When you praise the effort and not the result, what are the EXACT words you use?

[MaMight]

I love the idea of praising effort rather than results or innate ability, but whenever I try to do this I sound clunky and fasle.

If you do this, can you please give me examples of the exact wording you might use?

I'm hoping someone will say something I'm comfortable copying and then gradually it will come more naturally.

Just be really specific. It depends on activity you want to praise. EG if you asked your child to tidy their room and they made an effort but it's still not tidy, just focus on what they have done, eg I can see a lot more carpet now! Thank you, I'm much less likely to break my neck on the way to your bed. Now, how about putting this lego in the box?

"I could see you tried really hard there, well done you"

"You behaved really well today when we went to XYZ, thank you for being so good"

Something along the lines of "good boy for trying", (when failing miserably at toilet training), or, well done for trying hard, that type of thing??

"Wow, you worked SO hard on that, didn't you? Are you feeling proud of yourself?"

"I love the colours you used for your picture, it makes it so bright"

"It doesn't matter that you didn't get it right this time. We can't all get things right straight away, that's how we learn - from our mistakes"

Have also realised that DS (3.4) doesnt understand the concept of me being proud of him, so I used to say I am really proud of you for behaving well (or whatever), now I say "you behaves really well today, that makes me very happy", tis lovely as he totally beams at the praise.

Thank you for replies.

I do praise specifics, so to use Bernard's example I would say "I like that you did the car a bright red colour" and not just "Well done". Is that praising effort then?

I say "I noticed that you answered politely at X's house today and that was really good, well done". Is that praising effort?

What about "I can see that you tried to stay inside the lines" - because to me that sounds like "you coloured outside the lines" and I probably wouldn't say it.

Maybe you are over-thinking it a bit, I think your child will be happy to have any positive comments from you, and a lot comes from your general tone and demeanour, rather than words spoken, so if you said he had tried to stay within the lines, I dont think he would go away and think that through and take it as critism that he hadnt stayed in the linesIYSWIM??

I think, yes, that's not just praising effort it's acknowledging it

Oh great thread. Like OP I'm also stuck on how to praise effort instead of jsut results, esp when DS is very pleased with his achievments.

Eg when he finally manages to climb onto the sofa by himself he goes 'hurrah' and I usually say 'yeah you did it!' .

or if he gets a jigsaw peice in the right place after trying for ages, again i say 'yay well done!'

Not quite sure how to praise the the effort without taking away his joy of the result though. 'Yea good effort' seems a bit stingy, any ideas?

I echo finding specific things to praise, with dd1 it's usually stuff like "wow, there's a lot of detail in that picture/you worked really hard/concentrated well/thought it through" etc.

Indigo, I'd probably be saying stuff like "that's it, keep trying, keep going" etc