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Parenting

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I don't like my child

2 replies

aprilj · 24/02/2010 16:41

My son is twenty. He has, thankfully, moved away and has a fairly good job. He has few friends but does have a long-standing girlfriend who, even if she won't set the world on fire, is a stabilising influence on him.

In the two or three years before he moved away, he stole from me and my partner,and also I believe from places he worked at, lied to us,and consistently used foul language in front of us and my daughters. I believe he is a sociopath, disliking and dismissing nice, decent people for no reason. He used to have a good circle of friends at school but has turned into a different child.

We used to be inseparable; his father had nothing much to do with him until he was about four, and when my son was six my husband walked out. Now my son dislikes me, probably because of what his father tells him, and he is much closer to his father, who more or less ignores my daughters.

My son is a bad influence on my daughters, swearing at them, manipulating and trouble-making. He's turned into a clone of his father, and I don't like him. I try to be nice to him but it's very difficult.

This is not a complete picture of the situation but I'm devastated that the child I so adored, and wish I still could, has gone. I try to be nice to him; he still rings me but we have nothing to talk about - and anyway I don't believe anything he says.

I think he needs me but he doesn't know it. I want to be able to help him become the nice, rounded and happy person he should have been, but he doesn't seem to like me at all. I have helped him financially in the past when I could - his father left us with nothing and having to claim benefits, which was dreadful. I'm working now but money is still an issue.

How does one get over a dislike of one's own child?

OP posts:
whensmydayoff · 24/02/2010 17:34

sometimes you can't be resposible for how a child has turned out and you certainly don't have to like him.

My brother stole, lied and basically treats people like dirt.

My mum feels the same as you and can't stand dealing with him. It's like humouring a 5 year old dealing with him.
Every word that comes out of his mouth is a lie.
I can't even tell you some of the things he has done as they are too awful.

I do think my dad has alot to blame for the way he is. Boys are deeply effected by a bad or absent father.

You don't automatically like an adult child no matter who they are so don't beat yourself up. x

overmydeadbody · 24/02/2010 18:44

Well I don;t think you have to like who your child is as an adult, it doesn;t make you a bad person or a bad parent.

It might help you to focus on the fact that you dislike some of his behaviours, rather than disliking him, and that these behaviours may well not be permenant. People do change, grow up and mature, he might just need more time.

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