when do you let your kid go to a friends house without you?

[Anabellesmumanddad]

Hi all
I have a question regarding play-dates. My dd is 3.5 years old and I think she is popular at her day care. Today another parent asked if my dd could come over after school one day. She offered to pick dd up after school, take her to her house for play and then would drop her off at my home later that evening.
I can't help but feel uneasy but I don't know if I am being paranoid. I have only met this mother a few times at birthday parties. She seems nice but I don't really know her or anything about her. Am I being over protective if I don't let my dd go to her house?
How young is too young? When (and how) do I start trusting 'strangers'? and under what circumstances??

Help!

I was going to say reception! It's got to be up to you and how you feel I think. My dd2 did go to other people's houses without me when she was two but only the neighbours who she and I knew well. My niece has just turned 4 and her dd asked a friend back after nursery and her Mum came too which my sister hadn't been expecting, but my niece is a second child so my sister is more used to friends coming over without their parents.

I think at that age, I'd expect to go with her, at least for the first visit. Do you think your DD would be OK? If you're not happy, you don't have to let her go... just say to the mum that you don't think she'd settle without you, so perhaps you could come round with her?

At that age my DS1 was going to friends houses without me, but they were usually close friends I knew well, and he'd already been visiting them for years with me.

Too young I think unless I knew the family VERY well. I agree I would expect unaccompanied playdates to start happening from reception. Until then I would expect to stay with her.

I would do as Fourarms suggests and offer to go with her as she's never done this before and you don't think/not sure if she'll settle. It'll give you an opportunity to get to know the other mum too - maybe you will both make a friend

Thanks all! I was also thinking I would counter offer to have the mum and daughter over or go over on the weekend sometime. While I think my dd would 'settle', it wouldn't take much for her to feel very upset and then to be in a strange place with strangers would be very hard. I coincidentally am not available tomorrow night so I'll make the weekend offer. Thanks!!!

Once dd was at school she went for play dates on her own, so from 4y5m.

Before that I went with her If I didn't know parents, was usually at park, etc.

If she did go with out me it was to a friends where we knew the parents very well.

I have let my DS go on playdates at his friends houses (he is in nursery, pre-reception year) - although I have vaguely known the other parents and i have asked him whether he wants me to stay.

If you are not 100% comfortable go with the first time to get to know the mum.

as often as possible

I would say age 4-5 (reception) would be the youngest I would feel comfortable with and only if my son was happy with it and I knew a bit about the family. I may want to go with him on first visit.

I think 3.5 is a bit young to be honest.

DD1 went on her first playdate at 3.5 to a friend I know from school, and who lives all of 50m from me. I had had her DD round the week before on her own as my friends DD1 was not well so it was more 'babysitting' than play date IYSWIM.
With anyone else I will be waiting until reception.

You have met this woman a few times. Do you trust her to look after your child? I wouldn't.

I have had my friends son to visit without his mum. He is 18 months, but we are good pals, have been for some time. Met at breastfeeding group.

I recommend you accept but say that you want to come too. That's what I would do if someone I didn't know well wanted to borrow my 3 and a half year old.

But what exactly are you worried about? What do you think might happen to your child at her house? What would you want to know about her that would make you feel more at ease? Personally, if your dd is happy to go I would let her go. Obviously give the mother all your phone numbers so she can phone you if all is not well.

I would personally probably feel like it's a bit young to to the house of someone I barely know, but my DS is only 15mo so might just be an over protective parent myself.

My DS has spent plenty of time at other people's houses without me, but they're mums I was pregnant with and we look after each other's children frequently, and I count them as close friends

How do you think your daughter would feel about it? At that age my children would not have been happy to go to a friend's house if they didn't also know the parents very well. So I wouldn't have let them. But if I'd have thought they would have fun, I would - I wouldn't have an issue with trusting the parents.

I was going to say as soon as someone else is prepared to have them!