My newborn won't settle in his crib - what's the alternative to co-sleeping?

[LaCerbiatta]

Ds is 3 days old and he won't settle in his crib. I don't want to leave him to cry and I really don't want to co-sleep either. Is there an alternative? The past two nights have been reaaly diificult, specially as I had a section and I'm finding it very hard to move.

Also, does anyone have positive expeiences of babies that needed to be cuddled all the time at first but would later settle happily in their cribs /cots?

TIA

Yes, my youngest (now 19 weeks) wouldn't let me put her in her bedside cot for 30 seconds without crying in her first week! I was quite upset, as my others are much older and when I co-slept with them it was hv-approved, now is very much not.

After the first couple of weeks though she took to the cot and would go to sleep about half the time without even a murmur! I was very surprised but pleased. (Never left her to cry.)

Have you tried swaddling?

Ditto I39 - dd (19 weeks today!) hated to be put down in her early days and spent her first four weeks sleeping only on me or DH, lying on our chests. We used to take her in shifts through the night so each of us would have some baby-free sleep. We also never left her to cry but tried her in the moses basket every so often (putting her down asleep) and eventually she was - and still is - happy in it.

We found dd didn't really like being on her back so bought a sloping mattress like this, which helped a lot.

Also, have you tried swaddling? We didn't, but I hear it helps to replicate the closeness. Remember your ds is very little still and will need to feel close to you - it's totally normal and will get easier!

Congratulations on your baby

Had a similar problem but used an Amby Hammock was totally brilliant. Highly recommended!

swaddling can work really well, instantly sometimes. They feel really exposed when legs and arms are free, cos they have been all squashed up! I think 3 days is a little early to be worrying that he will always be like this, takes you both a bit of time to get over the trauma of the birth! I wasn't even out of the hospital at 3 days old!
Is the crib far away from you? I lay next to the moses basket for first couple of weeks.

Why don't you want to co-sleep?
As long as it's not down to scaremongering because it's not dangerous if you take safety precautions.

Sorry but co-sleeping is the only thing that worked for me. I would have lost my mind without sleep otherwise :-D
(tried the crib initially)

First of all, congratulations!!!

My DS is 3 weeks old and refused to be put down at night for the first few nights which was sending me and DP mad! I, like you, was not too keen on co-sleeping, mainly because I was so knackered I didn't trust myself to keep him safe.

On the fourth night I tried a few tricks I researched on here - feeding the baby on a muslin (and with the baby in a sleeping bag rather than tucking in with blankets) then transferring the baby AND the muslin to the basket (so that it is warm and smells like you), and carrying the sheet for the moses basket in my bra during the day (looked bizarre!) again so that it smelt like me and milk when we put him in the basket.

We also changed his nappy when he woke up instead of after he was fed so that we could let him go to sleep on us but then transferred him straight over, and amazingly, it worked!

He now sleeps in his basket happily, so have faith - hope some of this helps you

Mine would frequently only go to sleep on my chest or her dad's for the first few weeks... but after that, she consented to her moses basket without a problem. We swaddled too, I think it helped. Congratulations on your new arrival, and don't worry - everything is a phase - he'll be out of this one and into some other mystifying habit before you know it ;-)

Swaddling worked really well for dd1, it's definitely worth a try.

At 3 days old it is very early days. My DD was like this but did settle after a few days. We got through the first few nights with lots of cuddles and 'pass the baby' - exhausting but do-able for the short term. We did not co-sleep but had the baby in a crib that was effectively an extension of the bed on my side. We tried swaddling too and hard to say if helped or whether was just time.
A friend had similar issues and used a baby hammock - which she kept in for weeks (for sleeps, I mean, not permanently!) and swore by.

Don't worry, it will settle (and there will be other issues to deal with!). In the meantime, do try to get rest during the day and go to bed ridulously early as needed - tiredness makes everything much harder to bear.

And, of course, Congratulations!

Thanks everyone!!

