3 yr old tantrums that go on for hours

[jobhuntersrus]

Terrible 2s was a piece of cake but the last few months since he has been 3 have been truely terrible as far as tantrums are concerned. I really don't know what to do for the best anymore and he has started to do it at nursery too which makes me feel pretty guilty. I really hate the thought of them talking about what a nightmare child he is. He wants thing exactly as he wants it down to the silliest little details and if he doesn't get it he flips like a wild animal.He also refuses to walk any where but also refuses to go ina pushchair. He throws chairs and smashes up anything he can get his hands on screaming and crying. There is nowhere safe I can put him to ignore and let him scream it out as he can scale a stair gate with ease and can easily open doors. If I hold the door shut he will do an unacceptable amount of damage on the other side.
As his tantrums are so hiddious we obviously try to avoid triggers but he also needs to learn that everything can't revolve around him and I am sick of walking on egg shells around him and doing silly things just to stop him kicking off. He can go on for hours and hours.
I need to just not tolerate it I think and ignore screaming etc but I am worried that it will get worse before it gets better and in the mean time we have to still function as a family (have 2 older ds) plus I worry about nursery's attitude to it if his behaviour got even worse.

Just feeling really crap about it all right now.

Hi,

My little boy was the same but i always new something wasn't quite right. His behaviour was unpredictable and he got quite aggressive at pre school and in the end, they said they couldn't handle him anymore. I went to see my health visitor and she came to onserve him at home and got him observed at school, he then underwent an assessment and he has Autism.
It may be nothing but even if it's purely behavioural, it sounds like you really need someone to point you somewhere and you're health visitor is a great start! They can usually get referrals to specific clinics that can help.
Sarah

Thats really tough jobhuntersrus, it can be so draining. I totally agree with you about the walking on egg shells thing, you can't live like that. Alos he will expect everyone to do it if he sees you doing it. CHildren are alot smarter than we think and if he has probably already picked up on the fact that people will do anything to stop him kicking off. I would speak to a health visitor if I were you. They should be able to give you some advice and maybe details of support available.

Don't feel bad about it, believe me, you are not the only parent going through this!

You say this has been going on for a few months now and behaviours are really hard to change so it will probably take a huge effort to help him change them- he won't be able to just change overnight. What is his understanding of what he is doing like? After he has had a tantrum do you talk to him about what he did, why he did it and the effect it had on you and the rest of the family. I found that worked really well with my ds. I'm sorry I don't have an easy solution but I would defeinitely recommend contacting a health visitor, they are very used to this sort of thing. xxx

Thank you for the replies. I had a good chat with his key worker at nursery today and she reassured me that his tantrums don't bother them and they are certainly not tip toeing round him so that made me feel better about that. He doesn't seem to understand that his behaviour is upsetting but he is only 3 so don't really expect him to see things from others point of view just yet. He says he was only pretending or denies he was crying all together which is odd. HV is a good idea. Haven't seen her since he was 8 months old as she was about as useful as a chocolate teapot but it may well be someone different now so worth a try.