the crap mum of the day award goes to me

[elmofan]

ds(11yrs) came home from school last week with a note to let us know he had made it onto team c of the cross country running team in school , our house is up for sale ATM & while tiding stuff away (including this letter)for viewers we had all over the weekend i put it in a press & totally forgot about it the race was for after school today & ds was not allowed to go as i had not sent him in with his sports gear , he threw a major strop with me when i picked him up from school & shouted at me that i was a lousy mum . i am normally great at remembering stuff like this but slipped up big time today . so i am awarding my self crap mum of the day award .
to make matters worse i have just bribed him with a huge bar of galaxy Caramel for after his tea tonight to make it up with him . (awaits getting flamed for bribing ds with chocolate )

OK its looking good as he has just come down from sulking in his room & asked (with a cheeky grin) if he could have just 2 squares of the chocolate before his dinner )

well I'd have asked him why he didn't remind me about the need for sports kit and why he'd not written it on the calendar in the first place

but I'm mean like that! you're not a crap mum, you're very nice and give good bribes

Feel free to point out to him that he could have made a note of the date and packed his own kit. (Pot calling kettle here, because I probably do too much for my child of the same age, but I wouldn't be happy at being shouted at). Perhaps a positive way forward is to suggest that when he brings notes home, he could try to remember to write the date in his planner, or on the calendar and at least share the responsibility with you.

thanks , still feel crap though , he was very upset in the car on the way home , screaming & shouting at me i told him he should have reminded me about it last night etc but as you can imagine that did not go down too well , your spot on lemonmeringue i do everything for him therefore i get all the blame if something goes wrong . great idea to get him to make notes of these things on the calendar ,thanks .
bumpybecky lol chocolate always works

I have 4 dc, if I had to remember everything each of them needed each day my head would forget all the really important stuff like how to bake cakes or that we needs bread.

Since my older two started middle school (year 5) I've made them responsible for their own things. I remind them (when I remember, normally half way to school) but ultimately it's up to them.

We have an organised mum calendar in the kitchen with a column for each person and they can add important things as required, often with stickers! We also have a (home made in word) planner in the kitchen that has a column for each weekeday and a row for each child and in each box we add what they need e.g. pe kit, flute, swimming kit, maths game, spelling books, choir music etc. The planner is so simple even DH can understand it (still working on getting him to use the calendar!).

Don't beat yourself up for forgetting the kit but equally start making these things his responsibility - he's 11 not 5.....

elmofan - you are setting your son up to be a total PITA for his prospective wife (or husband in these PC times)by doing everything for him.

I dont give a stuff about bribing him with chocolate, I am more concerned that he screamed and shouted at YOU and blamed YOU for something that HE wanted to do.

Sorry, but he needs to take some of the blame and learn to remind you in future.

PS - I am in NEED of some choc, can i have some please???

wow you are super organised will definitely be taking a leaf out of your book so to speak , that's a great idea . thanks

thehillssarealive guilty as charged lol ,
i had better change my ways or ds will still have me running around after him when he is in his 30's won't he ?
yes i will share my big bar of choc i have hidden for after the dc's go to bed so i can pig out & hopefully watch TV in peace tonight as dh is working late . ( hands over choc to thehillsarealive)

Sorry but he was the one racing, he was the one wearing the kit. Its his fault not yours. He should be in trouble for the tantrum not being given apologies and chocolate!

i know your right batteryhuman , think i might be a soft touch tbh , ds gets very stroppy with me if he does not get his own way & i did feel guilty for forgetting about this event , as he was excited to make the team in the first place , ds is my pfb & i must admit he is hard work sometimes , he stands up to me a lot iykwim

ta muchly for the chocolate elmofan.

Please dont let your DS walk all over you. Would you like it if he spoke to anyone else like that?

Why not try the planner or organiser idea? I used to have an organised mum thingy on the wall, but now I use my phone calendar for everything and then sync it with my laptop - hubby does the same and we can see who is where and when.

We use a Dodo Pad, which is a big diary with columns for everybody's activities and room for notes. It lies on the kitchen counter and is easier to write on than a wall calendar, but it might be a bit twee for your man child. Cheaper on Amazon.

your welcome thehills , dh always tells me i let ds walk all over me, the thing is he wouldn't dare talk to anyone one else the way he speaks to me , my mum keeps telling me its because i do everything for ds , she reckons i do too much iykwim & get no thanks for it , the thing that worries me most is lately ds has started to raise his fist up to me like he is going to punch me but never has , we dont believe in slapping children so this behaviour is really worrying , grounding him & taking his mobile & consoles off him doesn't seem to bother him as he just laughs at me when i take them . he only acts this way when he doesn't get his own way , the rest of the time he is lovely & offers to help me do laundry & tidy up his little sisters toys etc .

it's a good learning experience eh! you're not going to pick up after him forever. while you're at it, teach him to wash his own kit in the machine at the same time...

Now you are being silly - by thinking that this makes you a crap mum. Better he starts learning to take responsibility for himself by not being able to take part in a race age 11, than in some more serious problem in the future. Forgetting something like this does not make you a crap mum, and now you can start working on sorting out your relationship with him.

thanks , i have had a talk with ds , and we have agreed that tomorrow morning i am going to buy him a Dr who calendar for his bedroom & it is going to be his responsibility to write in that any events that are coming up & then give me a reminder the day before , with all the stuff going on with the house up for sale & dd is not well & not sleeping I'm tired out , so he is happy with that idea . i have banned him from the PS3 console for a week for raising his fist up to me & told him that is unacceptable behaviour that will not be tolerated in this house .

Oh well done! Really glad and impressed to hear that.

thanks grendelsmum ,

Blimey, hand back that award immediately.

lemon , still feel bad though .

Oh stop it now.