It's good to hear all your positive stories!

mummyof2: I don't want to co-sleep because I don't feel safe. I feel that I sleep too soundly and wouldn't notice rolling over ds. I know it's probably not true (not on medication, not a smoker, etc) but I'm just too nervous about it.

I sent my mother for some swaddling blankets yesterday and will try them today. They did it at the hospital and it seemed to have helped, so maybe it will work at home too!

Thanks again!

I think it's sad that we've been scared away from sleeping with our newborns.
All other apes sleep with their babies, and in many non westernised cultures it's normal and expected.

Anyway I hope you find something that works for you where baby is nearby but you feel he's safe.

You really wouldn't roll over him. Anyway my ds was like this. he is now 25 weeks and sleeps happily in his cot, although in with me sometimes.

I did co-sleep (dh went in spare room) and he slept on us a lot- on our chests.

we had the moses basket on the bed in between us for the first few weeks. Worked pretty well, baby close by but also in a separate bed. Not so much because I think co-sleeping in dangerous but just found that we ALL slept better.

Ok, a couple of questions re the co-sleeping:

• do you sleep on pillows? does the baby sleep between the 2 pillows? is that not dangerous?

• what do you use to cover yourselves and the baby?

• does the bed always have to be against the wall so that the baby sleeps between mummy and wall?

thanks

Tugamommy - my DD did not like swaddling, but very much liked to have her head pushed up against something (e.g. a warm rolled-up towel) as she went to sleep. (The midwife suggested it as an alternative to swaddling as it helps replicate the feeling of closeness from the womb.) We simply removed the towel once she was asleep.

I think it's great to have a moses basket next to bed for when you're extremely tired and baby is in a long deep sleep anyway.
For normal snoozing, sleeping when baby sleeps (so being over tired is prevented).
Then;
I had heating on so room is perfect temperature, my quilt no higher than waist level, I kept that cause I like wrapping my legs and feet in it, lol.
Then I used a baby blanket to share with baby for upper body, the one with holes in.
I had baby sleep with his head to top of bed and I shifted down a bit when sleeping so my elbows couldn't knock him in the night.
I would pull him down when breastfeeding then pop him back up higher again when he'd passed out and I was ready to deep sleep.
Have bed next to wall and baby next to wall.
I didn't let big oaflike husband next to newborn to sleep as I didn't believe he had same instincts and light sleeping sensitivity to baby as me.

I sleep with a pillow put I never considered that it could move and smother baby. Worst case scenario, I'd sew it to the bed??

We co-sleep as it's the only way I can get some sleep as I exclusively BF for 6 months and still BFing.
It's not very comfy but all of us get some sleep!

Here's the answers to your questions:

• I sleep on a pillow in the middle of the bed. Baby's between me and the cot (I use it as a bed guard. No space btw our bed and the cot)

my pillow is folded in two so it's away from DS.

• we use a duvet cover and a blanket to cover ourselves. No duvet, of course. We bought a small electric radiator and use that if it gets too cold. We hardly ever use it, though. There's all 3 of us in bed so we keep each other warm

• no. You can use a bed guard.

Also, we invested on a king size bed and an ultra comfy, high quality matress just before I got pregnant. So there's just enough space for me and DH while DS sleeps comfortably

one more thing: we started co-sleeping after my midwife said it's ok to do so as long as we follow the safety guidance. We only co-sleep at night, in our bed. Not on the sofa etc during the day.

hi my DD is 3 weeks, we have co-slept from birth, even in the hospital. I was absolutely terrified and racked with anxiety at first but I also so desperately wanted to do it that I read everything I could and went for it anyway. I love it now and feel loads more confident. My DD has a real 'presence' in the bed, it isn't like sleeping with a cuddly toy, she creates her own space for herself (admitedly, usually cuddled up against me!)

I have one pillow and DD sleeps cradled in my arm below the pillow. When she is in the middle of the bed, DP has two pillows but she isn't very near him and still in my arms so I know where she is. I tend to put her on whichever side of me she is going to feed off next to make things easier.

