Not enjoying this family life thing at all. Tips for improvement please!

[justlookatthatbooty]

DS is 24 months. I was still BFing him for the first 3 months of pregnancy with DD who is now 6 months and exclusively BFed thought now introducing solids. I have tried every other day for the last 3 months to give a bottle of breastmilk or formula but she won't take it. The problem is that I am so knackered and increasingly so. I am starting to feel alarm bells ringing as I'm feeling depressed and sick of everything, just wanting to lie down crying and feel like I'm going crazy when the kids start crying, I feel like I'm about to start yelling like a madwoman. I want to play and hang out with the kids but if I do then I can't get things into a functional space at home, get a meal cooked etc, I resent my partner, who is very lovely and very helpful for being able to just take off for work everyday and have a jolly easy time whilst I'm straining really hard with both the kids at home whilst taking care of all the domestics and all the arrangements of the home etc. We live in a really awkward house and getting up and down the stairs with 2 such young kids is a nightmare as they are excessively steep and narrow. There is no hall because the front door from the street opens straight onto the bottom step so I can't wheel the buggy in and have to carry sleeping 24 month old up three flights of stairs whilst having enormous 9 kilo 6 month old on my front in the carrier. If I wake him up or if he is awake then he absolutely refuses to walk up and just sits down on the steps and I start losing it after 3 minutes of being patient. The stairs are too trecherous to leave him there to deliver the small one first then come back for him. He fell down them a year ago and lost consciousness and was in hospital for 3 days so I can't risk it. So I end up carrying them and usually both kids start wailing and my body and nervous system is at full push I feel like I can hardly cope. We have found another house but can't move in for another 5 months and every day is a long slow day if we stay in the house and it feels unnatural to do so, esp for the older child. I run my own business as well as full time mothering of both the kids so whilst they are napping, if they nap, I'm doing the admin/emails and also in the evenings after putting them to bed I'm straight back to the computer to answer client enquiries etc. whilst DH does the kitchen and all that. Then before we've even finished the work it's 11 pm and time to try to get some sleep. DD still breastfeeding and teething quite a bit in the night. Fortunately we co-sleep which really helps. Quality of life for DH and me is going downhill. Sex life barely existent. I don't want a nanny or to put them nursery although DS is just starting to go to playgroup next week which will be a lifesaver. It's really hard to enjoy my children or my partner, or myself and this is making me feel so sad. I'm so in the mire that I don't even know what to do. It's possible we could afford a little outside help. I have thought about seeing if someone local can come for an hour in the morning (after breakfast mayhem to clear up) and an hour in the eves whilst we are bathing and putting the children to bed. Would this be a good idea? Any other thoughts? I really want to find a way for change.

I think you are trying to be superwoman - like a lot of us do, doing everything and getting not a lot done. Please dont be so hard on yourself, I remember feeling exactly as you do now - there is light at the end of the tunnel.

For me, it was a long weekend in NY with my best friend and some anti depressants for PND and I remember a moment after taking the tablets for about 2 weeks that I suddenly felt like a lightbulb had gone off and i though "I do really love my kids and husband"

Please speak to your HV and/or Doctor just incase you have post natal depression.

sorry, trying to post quickly as I put DD to bed.

There are 22 months between mine and like you I found it very tricky.

When DS2 was about 3 months I employed a lovely middle aged lady who had done nannying full time in the past but was just interested in a few hours here and there. It was very casual and allowed me a few hours space. I think mostly she liked to help with my baby.

Check out gumtree or simply childcare or speak to local agencies (though you will get fleeced on fees). I think it is fine as long as you ask for references and check them. To be aware the most references are "positive" so you do need to read between the lines. But that is more relevant when employing a full time nanny not when just getting a few hours here and there.

Or speak to local college doing childcare courses, you should be able to get a young student looking to get experience and earn a few extra pounds.

I had the same gap and was like you living in a house I hated and running a business from home.
I put DD1 in nursery full time, the best money I ever spent and probably saved me from sticking my head in the gas oven.

I would immediately suggest sanatagen pronatal - I started using them with my first and from being exhausted every day I felt great and happy, I can't overstate the difference they made. I wonder if you also have anaemia because of the exhaustion?

What a terrible worry those stairs must be! I can totally sympathise with how difficult it is having to carry kids up and down several flights of stairs.

This might sound far out and it is, however I wonder if you could look at installing/borrowing some kind of basic lift for the outside. I;m thinking of the kind of ones they use with a basic hydraulic metal lift on two metal poles, often used in trucks etc and also in stations. I have no idea how feasible that is, but you can't carry on as you are. Our sure start was great and even gives away safety stuff free. It might be worth calling them and explaining the situation? I'm sure there is someone somewhere out there who can help?

P.s if its all sounding too hard then cheat, there are lots of good baby/toddler meals out there and microwave food for the parents and fruit is easy and simple to cut up. Also vegetable bags and humous or something is quick and easy.

Hiya

With reference to feeding with a bottle, have you tried NUK bottles? I have a breastfed baby who has absolutely refused bottles for the last 3 months. I did a bit of research on the net, and a lot of people said that NUK bottles emulate breastfeeding more than other bottles. Got some from Boots I think and baby took to it straightaway - a miracle!