can a child become bilingual/fluent in a language their mum doesn't speak?

[organichairbrush]

Does anyone have any experience of this? DH and I would like to bring up our (currently 3 month old) DD speaking both Hebrew and English. My Hebrew is virtually non-existently awful, though I'm trying, and DH's English is so effortlessly fluent that we speak only English between us. We've agreed that DH and his family speak only Hebrew to DD, and we read and play music in Hebrew, but will that be enough...?

If your dh is 100% consistent and always speaks Hebrew with your dd, then she'll learn it, even if she doesn't use it actively. Often kids will answer the parent in the other language, especially if it's the language of the country, but she'll always understand and, in time, be able to use it with the rest of her family. But it's about discipline and consistency. I think there's also some research to suggest that bilingual kids take longer to learn to speak as they're trying to sort through two languages at once, so don't worry.

It'll work. My friend's son speaks English, Slovene and Serbo-Croat (mum American, dad Bosnian and living in Slovenia). He was a bit late in talking but now is fluent in them all.

Thanks. Useful to hear...

In short YES.

I know of a family where the dad speaks one language, the mum another. They don't speak each other langauge so speak in english together. They are living in France (4th language). Their dd is happily growing up quadrilingual.

You don't say whether your DH family is in the UK or not. If they are, it will NOT be an issue. She will get plenty of opportunity to speak her second language. If they aren't, it will probably bit harder but as long as you are happy to go and see is family on a regular basis, she will learn.

Wellcome to the bilibgual family

There's no reason why it shouldn't work tho' personally I think it always helps if the parent who spends most time with the child is the speaker of the minority language (the one not spoken by the community or country you are living in) and is naturally chatty, which women are more likely to be.

I read somewhere that in order to have any success the child should be hearing the target language 30% of their waking hours.

TBH a situation where one of the parents doesn't speak the lnaguage of the other is far from being uncommon.
When the dad is teaching the minority language, it can make things harder because it's the mum who quite often spend more time with the child. But the issue is about % of time when the child is hearing the second language, not about a difference between mum & dad.

So the more your DH is going to talk with your dd, the more 'chance' she will be a 'balanced' bilingual.

I agree, it can work, but no doubt is harder IMO than if both parents speak the 'other' language.

My DSs speak and understand German as I have spoken it to them from the start. Their dad does not speak much German beyond being able to order a beer and we speak English as a family; obviously school/nursery etc is all in English.

It is harder work and I find myself becoming lazy as it is more and more difficult to explain more complex things to the older ones in the language that they are less comfortable in IYKWIM.

Also, it depends on your definition of 'bilingualism': I learnt English as a child in the States, I have lived in the UK for 16 years, I am more than happy speaking/reading/writing in English and yet... still not quite my Mothertongue .

Thanks for the encouragement. All sounds promising. DH does have family in the UK who'll speak Hebrew to her. And he's just generally able to talk the rear limb off any mammal naturally much chattier than I am...

Ah, if he's a chatty man that's a very good start!

Make sure she has lots of contact with the Hebrew-speaking relatives and when she can talk she can speak on the phone or Skype with them too.
Good luck!

I find Hebrew speakers are quite loquacious naturally....my male Jewish friends are all much chattier than I am and I'm not particularly silent!

It can definitely work. It had better bloody work cos I'm not speaking French to the DC and the likelihood of us living in a French speaking country after next year is slim! In fact the chances of us landing in an English speaking country are about equal - that is to say, virtually non-existent, so unless they're going dumbe throughout their school years it can definitely work.

It can work, my (half) sister is bilingual due to her German mother - both parents work full time and our Dad speaks little German. Interestingly she often mixes up german words into her speech (she's 5) but seems to be getting clearer about the distinction between the two languages as she gets older.

I think its much more common in other countries too, I have a friend who speaks English, French, German & Swiss German - I once asked her which was her 'first' language, and she said she really couldn't distinguish, she learnt one first, was schooled mostly in another, had recently lived more in English speaking countries . . . (She did say Swiss German was her favourite, but only because she thinks it sounds the best!)

I think the parents should only speak in their mothertongue, depending on how good their second language is, but in my experience it's harder trying to un-do the mistakes (taught by non mothertongue speakers) than it is to teach new words, once they've learnt it wrong it's hard to correct it.