I use a feather duvet but just have it up to my waist area. She has a gro-bag and we sort of share a light blanket which goes over my upper body. Gradually I've got slightly more relaxed about the duvet thing and she sometimes might end up with the duvet over her lower body but never up round her face.

I use a bed guard on my side rather than have the bed against the wall.

We have a regular size bed and a memory-foam mattress topper - there is plenty of room for all of us.

Congratulations!
I am not fan of co sleeping per se as I just don't sleep well like that, but in the first week it was easiest for both DDs and they both sleep brilliantly in their own beds now.
What I noticed was that they would only go in their cot when completely ready to go to sleep, so if I fed and changed (or vice versa) and then put down and they cried immediately I'd offer more milk or get a burp up and then try again. if I was too tired to wait for them to finish feeding then I would bring them into bed with me. Last thing at night both babies fed almost continuously from 7 til about 11 so I used this as a chance to watch crap telly (trying to impose a bed time at 3 days old just isn't worth the headache)- this only lasted a week or so and was worth bearing with them as they both started sleeping through early on.
There was no chance of my babies rolling off the bed (my bed not against the wall I'd be more afraid of crushing that way!) and they would be wrapped in their blankets and I'd wear pyjamas and a cardigan and wrap the duvet round me so there was no chance of it going on them.
In truth my DD2 of 21 weeks does still come into our bed for late night feeds, but I try to stay awake and put her back to her cot with no fuss at all.

i'm sorry to disagree but i have to say i don't think co sleeping is safe, when dd was two weeks old she came into the bed late at night to be fed and i fell asleep and woke up later to the alarm clock to literally catch her falling off the bed, if the alarm didn't go off she would have fallen! (she was still asleep)

also when i was a baby my dad almost smothered me by rolling onto me so it does happen and especially when you are so tired with a newborn would you really trust yourself?

there are cots that you can take the side off and push right up against your bed so that she is next to you but you can't roll into her cot, i would say thats a good alternative

Oh, if you noticed the contradiction of sleeping through and yet currently still having night feeds, that only restarted again at about 16 weeks. From 6 weeks to about 16 weeks I had amazing uninterrupted sleep - bliss!

DS wouldn't be put down at all for about six weeks. I was worried about co-sleeping when he was tiny so we got a bedside crib, which meant that I couldn't roll onto him and he couldn't fall, and within two nights he became the most amazing sleeper and we've never looked back. It took a bit longer to get him to sleep in a crib or moses basket during the day - mostly I just let him sleep on me or in a wrap, but if I had to put him down I warmed the surface first with a hot water bottle, just for a couple of minutes, and we discovered that leaving the hoover runnign next to his moses basket would send him to sleep instantly. Not the most practical solution at 4 in the morning but worth a try for nipping to the loo!

I remember how exhausting those endless early days and nights were though, having to hold him all the time. You really do have my sympathies. He's still adjusting to being out in the big scary world after being safe inside you for as long as he can remember, but 'this too shall pass'!

OP - can your DH help? I have never been happy with co-sleeping myself (nothing against it generally but just couldn't sleep a wink with baby next to me!). However, in the first week or two of both DCs lives, they slept on DH. Somehow he managed to sleep whilst holding them safely on the side of his chest (on the outside side of the bed to my , but DH was always 100% sure they were safe and they were!). I think it is also worked well cos they knew they weren't going to get anymore milk out of DH !

After a week or so, once they had got accustomed enough to the world, they went into the moses basket with a bit of encouragement (swaddling, cuddling, and then into warm moses basket, ssshhhing and head stroking etc etc).

I am quite a hardcore parent with regards to routine, sleeping in cot etc etc. But even I believe that it is such a shock for a newborn to be out in the cold wide world, rather than inside a lovely warm mummy, that they just need to be eased into it gently. One of the best things about having your second child is that you realise that nothing lasts forever. The first 6 weeks is all about survival!!!! Good luck!