Am I right to refuse to serve breakfast before 7am?

[mummyof2byapril]

I'm not strict at all really with my just turned 3 yr old.
But lately he's started to get up at 5-5.30 AM (I would naturally wake up at 8am otherwise).
He goes 'get up mummy' and rips the blanket off me, I can lay there while he starts having a tantrum or I can just get up.
At first I dragged myself up, got him breakfast, put his cartoons on and lay on the sofa in hope of a snooze, but I found I was getting him yogarts and drinks every 10 minutes when he asked just to keep him quiet, he had 5 yogarts in one morning!
This morning I was so exhausted I said 'NO food before 7 o clock'
he had a good scream and I felt bad because he was probably hungry.
But I don't want to encourage him to get up so early by giving him everything.
So I'm thinking I'll take him downstairs, put Cbeebies on, but he can stay hungry until 7am to serve him right for getting up too early.
Is this okay? I'm so exhaustic, I'm 8 months pregnant too, it's like he controls everything.

3 yr olds are hard going.
I also have one and am pg, so sympathise.

Ds went through a phase of getting up at silly o'clock and tantruming. Like you, one of us would get up and put Cbeebies on and doze a bit on the couch so at least one of us could get peace.

Give him a few things to eat and drink and tell him that is it until breakfast time. I found teaching ds what 7 am looks like on the clock helped - he thinks he is so grown up! He still comes through about 6.30, but gets into bed and waits until the 7 appears.

Hoepfully this phase will pass for you. My ds did his early rising when I was very ill in early pg and his routine was all over the place. Your wee one knows his life is about to change and is worries about it. They just have an annoying way of showing it! Once the baby comes adn he sees it si not a challenge to him, he will probalby settle.

I wouldnt get up with him at 5.30am in the first place!! Have you tried using something that indicates when he is allowed to come into your room e.g. groclock, bunny clock, lights on a timer, digital clock, etc? When dd was early waking I set up fairy lights on a timer and gradually set it later and later until it was at 7pm (started at 6am and moved in 10 minute increments). There were a few times she came through early but she was put back in her room and told not to come back until her 'fairies' were awake. When she got older we replaced them with a digital clock and she could come through when the first number said 7am. DS is 3 and also has a digital clock in his room (it has been there since around 2 1/2). He also knows he has to wait until it says 7:00 before he can come through.

Yanbu for being knackered at 8mos pg but he is nbu for being hungry before 7am. His behaviour isn't likely to improve if he is hungry.

Any chance you could lay out some breakfasty things for him to snack on - a sort of pre-breakfast snack (I dunno, raisins, oatcakes, grapes a lidded drink). He could get some (unbreakable and no disaster if spilled) things from the kitchen, "set the table" and feed himself. He would probably enjoy the autonomy and you could build on it when you are even busier once the baby arrives. plus it will give him some "big important boy" status if he feels jealous of your newborn

I really don't know what is the difference between waking up too early or going to bed too late at night.

If this was happening at night, you will be taking your son back to bed, tell him is sleep time, perhaps giving him a glass of milk, and repeat if he comes out of bed again.

I think something similar should be done in the morning. But ensure that he has a good dinner to rule out he is waking up because he is hungry. If that doesn't work, perhaps putting him to bed a bit later may do the trick.

Some of us are just early risers! I'd be happy to get up at 5.30 but would need breakfast immediately, cos that's what I have to do in the morning.

I think he's old enough to go and put the tv on and collect his breakfast-to-go that you've put out for him the night before.

At 8 months pg with a 3 yr old you have every right to be exhausted all the time, but some of us need to eat earlier than others. If you can set him up to be content ntil the rest of the family gets up, you'll get more sleep (though probably not as much as a pg mum needs!)

i had to do this with DD1 - she was wanting b'fast by 5.30am and it was killing me. Now aged 5 she isn't allowed UP until the clock says 7.01

what time does he have tea? try giving him supper just before bed. something v filling so he doesn't wake genuinely hungry. If he is having tea at 4pm then yes by 5am he will be starving.

We have tea around 5-6, we'll snack about 8 too.
He goes to sleep about 9pm at the same time as me.
I can't believe he can get up at 5am after just 9 hours sleep, surely that isn't normal (no day naps).
It's ridiculous.
There is no rest of the family, I wish there was so I could ask them to take over for an hour or so while I snooze, but it's just me and him. I don't think I could sleep with him going downstairs alone.

I think I may get a clock, try to explain 7am to him, and refuse to get up then.
I have refused to get up before and had him tantruming on and off for an hour and a half.
I was so incredibly stressed that going to lay on the couch while he watched cbeebies seemed easier.
Maybe I should get a TV in the room for him to put his 'in the night garden' dvd on.
But that idea was met with critisism by a (childless) friend, terrible for a 3yr old to have a TV apparently.
sigh

Just to correct myslef, he goes sleep at 8-9pm, wakes up at 5-6am
Occasionally passes out while tantruming in the day.
For example the other day he was screaming on the kitchen floor for a good 15 minutes over something or other, then when I checked on him he was snoring..
rolls eyes

oh it is hard at that age but will get easier.
this clock genuinely sorted DD1 out but she was a bit older when i got it. (FF0907 gives 15% off at this site if that is helpful!)

does he seem tired in the day? he might sleep longer/later if he goes to bed earlier, that seems late to me for a just 3 year old. can you wear him out physically at the park? is he still in the buggy?

re the dvd in his room, at 8 months pg and on your own i would say do what you need to do to get some sleep! you can sort it out later.

I think 9pm is too late at this stage - that doesn't seem enough sleep for a 3 year old - does he still have a nao in the afternoon? My 3 year old sleeps 7.30pm to 7am, odd occasion waking up early, we have a walking bunny clock which she sometimes disregards.

