How should I deal with this?

[lisbey]

I regularly take my DSs (8 & 6) to watch a lower league football team.

Frankly they're not that interested in the football, but if they don't go, I can't, so (because sometimes I have to get my way surely?) they just have to come.

We go with a friend and his DS (9) and as far as my boys are concerned, seeing this boy is the major draw.

During the game, they're reasonably well behaved, but there tends to be a lot of play fighting at half-time. (all 3, but my 2 prob worst). At home I let them get on with it until it looks like someone might get hurt and then if nec they get separated and if they don't stop, a sanction will be made (maybe no TV or quiet time in their rooms).

At the football, they're being annoying to others so obviously they can't just be left to get on with it. I tell them to stop and they do.....for 10 seconds then it starts again. It makes me feel useless and embarrassed that I have no control over my kids, which is honestly not true, I often get told how well behaved my two are, but I really don't know how to handle this.

If we were there because they wanted to be there, I'd threaten to leave (and mean it) but I suspect in this instance, that's what they're aiming for.

Any suggestions?

Well leaving isn't the only sanction you have, is it? What does matter to them? Access to the computer/Wii/a planned trip somewhere? You have other resources - just make sure whatever you threaten you are willing and able to actually carry out.

Or try bargaining before you get there - let Mum watch the football because that's her fun time and then we'll do X because that's your fun time. And again, be prepared to not do X if they don't keep their side of the bargain. If they dislike the football then you're going to have to give somewhere else.

Can't be helpful as I can't imagine anything more dull and cold than watching a football match - I'd probably fight at half-time if I was made to go!

The only thing I can suggest is a bribe of some sort of treat they'd enjoy afterwards - ice cream or a drink and cake in a cafe.

But actually I wouldn't put myself or them through it in the first place.

Football matches are hardly entertaining for children who like football, and yours obviously don't.

If your 'thing' was going to the theatre would you insist on taking them and expect them to sit quietly through the play?

Really Our Lady, you never take your children anywhere they don't want to go?

It's not that they don't want to go anyway - they enjoy the day, the atmosphere at the ground, seeing their friend, the various treats they're given to keep them still and DS1 often reads for most of the game(I'd pay a couple of quid to get him to read for an hour once a week anyway ) It's half-time when they're allowed out of their seats that's the difficult bit.

Are you on your own? If not can't you go on your own?

You of course should continue to do something you so obviously enjoy - which is watching football (being the biggest spectator sport in the country must mean that some people like it!). I am assuming it is probably only once a fortnight, unless you support the team at their away games too? If so, a couple of hours' good behaviour once a fortnight really isn't too much to expect from children of this age.

I agree with Hassled and you need to find something to sanction them with - and mean it. Do not give empty threats.

I didn't mean I'd never take them anywhere they wouldn't enjoy - just not on a regular basis, knowing in advance they'd hate it.
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But I think I mis-read your op as you now say they do enjoy it and it's a good day out for all of you.

Back to bribes/sanctions then.

Make sure you have it clearly in your head and make it clear to them that some behaviour is not acceptable in public - might even work to tell them they're being babyish .