If you are estranged from one set of gps what do you say to your dcs?

[shonaspurtle]

We don't see dh's parents and they don't acknowledge the existence of ds who is 3.

Ds knows that his grandma and grandpa on my side of the family are my mummy and daddy, and that my grandmother is grandma's mummy. He has never asked about dh's parents but it's coming, probably soon.

We met dh's aunt and his gran for lunch today and ds was talking about his great gran being daddy's gran, then he said something about daddy's mummy and we all kind of froze. As it turned out, he was talking about my mum so it didn't come to anything.

We've not really talked about how we'll approach it - distract for now I suppose. I just can't think of what to say. Do we tell him that dh & his parents fell out? Isn't he going to wonder why his other grandparents don't love him? Maybe I'm over-thinking it.

Since ds was born I've always hoped that things could get sorted out. Dh did meet them unexpectedly last year and it wasn't as bad as he thought it would be but when he suggested that they might meet ds one day his mother brushed it off. They are strange people .

Any advice/experience would be appreciated. I guess I just don't get how anyone couldn't love and want to see my beautiful ds.

bump

my dd now 17 her gps have not seen her for years but sees the other 2 ,dd was first gc to be born but dont bother us now !!

Thanks for replying.

I think you're right, ds won't be bothered. Maybe if we just say we don't see them because they're far away (well, 30 miles..) he'll just accept that at face value.

Dh wants to get it right because he doesn't want ds turning around in 15 years and asking why he was kept from his gps.

My parents absolutely adore him too and I certainly don't miss the MIL thing (I suspect she'd have been a humdinger), but when I see my nephew who has 2 sets of grandparents to love him I do feel for ds.

Their loss really though.

Hi Shona this is my first post -hope you don't mind me putting my tuppence in. We were in a similar situation. At first we told my son that they lived in another town. He was happy with this but then started asking more questions. DS is 7 now and recently asked why he has never met GD on dads side.we told him just that he wasn't someone that was very nice to people but that was a shame as there are lots of people in our life who were nice and we felt sad GP couldn't share it. He seemed to accept this but know more questions are coming. we think we will just answer them as kindly but honestly as we can.

Thanks lilly. That's really helpful.

Sounds like the "far away" line is enough if it comes up for now. We'll draw a veil over our long trips to visit other relatives .

The rest we'll have to deal with as it comes. I suppose the older he gets, the better he'll be equipped to understand that not everyone gets on with their family.

We're lucky that we're on great terms with all of dh's family except his mother/father/brother so ds still gets the stories about his dad when he was little and has contact with that side via great aunts/cousins etc.

I suppose growing up knowing nothing else makes a big difference.