Son born at 31 weeks

[slummy79]

Hello, new to Mumsnet so thought I would just tell you our story as I can't see any threads relating to early babies (haven't looked that hard though!)
After two IVF attempts and nearly 4 years of heartache, we achieved our dream of getting pregnant - I loved the pregnancy and was just entering the third trimester, when I started bleeding. My world ended but thankfully I have a beautiful little boy. Poor baby has spent most of his little life in Hospital. He spent the first month in SCBU and after 6 weeks at home caught the dreaded RSV, which turned into Bronchiolitis and then ARDS. He was ventilated for 2 weeks in PICU but is back home now but after all that coughing has developed an inguinal hernia! Poor mite. Most days I am ok but you do get overwhelming feelings of self-pity - how unfair after all we have been through to have our baby, for all of this to happen to him.
I only managed 5 weeks of breastfeeding, another area where I beat myself up constantly as the look on every consultants face when you tell them he is on Aptamil...What I am finding really hard is that noone can give me a definitive answer about socialising him with other babies - as he developed ARDS, he wont be fully recovered until the Spring and clearly we don't want him to catch anything else but I do feel so housebound whilst all my NCT girls are off doing lovely coffee mornings etc...we are really missing out! I just get told to use my common sense and that I can't wrap him up in cotton wool. He also has reflux and colic so more meds for the poor little Man - has anyone else had an early baby? Any advice would be greatly appreciated as I do feel very lonely - DH is wonderful but when you are stuck in most of the time for fear of DS catching a cold, can get quite depressing.

My friend's son was born at 31.5 weeks and his early days sound very much like yours. He is now a thriving 4 year old, you would never know what a tough start he had.

Personally, I would stay home for the moment - the main thing he needs is your love and you are giving him this.

Don't beat yourself up about breastfeeding - you did your best and in a little while, the breast vs formula thing will be a distant memory as little kids drink cows milk.

He isn't missing out, he just needs you. You, on the other hand, might be climbing the walls? Is there anyone who can look after him for a bit while you go and see your NCT friends? Although if they've all had full-term babies you may find that a bit difficult too.

Are there any museums near you that you can wander around? He'll be cosy in the pram, you'll be out of the house! Cinemas often do showing for mums with babies-in-arms too - you could sit away from everyone else! He's not going to catch anything from being out, it's just the other babies you might want to watch, and the grown-ups who want to cuddle him.

My sons were born at 33 weeks and 32 weeks respectively; I bf'd ds1 for 8 weeks and wished I'd given up sooner when I saw how much healthier and more alert he was on formula. I managed 5 weeks with ds2 - he could have gone on but I was falling apart. They're 5 and 2 now, and you know what? No one cares how they were fed as babies.

Ds1 had reflux, ds2 had a hernia - they're both common probs with prem babies. He will get over both! Although the reflux is hard work isn't it? Have the gps given you anything for the reflux? You can get special formula that helps.

There is a prem babies section on here somewhere.

[and I know you're on here for advice, but please please go with your own instincts/sense and not what everyone else says - you're his mum]

Got to go, the "prem babies" are beating each other up, upstairs ...

My DS2 was born at 31+3 by emCS due to placenta praevia. At that point I had had 3 MCs and DS1 12 months earlier.
He was in hospital for 5 weeks and came home weighing 5 lbs.

He is now almost 6 yrs and looks like he could become a prop forward for any rugby team who'd have him !

It is horrible to see your LO being prodded and poked in NICU and I count myself v lucky that we had a v healthy outcome.
I never BF DS2 but expressed for a little while, so he was mixfed fed for the first 3 or 4 months. I still have an occasional guilty twinge about that as both his siblings got a lot more breast milk - but at least he got just as many cuddles...

DS2 also had reflux, used to be on all sort of meds, and had a barium swallow when he was almost 6 months (biological) age. Reflux and vomiting stopped really suddenly once solids were introduced when he was about 7 months old (I waited a bit longer because of his prematurity).

How old is your DS now? Age and corrected age? How long has he been home now after his readmission?

I understand your frustration about going out and personally, I would and I did as I also had a toddler to entertain at the time. Being exposed to bugs and germs is what builds baby's immune systems. It is a shame you had the added worry of RSV/bronchiolitis/ARDS - how scary!
Can you keep him close to you when out and about ie in a sling? Make sure you wash your hands after having been out and get others who want to hold him to wash their hands as well.

FWIW, I found the first 2 winters with DS2 really hard (he was a March baby) - he caught lots of coughs and colds, including croup and (still) tends to be a bit wheeze when he has a cold.
On the other hand, he is fit and well and confident and has enjoyed starting school last year.

It is hard to see when you have such a tiny helpless fragile baby to look after, but even premature babies grow up and get bigger and stronger. In the meantime, I think for your own sanity and your childs longterm confindence it is so important to try not to worry TOO much and offer them as normal a life as possible.

Oh gawd, you are bringing back memories...

Bless you for your replies - DS is 5 weeks corrected so just over 3 months.
I see my Mum most days but majority of Friends have toddlers and I am jut paranoid about them passing something onto him.
He left Hospital ~2weeks ago and is doing well - he weighed 4Ib1ozwhen he was born and is now 7Ib12oz...Noone warned me about Winter Babies!! He was born in Nov, so just at the start of the RSV season...I had a bad cold so he must have caught it from me (more guilt) as we have always been super careful with cleaniness etc...My instinct is to keep him in and warm until the weather starts to improve.
I always use the waterproof cover when out which I hope keeps those nasty bugs out! I hope when weaning starts the reflux will stop - he is a hungry little Man so hope that won't be too long!

slummy, go with your instincts !

He might still get colds but you do not need the guilt on top of the worry for him.

He sounds like he is doing just great.

It is true that when you start going to groups they tend to catch more colds, diarrhea etc so I would probably also keep him away from other kids until he is better.
I think you need to get out, it really helps mentally. Maybe invite one NCT friend to your home or for coffee somewhere quiet (tesco's coasta coffee or sainsbury's starbucks?), at this age they don't really play with toys or touch eachother.

We also asked everyone who wanted to touch the baby to wash their hands.

Re breastfeeding: You did 5 weeks, that's a great run! :D I do understand your guilt (I only managed 2 days), it may be some comfort to you that dd is now 8mo now and all the mums I knew who were breastfeeding have now stopped so it really doesn't matter anymore. In fact when you start weaning at 4-6 months then it's already not so important, all the talk is about solids.

I think you get looks from HVs, consultants, family members whatever you do to be honest, some people are finding it really hard to find support for their breasfeeding where they are. (with people/family members commenting on how little their babies look and to give them "proper" food ?!).
You are probably not getting enough sleep and a bit down, it doesn't take much to read too much into something someone said, or a look someone gave iyswim.

I think talking to one of the NCT friend or someone you can relate to on the prem babies: here

Slummy I just noticed your baby is still 8lb.
There are absolutely ways to bring back your milk support if you really wanted to, do some good research, then he will be far more protected from illness.
I wish you the best of luck if you want to take that route! :-)

Slummy - my baby is 5 weeks corrected as well and was born at 33 weeks, so beginning of December. We had a month in SCBU and then advised not to take him out in the cold weather we had in January, not that I could actually push the pram through the snow anyway. I was climbing the walls with frustration, so I know exactly how you feel.

I decided that I couldn't stay in any longer after DS had his first set of jabs. If you just took him out in the pram, that would be fine. You don't have to let anybody near him, so long as you are polite about it and tbh, if you're walking rather than still you won't be bothered much anyway.