Live webchat with Tanya Byron about internet safety, Wed 24 Feb, 1pm

[GeraldineMumsnet]

We're very pleased that Tanya Byron is our guest again. She'll be online from 1pm - 2pm this Wednesday, 24 Feb.

Tanya is a practising consultant in child and adolescent mental health who has two children of her own. She's the author of three books and a well-known broadcaster.

Ahead of the chat, Tanya has sent us this to post on her behalf:

I really enjoyed my last webchat on Mumsnet and found the the questions and insights really interesting.

I have recently been asked by Gordon Brown to review internet safety since my Safer Children in a Digital World report (the Byron review) in 2008.

To ensure my review takes in parents' views, I'm really keen to get Mumsnetters' perspectives on both the opportunities that you think the internet gives your children and also the risks you've encountered.

I'd like to chat about anything to do with internet safety, but to get your thoughts flowing, a few starting points could be:

Is there enough information which is easily accessible about internet safety?

Where do you get your information and advice on internet safety?

How good are schools at educating children about internet safety?

What do you think about internet safety in the context of videogames, games consoles and mobile phones?

Look forward to chatting to you on the 24th!

When I write this, I want to populate it with quotations that will make Ministers take notice and inspire the UK Council for Child Internet Safety to press on with good policy work. It can be within the realm of the larger debate around pornography etc or other less dark or even humorous thoughts. Please free associate now!

I'd never heard of that campaign either.

13.39 Not never heard of it

LadyBlahBlah, you make such important points, how can I quote you succinctly in my report (that's if you're comfortable with me doing so)?

I have only heard the campaign on the radio, so haven't seen any images etc. I found the Click part more difficult to recall, but the Zip it, Block it, Flag it, part is very catchy and I think it would be likely to stay in people's minds. I think particularly useful for teenagers who are being cyber bullied and are unsure what to do. I still think tho that some would be scared to block people in case it made things worse (same with flagging it). Does your group help support people in this situation (i.e anonymously)?

I agree too, the internet is a fantastic resource, although I have been dwelling on the 'dark side' like LadyBlahBlah.

I've not heard of the click clever click safe or other campaign. I've heard of CEOPS thogh from my training course at work and have looked at some of their stuff - I've also directed a few other Mumsnetters to it as well when they've talked about a related subject. I think there needs to be more awareness raising of it and similar information sites.

If any of you can just search on "Click Clever Click Safe" and have a look at the information, will you tell me what you think? Thanks!

I once banned DD1 from using the computer - her attitude at home was getting quite unbelievable and I could see how being on MSN every night was affecting her...so I banned her for one week.

During that one week she went back to being a young girl again...her attitude towards the rest of us in this house changed, she became much more calm and even started to read, do puzzles, play with her sister, help around the house and she was never bored.

I'm glad I did it because it showed me just how damaging being on the internet can be but I also know how lovely it is for her to keep in touch with friends (from her old school especially) and also play games etc...hence why I restrict her...plus she knows if she steps out of line at home I
will pull the plug out the wall again...

Regarding pornography,boys bought the beautifully named dirty mags when I was 13. They bought them into school!!! It has always been done and still is though shop keepers are now less likely to sell them.

Do any of you have concerns about videogames?

Yes I've heard of it but would like to know much more.

It would be great if the Government helped us to help ourselves - give us a basic understanding of what the dangers are and how we can mitigate them where possible.

I think that people often know that something is worrying - but don't know how to block webpages or disable internet phone access and so on.

I think maybe there is a gap for protecting the 14 - 16 year age gap

whispywhisp I think your point very helpfully reminds us all that our kids time engaging with the digital world either via computer or videogame etc needs to be balanced against other activities. In effect we need to create a balanced media diet for our kids and also make sure outdoor play is at the very least equal to the amount of time playing indoors, especially in front of screens.

Looks good and makes sense. It IS what I have heard on the radio, and also seems to be the kind of approach the school is taking (particularly flagging stuff). I sort of assumed all schools were doing this now. Is this not the case? i.e, is it not something that forms a recommended part of the curriculum in IT?

I was just about to chime in and say that I would be far more concerned by my ds playing very violent video games than his reading mainstream pornography (of the type sold in newsagents).

I find the heavily edited TV adverts for video games distresssing enough.

Just seen booklet..will be printing that off for my daughter but wonder why she hasn't already got it from somewhere...it should have been compulsory!

Video games...we don't have them at all. Mine are 17 and 12. I don't know where they would find time to be playing the games unless they stopped talking to us and so that's why we don't have them.

I think that in the case of videogames, parents should know which are suitable for their children by using the classification system, and should also make sure that they are being used in a supervised atmosphere for a set period of time.

It comes down to firm parenting on this one -or lack of in many cases. A bit like children who are allowed to watch DVDs that are 15 rated when they're 10 - it's up to you to sort that one out.

If DD 'blocks' someone on MSN it causes even further problems at school because that person who is blocked knows they've been blocked....so she doesn't bother but she just makes sure she doesn't get into a conversation with that person....

If I see anything being typed that I feel is over-stepping the mark and, yes, boys can be very crude on MSN, I make sure she doesn't chat to them.

One boy was extremely keen on DD1 just a few weeks ago - she rec'd 72 texts on her phone from him over the course of about a month. He gave up texting her because she didn't reply and started texting me. It was at this point that I spoke to the boy's Mum, who wasn't even aware that it had gone on, and it stopped.

Again a case of a parent not knowing what they're child is doing.

There are lots of very high profile campaigns which are terrifying our kids about eating cake etc, but I haven't noticed anything like the same emphasis gven to mental health in children, which an Internet awareness campaign should really include. I agree that grooming is not as big an issue as peer-to-peer 'bullying' (or just upsetting each other- they often give as good as they get!), and the ever-present deluge of quite misogynistic sexual imagery. I honestly worry that children's sexuality is being quite profoundly damaged by seeing quite extreme sex acts long before they have had do much as their first kiss: how on earth are they meant to put sex in the context of loving intimate relationships when this is all formng the mental apparatus of their subconscious?

cakeywakey there are a number of information portals that can give you the type of advice you are looking for eg search around the mobile phone operators, the internet service providers or even the search engines and you will find family information with lots of tips and advice. Currently the UK Council for Child Internet Safety are designing a "One Stop Shop" which would in effect be one site that the council would recommend people to visit for comprehensive information around child internet safety, with links to other reputable sites. Do you think this would be useful?

But mrspoppins, this is more than about those dirty mags, it is about a million and one images and videos which can be easily accessed and encompass the kinds of inappropriate material LadyBlahBlah alluded to earlier.

The campaign material looks good.

You can misquote me if you like to get the point across! I am not very succinct.

The key theme is that parents cannot control the pornography that their children access. It is unfair to say that it is their responsibility. The pressure needs to come from the top and IMO, the IWF is not a sufficient organisation to deal with the sheer amount of porn (and probably illegal porn) that is accessible. This is a real issue and IMO will affect children's relationships in the future.

There was a programme on a while ago on Channel 4 which explored teenager attitudes to sex and inevitably rape, and it was so biased by the porn they had seen it was scary (they wanted threesomes, anal, would not think too much about raping girls) , and these attitudes do not come from the wind - they were coming directly from porn. I don't thin they were unusual in their attitudes. I would firmly recommend a large gin and surfing the porn sites for an hour or two.