I need help with 4 year old

[rearfacingcarseats5timessafer]

Posted this in b/d as well
I was called in at the end of school today, to be told that DS had been really disruptive at school today.

He was copying all the other kids and then taking it to a new high of silliness.

Even when sent out to sit on his own he was make faces though the door.

He is only just 4 he has an August birthday, up untill he started school he still had a two hour morning sleep!!!!

I dont want to use his age or the fact that he is very silly and can be hard to control when he is tied, but it is a little of the problem.

He goes to bed at 6 30, and is in bed now having been told of for his behaviour.

I just dont know how to make him less tied, or get him to be himself and stop coping other people, ( he has copied other people all his life, he copied the dog until his baby sister came along )

I have found this very upsetting, Iam pregnant at the moment and very hormonal, and i need some level headed advice on what to do, as all i feel like doing is crying at everything

please

Don't want this to go unanswered but I'm afraid I have no experience of this - but it does sound as if school is a bit much for him. 4 is so young especially for some boys who really don't seem ready for school at that age. Can he be taken out and start a bit later?

It sounds as if it's really upsetting you so it might also help to talk to Parentline (they were brilliant when DS's tantrums were driving me insane - not that this is the same thing but they are amazingly supportive).

I didn't want this to go unanswered.

Firstly, it's far from being the end of the world. What did the teacher have to say? If they didn't have anything much constructive to say and/or you were too emotional to remember what was said, IIWY I would put a note in his home-school book (or in his book bag if you don't have one) to the effect that you are taking it seriously and would like to discuss with the teacher consistent strategies to deal with this behaviour. I would guess at this stage the teacher just needs to know that you are going to work with them.

Sorry I can't come up with specific strategies - my DS appears to have hit the 'silly' stage at 7 instead, where there are more sanctions (withdrawal of TV, wii, etc) that I can use - at 4 my only resort would have been the "I'm very disappointed in you" talk...

My daughter is exactly the same. She is a july baby and so also one of the youngest in her class. She finds it very difficult to sit still on the carpet and copies other disruptive children. She grins at the teacher when she gets told off! I find it hard to deal with too. One half of me is cross with my daughter for not toeing the line and the other half is horrified that they are trying to break her spirit at age 4.5!!

I have read a book called The Wildest Colts Make the Best Horses (even the title made me feel better!), and although it goes to extremes and is really about ADHD it has made me realise that my daughter is normal and that it is not necessarily normal to expect at 4 year to sit quietly!

It is tricky to deal with though if the school sees it as being a very negative thing. My daughter sits on a coloured spot which helps and other children are allowed to hold a toy to help them concentrate. Being allowed to perform a special task or play with a special toy if she does sit quietly works for her too. Maybe you could suggest them at your school.

I just make sure I let my daughter know that i love her and that as long as she is trying her best that is ok with me.

Love the sugar chair!!!

Thanks for your replies, I have made him a pot with 5 piece of pasta in and have explained that i will take one out if he is silly and put 1 in when he is good, and if there is 5 piece at the end of the day he will get a toy back.

He has no idea why he was silly at school today, but i am hoping that a good nights sleep will help ( he was sent to bed 30 mins ago)

Don't know why Iam sooooo upset about it, or finding it so hard, but mumsnet always helps!!

My son is 4 as well, a May baby, and I do feel for you. Try not to get upset he is only 4 and I think they expect too much of them at this age.

In Sweden they don't start school until they are 6 or 7 apparently which makes a lot of sense to me!

My oldest son (6) had problems verging on learning difficulties when he was in reception although was on the whole well behaved. That was a real trial but has now got better.

Now his little brother is mucking about, joining in with all the other silly boys and generally giving them (and me) a headache. The other day his teacher finished telling me how naughty he had been and ended with 'it's a real shame as academically he is in my top group' - well what good is that is he won't behave!?

Feel like crying sometimes (and I do!) but I tell myself it will blow over and it is just a case of him learning what is and isn't acceptable behaviour.

I made him a star chart where if he is good in the week he gets a packet of football cards or some chocolate on a friday.

You're not alone!!

My DD was 4 in July so is also one of the youngest in her reception class. Her teacher has spoken to me a few times about her behaviour, and has spoken to the SENCO with a view to raising it at the next planning meeting. Like you, I'm upset about it and I think a large part of it is due to DD's age.

DD's teacher is being very sensible about implementing strategies and discussing them with me. DD has a home-school diary which she sees the teacher writing in each day, and which I look at when we get home. She gets smiley faces for good behaviour and sad faces for bad behaviour. The teacher and I have also discussed in detail the sort of language they are using (generally about making choices, and about consequences) and we are making sure we are consistent with each other.

It's helped that DD can see that the teacher and I are working together, and that she can't hide the dreadful truth from me! Before she had the diary, she wouldn't tell me about how the day had gone.

I think the way the teacher is looking at her behaviour is to try to identify what triggers a bout of bad behaviour, what helps her in dealing with it, and how the behaviour can be prevented.

If all your DS's teacher is doing is complaining about the behaviour, that's not very helpful for you. She needs to meet with you, go through specific examples (they'll have a note of them) and talk about detailed strategies for dealing with them. They should be looking for what triggers the behaviour they are concerned about.

Being pregnant doesn't help either! I have 2 older children and a 20-month old and this is sometimes more than I can cope with.

As a teacher myself I would recommend discussing a sticker chart with the teacher where each part of the day is rewarded with a sticker. He can then bring it home at the end of the week to show how well he has behaved. The teacher also needs to sit down with him- preferably with you there too and discuss exactly what is expected in order to earn the session's sticker. Maybe there could be a certificate for so many stickers in a week? As you said he is only 4 and boys do prefer to run about and make noise at this age, there must be opportunities for him to do this in his day.