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Parenting

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Original poster

I really need some help - my lack of patience is damaging my 3 year old

13 replies

MrsTriangle · 22/02/2010 21:18

Every day I wake up and think that today will be different. DD is 3 and gorgeous and sensitive and generally a really lovely girl. We also have an 18 month old.

The problem is me.

Everything irritates me - all the up and downing and not being able to finish / do something without interruption, the taking of toys from the younger one and the constant repetitive questioning etc etc. All normal 3 year old stuff. I feel as if I'm talking to a broken record and I just can't seem to pick my battles. I can't stop picking her up on everything. I just can't chill. I'm turning in to my mother and that is a disaster. I really need some help. etc.

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ppeatfruit · 23/02/2010 09:28

dear mrs. triangle I'm sorry you feel bad; but you're not a bad mum 'cos you are self aware .A lot of mum's don't realise that they're impatient.

Do you sleep okay? Maybe St. john's wort could help you relax and go with the flow.

Does DD go to nursery or playgroup? that would give you the break you need. IF there's someone who could take the little one you could have some real one to one time with her (take HER out).

Just a few ideas. Lots of luck

Tigerlily1 · 23/02/2010 09:42

I'm exactly the same with my 3yr old ds. It is awful isn't it? I feel very guilty about it. I get hardly any sleep because of 3mth old so am extra irritable too. I get sick of the sound of my own voice telling him off.
A lot of it boils down to tiredness. Are you getting much sleep?
I think being a mum is the most challenging job in the world and you are obviously a good mum because you care about the way you are behaving. As ppeatfruit says, self awareness is very important.
My mum is a snapper and I remember nothing but shouting and raised shrieks from my childhood so it worries me that I'm being like that too. Again, the difference is awareness-my mum thinks she's talking quietly when in fact she is shrieking. I have also talked to hv about it, maybe you could try that?
Good luck with it

LaDiDaDi · 23/02/2010 09:45

I'm just the same and equally terrified of being to my dd the parent that my mother was to me (though she is a fab gm ).

Some days here are great, others are awful. Dp tells me that I'm a good mummy but I don't agree.

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Tigerlily1 · 23/02/2010 10:15

Scary isn't it, when you say something and hear your mum?! Hate it.

I think in general the advice is to get as much sleep as poss and vary the things you do, always try and get out every day etc.

With that in mind, I'd better be off...;)

witchwithallthetrimmings · 23/02/2010 10:28

I think what helps is trying to do less. Leave any chore that they cannot help with until the evening, have cooked lunch but only sandwiches for tea etc. Often it really helps to go out (or have a friend round) as it forces you to do nothing but be with your dcs and you don't see the big pile of washing to be put away or the lego under the sofa

LaDiDaDi · 23/02/2010 11:15

I agree with going out a lot! I try to plan my week in advance so that I have afternoon outings organised. It's dull rainy days cooped up at home that are the worst, hoping that Spring will help me be a better mummy.

toodleypip · 23/02/2010 11:20

You sound the same as me about a year ago! I posted on a mums site and just writing it down, and reading replies that said I'm not the only one really helped me to do something about it.

It was like I'd get more frustrated and irrational with each little irritation, rather than addressing each one for what they were if you see what I mean?

I also began to see DD becoming impatient and snapping at her toys! It magnified to me that she will learn everything she knows from me, and if I want her to be nice to others I have to be nice to her really.

Not to say I don't still snap on occasion, but I tend to rant to myself more than at her. I hate that part of my personality, I wish I was Mrs Calm & Serene, but I just tried to take a deep breath and force yourself to be more patient and eventually, I didn't have to try anymore.

(have just found out I'm expecting #2 which was a bit out of the blue, so I dare say I'll be here next year asking you how you dealt with it!)

Othersideofthechannel · 23/02/2010 11:25

Other than those mentioned above, my survival techniques were:

Put on a DVD for the older one while the little one is napping and take some time for myself.

Using a kitchen timer which rings so that I got 15 minutes uninterrupted (except for toilet needs) and then we would do something fun together

Introducing DS to lots of different styles to music. Listening to music the only thing that stops him talking!

Original poster

MrsTriangle · 23/02/2010 20:40

Thank you so much for all your lovely replies. It really does help to know that I'm not the only one. It doesn't help that we've only dropped her nap in the last month or so and I am someone who really does need lots of down time generally. I try and set her up with things to do so I can shut down for a bit but it doesn't really work, then i resent having lost my recoop time.

I love the kitchen timer idea - that's very good

Yes - getting out definitely helps. I should do more of that. Bless her though, she always walks JUST infront of me and asks constant questions.

Toodleypip - you are so right.

I had a flash of inspiration today - perhaps if I break the day up in to segements in my mind and promise myself not to lose it, then I might actually mind it. e.g. before breakfast, between breakfast and leaving the house, between going out and getting home, between getting home and finishing lunch etc. It did actually work today as it stopped that build up. I will try again tomorrow and report back!

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Original poster

MrsTriangle · 23/02/2010 20:41

otherside - I put the DVD on but she watches it while doing other stuff that she wants to talk to me about / do with her. How do you stop that??

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Othersideofthechannel · 23/02/2010 20:45

I don't know. It has never been a problem here. We've always had limited screen time so they are still always obsessed by TV/DVD.

overmydeadbody · 23/02/2010 20:51

Lots of good advice already, I would just add that a coping mechanism I use when I am really stressed is to imagine that there is a camera in the room filming everything and how I am talking and reacting to the kids, and it just makes me more aware of thinking before I snap or lose my patience or dismiss them.

Another strategy I use is to pretend I am "Perfect Mum" and role play this role. The kids don;t know youre faking it and soon enough it stops being an act because you actually feel less stressed as a result.

Also, sometimes when I am getting really won
und up and irritated by a child I pretend that I am not and use my calmest nicest voice to interact with them and it helps disipate the tension I was feeling and then they stop being irritating and annoying! (for a little bit anyway )

overmydeadbody · 23/02/2010 20:55

MrsTriangle my DS is older but I have trained him (using a kitchen timer too!) to give me half an hour of peace as soon as I get home from work, and then after that he can come and talk and play around me, but I need that 30 minutes of peace first or I am stressed and snappy.

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