Sometimes putting them to bed earlier makes them wake up later - strange but true.

I would do breakfast at 7am at earliest - his body has learnt to be hungry at 5am it will reset itself too. You are rewarding him for getting up. I would put telly on and go back to your room so he has no attention from you. If he tantrums let him.

My 3yo dd doesnt sleep long either (and suffers from night terrors so wakes in the night aas well).

I really do sympathise but he could be waking because of his hunger so refusing to feed him isnt fair. A yoghurt wont fill him up so if you want a doze on the sofa, I would try giving him something a bit more substantial (a bowl of cereal and a banana is easy) and plonk him in front of the telly for a bit.

I dont think there's anything wrong with him having a telly in his room if it lets you get a bit more sleep. If you are happier, he will be too.

And never, ever take advice from childless friends!

i do agree with the "don't reward him for getting up" - no attention from you etc... you have to judge yourself if he is hungry or not. i would try offering a banana, most kids will take it if they are v hungry but not if they are not. (maybe that is just mine). some warm milk and back to bed. i hesitate writing that as i was giving milk in bed to DD2 when she was 3 and it was just a habit, and got earlier and earlier - 3am at one point, but after DD1 and her 5am starts i couldn't face going through it again with DD2. it seemed easier to be up for a couple of minutes at 3am then to start my day at 5am every day.

do whatever works for you and don't discuss with childless friends! they have been watching too much super nanny.

He's never slept much, doesn't usually nap in the day, occasionally does.

I'm terrified that if I put him to bed earlier he will wake up earlier!
Seeing that he only sleeps 9 hours 10 on a good night. If I put him to bed at 7pm, he'd be up at 4-5am if my logic serves me right?

honestly try it, i bet he won't

even now if DD1 goes to bed late (she is 5) she still wakes up early and gets up at 7.01 (when she is allowed). some kids are just like that.

if he is tired in the day he will sleep more.

Oh this is all such a mess.
He sleeps WITH me too.
I have his bedroom ready for him with a stairgate and all.
Maybe it's time to go cold turkey, put him in his own bed and refuse to open the stairgate on his door untill 7am.
MAybe leave a banana in his room and with the knowledge of how to press on and play on a kid's tv+dvd player...

Oh wait, to add to my previous post I can't make him go inhis own room at this point in time as he'll think new baby will be replacing him and get jealous..
omg i'm so tired

ok get him in his own room before baby arrives or you are in for a big shocker!

make a special event out of his new room

don't leave the banana or show him how to do the DVD - he'll never go to sleep. when he wakes show him the clock and say "shhhh back to sleep" - treat it like it is 3am.

if he says he's hungry bring in the banana - let him have it, IN BED, limit eye contact etc... back to sleep, shhhh shhhh, back to sleep.

if he just won't then put a DVD on for him but tuck him up and you go back to bed. i konw it means you getting up but you'll be able to go back and it might just start getting later and later.

is his room dark? blackout blinds really do work. is anything waking him up at 5am? heating coming on? is he cosy? i find a cool room and cosy pjs/duvet get them sleeping well.

GOOD LUCK and stay strong!

no you can get him into his room now before baby is here. it'll be a nightmare later. do it TONIGHT!

I agree with amidaiwish, putting him to bed earlier (say 7pm) does not mean he'll wake 2 hours earlier, certainly if my experience with ds is anything to go by. It doesn't matter how late he stays up he will still wake at 6am. I also think you should try to get a routine of getting him to bed earlier now so that you have a little more time in the evening for when the new baby comes along.

Okay, right now DS sleeps wonderfully from 8-9 to 5-6 and so do i.
The last thing I want is to give myself more greif by having him screaming all night by being in a different room at night for the first time in his life.
I couldn't cope with him getting up during the nigh AND getting up so early.
He can stay in my bed so I don't add to problems.

I will try us going to bed earlier though, there's no way he'll go to bed without me, so it means me having to go to bed early too, but I take laptop with me anyway so I can browse for a bit when he drops off.
I'll make sure he's eaten well and get us to bed a 7.30am and see where that takes us.

If he starts waking up even earlier I'll be back here after some heads for that advice!
:-p

7.30pm!*
From tonight..

Has anyone noticed that when you eat before bed you can wake up starving though? That seems to happen to me, hmm

You have my sympathies - I'm not a morning person either, but with 3y DD and 5 month DS 7am is a lie in! However I would echo the others that it might be an idea to try moving DS to his own room before the baby arrives. Not only might it be harder afterwards, but also newborns are not known for their ability to sleep well at night (my DS took 8 weeks to learn night from day), which might mean your DS will have even more disturbed sleep.

Also I'm rather of the camp of no food before 7, because I believe it will just encourage them to wake earlier by tuning their boy to expect food at that time. Maybe a cup of milk if he is waking early, but not solids.

The earlier bedtime not causing earlier waking is definately one of those strange but true facts. In fact I have found the more sleep they have the better the sleep they have at night. So good luck with trying that earlier bedtime, just a shame you need to curtail your evening too - can you just lay with him until he's asleep?

Finally I'd be reluctant to have a TV in the bedroom. I like to think of bedrooms as being quiet, calm, non-distracting places mainly for sleep. This goes for adults too. Having lots of technology - TVs, mobiles, laptops in the bedroom means you have no sanctuary and the mind cannot switch off.

Really hope you find some solutions that work for you soon. The 2 kids dynamic can be really challenging so I sympathise that sometimes you have to do less than ideal things just to make it work (I use far too much Cbeebies in the day for example )

Thank you everyone for all your help :-)