle...

If you need some tips on how to approach the discussion with your daughter, this short expert advice film might be of use- www.parentchannel.tv/video/talking-about-sex Hope it helps!

Hi Twinkster
Funny you should say that as my ds is 8 and has aspergers too

Before Christmas when reading and talking about Mary and Joseph, birth of Jesus etc, we said to him "Sooooooooooo do you know what a virgin is.........?"

He gave us the definition he had found in the back of his kids bible, from memory he said "a woman or girl who has not had sexual relations" in a big confident voice.

I nearly fell over!

Buy a copy of Mummy laid an egg - what harm can it do?
The fact that your ds hasnt shown an interest isnt the point - how will you feel if the other kids realise he thinks babies come with the stork and make fun of him????????

All I have done with my ds is read a simple book on the topic, have a little chat and he has watched lots of nature documentaries!

Ah yes, the reciting definitions thing... maybe I could try to persuade DS that periods are something to do with the periodic table (his current obsession) and see if that sinks in?

My DS is 7.5. After his bath he struts around his bedroom naked, swinging his bits about, and says, "Mummy, exactly how many baby seeds will I be able to grow in here?"

Wish me luck for when he's a teenager