How would you deal with someone taking over whilst you are disciplining your child??

[ConnorTraceptive]

This has happened a few times recently with my SIL when I've been dealing with my 4 year old. Yesterday DS1 was having a tantrum about not wanting to do something. Eventually I sat him on the step and was about to explain to him why I'd put him there when SIL came along sat next to him and cuddled him and said "Now DS1 how would you like to come out for the day with us tomorrow? If you do as your told now you can come"

To which obviously DS1 was delighted and stated "great but not with mummy she's horrible"

To say I was pissed off is a massive understatement. This isn't a regular occurance as such but it's happened more than once and I want to know how to deal with it at the time if it happens again. I admit me and SIL have VERY different parenting styles and that I'm sure she genuinely thought she was being helpful but I felt undermined and made to look like an horrible ogre.

Just make sure your SIL checks with you first before offering to take your ds anywhere - you may have had other plans.

Explain that to her, and also say that the best time to bring this up is NOT when you're trying to correct you DS.

I'd be having words. It is undermining you which is not acceptable. You need to tell her to not do it again, and point out that she would not like it if you undermined her.

I would say something. It's fair enough that you discipline your child in the way you want, after all consistency is the key. I've bitten my tongue on several occasions with my SIL as I think she is quite strict on her kids, but I would never interfere (I'd probably get sent to the naughty step too )

If today is the day of the treat, perhaps when you see her you could thank her for inviting DS but mention that next time could she wait until after you have finished disciplining him before offering him a treat, as you have a certain way of dealing with things and you want to be consistent - plus he might start expecting a reward every time.

I probably am too strict in her eyes! I'm all for gentle distraction techniques as a way of stopping tantrums but this to me was rewarding bad behaviour. I'm not a sergeant major honest but we are very different.

I used to get that a lot from complete strangers when dealing with my son, who has AS.
I would just look at them for a second or two and then say 'Back Off' in a low, clear voice.
They always did, must be the thousand yard stare.

I think I'd say there and then that no, that's not an option at the moment and leave her in no doubt that she should keep quiet.

I would then say after that I'd rather she didn't say that kind of thing, she may mean well but you're trying to deal with him being naughty - a day out isn't what you want to offer him right now.

I can't stand it when people intervene, a friend of mine has done this from time to time, but she just joins in and adds her two pence worth when DD doesn't really know her. I don't think thats really on either.

I have nieces & nephews (bit older than your DS mind you) who sometimes look at me if being told off by my sisters and I just say 'Don't look at me kiddo, listen to what Mummys saying' and leave them to it. I don't even like saying that much tbh, but they sometimes draw you into it.

Thanks for the advice If it happens again I will definately make it clear at the time that I would like her not to get involved