Not sure about this creche, WWYD?

[BertieBotts]

I am starting my training to become a breastfeeding peer supporter tomorrow. When I originally signed up DS was a lot younger and I was told that for some sessions there would be a creche and for others we would be able to have our children in the room with us.

Anyway the training date and venue etc seem to have been very hurriedly arranged in the last couple of weeks and I have now been told that there will be a creche, which I thought was fine and then I realised that it wasn't as I thought it would be - I know this is silly but for some reason I thought it would be in an adjoining room and that the people running the creche would be children's centre staff who DS at least knows, but now I have been told today that it will be a room nearby but along a corridor, and that it will be agency staff running the creche. I am now feeling very worried about it, because DS is not used to being left, it's a new place for him, and he (and I) won't know the staff at all.

I asked if I could get there early to settle him in and I was told no, but I will have 5-10 minutes to settle him in anyway. I don't feel this is long enough. I know he needs to get used to being left at some point but I feel he is very young still (16 months) and to suddenly be left in a strange place with strange people with hardly any time to settle in I feel is too much in one go. I have recently (2-3 months ago) separated from his Dad as well and he has had a bit of trouble getting used to going off with him without me, so I don't want to upset him again - it's just bad timing.

I am not sure what to do now - I am going to ring around friends, family etc to see whether anyone can have him but I am annoyed at myself for not thinking this through before as I am seriously considering not doing the course now, which would be a shame because I have been looking forward to it for a long time, and also I think that the centre might lose money over it if they have already paid for my teaching and DS' place in the creche.

bump

I would leave him in the creche without a backwards glance, he's 16 months, not 16 days. He'll be fine. The staff will know what to do, and if they don't, and there's a problem, one of them will pick him up, walk up the corridor and fetch you.

I would be OK, he is only down the corridor and they know what they are doing.

hello not sure i will be of any help but wanted to reply anyway
i would not be happy at this age either leaving my ds with strangers. although everyone is a stranger to begin with and some people may say that its easier when they are young to start the transition. i think its absolutely disgraceful that they are not helping you support your sons settling in process, especially at this difficult time. after all they are in the care set arnt they?!
is it an option to take him for a session before you start your course?

Another MNer and are on a peer support course at the moment. The creche is in the same building and also run by agency staff. It has been fine. The first week almost all of them cried but we were always popping over and reporting back to each other who was crying and most of us had asked the staff to bring the children through if they were upset and they have been fine doing it. Afterthe second week though they all got used to it and were happy. The younger ones often come in to the room for a feed and cuddle half way through but nobody minds, you are all bf mums so you will all be feeling the same!

been there, done it and the child was fine. he howled the first week and came into the class room after about 30 mins. 2nd week he howled and was distractable but fragile. 3rd week he howled but was fine after 10 mins, 4th week he howled until I'd left the room ... see where this is going? He howled for 8 of the 10 drop offs. When he started

The "agency" staff were all childminders used to this age group and were fine, the same staff each week.
mid way through the training session ( so after an hour) we had a "tea break" and those that wished to would pop alomg teh corridor and either go in to see child or pear through the door window. staff would come to get the mum of any child who was upset and not distractable.

Thanks, it is helpful to know that they would be likely to come and get me if he was inconsolable, though I am still not happy at the thought of him being inconsolable for half an hour before they would bring him through. It would put my mind at rest if I could at least meet the people beforehand and talk to them, because I don't know what their policy etc is.

Pinchme no it isn't an option to take him for a session before, because it's not a regular creche, it's being put on specifically for the course if that makes sense.

I still don't know what to do. I have been really upset about it TBH because on the one hand I don't think it's worth the upset it will cause DS if he isn't settled there, and I can always do the course another time, but OTOH this is the first thing I have done for me in about 2 or 3 years and the thought of not doing it is like a child being told that their trip to Disneyland has been cancelled. But I know I won't concentrate properly if I think DS is unhappy, so it might be best to just leave it. I might take him and see how he reacts/what the setup is like/what the other parents are like (I remember chatting to one other mum on the course when our two were 8 months and she was reluctant about leaving her DS too, but of course that was a while ago now) - I just don't know what would happen if I decided I wanted to take him out.

talk to the staff on that first morning, set your own time limit for being fetched. personally I was happy with 30 mins as I knew DS would howl untill they got him into something he liked, but it might take a bit as they didn't yet know him.

Incidently- do send your child with a favourite cuddly/ rag/ soother or whatever helps them to feel secure and reminded of you.

I would agree 5 or 10 mins is not long for settling in a 16 month old
But you want to go, you are looking forward to it, it's a useful thing to do. I would give it a go.

Thanks Uni - yes I am sure they will be helpful and used to dealing with anxious children (and mothers!!) - he doesn't have any kind of comfort thing though, he just uses me for comfort mainly (I am still bf) I was thinking though of taking his favourite book so that it is something familiar they can do with him, as long as it isn't likely to get trashed by the other children.

fav book is good idea, unlikely to get mashed, other kids will be similar ages .

the 10 mins settle in on teh first morning will be stretchy... there is bound to be paperwork to do - registering your son, listing his likes/ dislikes/ emergency contact detail etc and a policy booklet to hand over to you.

If your course is run like mine was, there may be space and a few toys in the class room for a child or two so those who only cope for a short period of chreche will come in and you don't have to miss much of the talk.. non mobile babies may well be in with you anyway.

Good luck with the course, I hope you can complete and find a niche as a peer supporter. I appricated the help I had from PSs when my lad was tiny and then trained & volunteered as a PS for nearly 2 years .

Thanks Uni for the extra info. I took him in in the end and tried it, he cried for the first 15-20 minutes at which point I went in to him, stayed with him another 15 mins then they said "You can bring him in here you know" so I brought him into the course room, luckily he sat on my lap and looked at his book quietly - so all worked out well. Have spoken to my mum and she can have him next week which will be a load off my mind, I didn't feel I could concentrate when I knew he was upset or when I had him there with me.